Where We’ve Been

Yesterday, Tom shared his practice of offering a soft answer whenever I’m angry or having an emotional meltdown.  I wanted to share with you my side – being the recipient of Tom applying this scripture to our relationship.

First of all, it would be good for you to know in the beginning of our marriage, this wasn’t the norm.  In fact, Tom would not usually offer a “soft” answer;  It was more like a “silent” answer!  We were both quite adept at shutting down completely when it came to conflict. Rather than deal with the issues, we would sulk, ignore them (and each other) and hope the next day would be better.  One time the conflict went on for nearly a year!  It was not a fun season, and it certainly didn’t glorify God.

God in His great mercy and kindness has helped us grow in our knowledge of and obedience to the Word of God, and it has spilled over into how we treat each other. 

Tom is not only my husband, but he is my closest friend.

He sees me at my worst and rather than react to my sin, he gently helps me apply God’s Word.  This isn’t always welcomed;  in those moments I would much rather give full vent to my feelings.   Yet, I have learned to trust him and follow his lead.  His soft answer has kept me from going down the path of least resistance – the place where all kinds of division and conflict flow.  This isn’t the path that will lead us to where we want our marriage to be 10 years from now.

By God’s grace we aren’t where we were 30 years ago.  We have grown, and it is only because God has been at work in us – completing what He’s started!  May our story give you hope that even though you may not see quick progress, God is doing what He does best – changing us for His glory one conflict at a time.

About Debi Walter

Face it, marriage is hard work. But when cultivated daily the fruit produced will satisfy for a lifetime. We're here to help with ideas and encouragement along the way. Having been married 40 years and counting, we share what we've learned with practical tips, Biblical Truths, Date night ideas to help you plow your own vineyard for God's glory.
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3 Responses to Where We’ve Been

  1. Nikki says:

    Thank you both for sharing this and for your example! This is us right now, and I’m so glad that we have hope! I pray that by God’s grace we will have a marriage like yours!


    • debiwalter says:

      Nikki, We know that God will complete the work He is doing in you right now. Because this is His promise to all of us. All we have to do is continue crying out to Him in our weakness, pray for help and mercy and respond as He leads us. Tomorrow’s post will greatly encourage you…


  2. Pingback: A Silent Maturity « The Romantic Vineyard

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