11 Things You Won’t Learn In School About Marriage

We have a winner for our first monthly “Here’s To Us”  Challenge.  Thank you all for participating – some entered by commenting to our post.  Others entered by commenting on Facebook.  We will add the Facebook comments on yesterday’s post, so everyone can glean from the ideas shared.  This is going to be a good challenge for all of us – to pay attention everyday to the little moments worth celebrating!  Now to announce our winner:

Congratulations to:

Carolynn Scully from Orlando, FL.

Here is her special moment: Opening the book, “Living in Love” by James and Betty Robinson. Patrick bought one for me and one for himself so we could read, make notes and then share! I love his desire to have a deeper relationship! After 37 years of being together we still know the importance of growing together!

Now for today’s post:

Dennis Rainey with Family Life Today, has come up with this list of great advice about how to make marriage work.  Some you will see are obvious, others may make you think.  On either account, it’s sage advice:

Rule 1: Marriage isn’t about your happiness. It’s not about you getting all your needs met through another person. Practicing self-denial and self-sacrifice, patience, understanding, and forgiveness are the fundamentals of a great marriage. If you want to be the center of the universe, then there’s a much better chance of that happening if you stay single.

Rule 2: Getting married gives a man a chance to step up and finish growing up. The best preparation for marriage for a single man is to man up now and keep on becoming the man God created him to be.

Rule 3: It’s okay to have one rookie season, but it’s not okay to repeat your rookie season. You will make rookie mistakes in your first year of marriage; the key is that you don’t continue making those same mistakes in year five, year 10, or year 20 of your marriage.

Rule 4: It takes a real man to be satisfied with and love one woman for a lifetime. And it takes a real woman to be content with and respect one man for a lifetime.

Rule 5: Love isn’t a feeling. Love is commitment. It’s time to replace the “D word”–divorce–with the “C word”–commitment. Divorce may feel like a happy solution, but it results in long-term toxic baggage. You can’t begin a marriage without commitment. You can’t sustain one without it either. A marriage that goes the distance is really hard work. If you want something that is easy and has immediate gratification, then go shopping or play a video game.

Rule 6: Online relationships with old high school or college flames, emotional affairs, sexual affairs, and cohabiting are shallow and illegitimate substitutes for the real thing. Emotional and sexual fidelity in marriage is the real thing.

Rule 7: Women spell romance R-E-L-A-T-I-O-N-S-H-I-P. Men spell romance S-E-X. If you want to speak romance to your spouse, become a student of your spouse, enroll in a lifelong “Romantic Language School,” and become fluent in your spouse’s language.

Rule 8: During courtship, opposites attract. After marriage, opposites can repel each another. You married your spouse because he/she is different. Differences are God’s gift to you to create new capacities in your life. Different isn’t wrong, it’s just different.

Rule 9: Pornography robs men of a real relationship with a real person and poisons real masculinity, replacing it with the toxic killers of shame, deceit, and isolation. Pornography siphons off a man’s drive for intimacy with his wife. Marriage is not for wimps. Accept no substitutes.

Rule 10: As a home is built, it will reflect the builder. Most couples fail to consult the Master Architect and His blueprints for building a home. Instead a man and woman marry with two sets of blueprints (his and hers). As they begin building, they discover that a home can’t be built from two very different sets of blueprints.

Rule 11: How you will be remembered has less to do with how much money you make or how much you accomplish and more with how you have loved and lived.


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7 Responses to 11 Things You Won’t Learn In School About Marriage

  1. Tish Moran says:

    Thanks, Tom and Debi! You are definitely a testimony to God’s faithfulness in the marriage covenant. As Mark and I are about to celebrate 15 years of marriage, I am provoked to reflect on God’s many provisions to us; spiritual, financial, emotional, and of course, physical. None these we deserve, but He who is faithful has bestowed these blessings upon us in His kindness.


    • Debi Walter says:

      I can’t believe it’s been 15 years, Tish! Congratulations!!! We greatly appreciate your encouragement – we are simply doing what God has shown us to do, and it’s a joy! Have a great day!


  2. Chaz says:

    I agree with all points and practice as many as possible as thoroughly as possible. Progress, not perfection.

    My perspective on point 5…. the D word is alive, well, and continues to gain acceptance in our culture. Including, if not especially, many “Christian” cultures and communities. It is no big deal anymore in a lot of circles.

    Yet, the impact remains tremendous. The costs are huge. Bigger than most stepping into one realize. And they go on for a lot longer. I know of which I speak first-hand.

    I am happy to hear positive voices for marriage that are not affraid to say, “Grow up and be responsible for yourself and others”. Even Dr. Phil says, “Most people give up too easily”.

    The reality is D is showing up in places and at times few expected. Lets (as a culture)be real about what marriage is and what it takes to sustain. And lets stop saying it is ok to quit at the first sign of discomfort.

    And lets stop blaming the others and outside forces and get to work on ourselves.

    Look forward to popping by more often.




    • Debi Walter says:

      Hey Chaz,
      Thanks for your insightful comments. Yes, we have become a culture to quick to call it quits. We are committed to being a voice as to why it’s worth staying the course and finishing the race. Marriage is a lifelong commitment with lots of rewards given to those who stay. We look forward to hearing from you in the future!
      Tom and Debi


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  4. Matthew says:

    I love rule #7! So many people don’t understand this, and those that do seem to often forget it.


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