My friend, Kate, who writes the One Flesh Marriage Blog along with her husband, Brad, started a challenge to all marriage bloggers. It is to write out 10 confessions of what your life really looks like on a daily basis. Tom and I have been talking about the false impression people can have of us and our marriage because we write about the romantic/good/blessing side of marriage. We do this to encourage, and I hope we do. But we never want you to think higher of us than you should.
So, I invite you to come and sit with me on the porch, sip some tea and allow me to share with you a slice of my life as it looks right now.
1. We have not experienced most of the date night ideas we have written about. I love to think outside the box of normal. Having this blog has given me an outlet for the ideas that roam through my head. We would love to have had the time to do all of them, but we have a life outside of date nights.
2. Our marriage is not taking place with romantic music playing in the background all day, every day. We have bills to pay–both ours and my mom’s estate, grandchildren to babysit, parents to care for and help as needed, church activities, home-group to attend, meals to cook and conflicts to resolve. It takes real effort to be intentional about our relationship, this is why we still set aside one night a week for US. It might seem that every night is date night in our house. Well, if you count date night as just being together, then yes. But date nights to us are much more than simply being present.
3. We struggle to find the time to communicate clearly with each other what is weighing on our hearts and minds. Days can go by where we are so busy doing our own things that we aren’t sharing with one another the things that matter most. What the years we’ve had together has taught us is that this isn’t good. So we work on it.
4. I can lose track of how long its been since we’ve been intimate. I don’t think Tom ever forgets, but I do. When I’m in my writing mode, it isn’t easy flipping a switch to be romantic, just like when we were busy raising a family. But I don’t let this be the norm. Tom doesn’t let this be the norm either. But it’s not easy.
5. I had no idea that our “little” marriage blog would require so much time and attention. It has become nearly a full-time job for me, and it is on my mind most all of the time. I take this privilege seriously, but it can take my attention away from other things I need to be doing. Writing comes easy, deep cleaning my home doesn’t. Which leads to…
6. My home is in need of a serious deep-cleaning and organizing. Tom bought me a new filing cabinet nearly two years ago and I still haven’t organized anything in those drawers. If you open the drawers there are stacks of things–things that don’t have a place either. I don’t see this mess because I can close the drawer, but I know it’s there.
7. I struggle with the way our life has played out in many ways. It is a constant battle of my thoughts to stay focused on what God has called us to do today. When we were raising our children we had hopes for what the future would look like. It doesn’t look much like we’d thought it would, but it is good. I have mixed emotions about it all, where I can argue with myself on either side and do a really good job defending that position. This is where being open with Tom about the struggle helps me to gain the advantage towards right thinking.
8. I home-schooled all three of our children for most of their education. There are things about how I handled the pressure of such a responsibility that I wish I could do over, but I can’t. I often compared myself to other moms who were in the same season. And now I’m tempted to compare myself with other marriage blogging moms. My sin is constantly looking for new outlets to express itself. I work on resisting these temptations.
9. Feelings often are the barometer I use as to whether I’ll do something or not. I’m currently working on changing this. My convictions must dictate my actions or my schedule, not whether or not I feel like it.
10. The older I get the more precious my relationship with Christ becomes. I must confess that He is the One I long to spend time with when I awake each morning. His Word is more valuable to me now than it ever has been in my life.
This confession wasn’t easy to write. But I thank Kate for challenging me to do it. I think it has helped me step back and get the wide-angle view of my life now, and how writing a marriage blog has affected me and my marriage. If you have a marriage blog I challenge you to write your own confessions and then let me know. I’ll make sure Kate links up to your blog as well! May we each live our lives in a transparent and real way that glorifies God in the good times and the bad.