Photo Credit: PoorStarvingStudents.wordpress.com
It’s been awhile since I’ve posted, but I have something to share I believe will help the husbands (and wives too).
Debi and I were shopping not long ago when something happened that surprised me. Debi was on one aisle, and I had gone back to get something we missed off the list. That’s when it happened. A lady was offering samples and seemed to focus all of her attention on me. She was friendly – lots of people are friendly, but she went out of her way to insist I try the product she was sampling. She joked, she laughed. I talked with her only for a minute as she handed me a free sample and that was it. I found Debi, and we checked out. But I knew what had happened felt different.
But what DID happen? Nothing, really.
When we got in the car I told Debi about it. I said it felt like she was flirting with me, and I wanted her (Debi) to know. We talked more, Debi asked me a few questions helping me see if I was right about the whole thing.
A few days later the Lord prompted me with this thought: You enjoyed her attention.
What?! I did? This thought made me uncomfortable to say the least, because I love my wife. But the more I thought about, the more I saw it was the truth. I did enjoy it. I liked being noticed, and one thought I heard loud and clear – I’ve still got it!
This led to another much needed conversation with Debi. She listened and was actually encouraged. That’s odd, I know, but I’ll explain. She said she always wondered if I would even notice if a woman flirted with me. This situation gave her the answer she didn’t even know to ask me. And she was encouraged.
What I’ve come away with is this:
Guys, we can never let our guard down for a minute. Temptation is everywhere – sometimes we see it, sometimes we don’t. But when we do we have to first of all flee, and second of all – talk to our wife about it. It may be hard for her to hear, but I guarantee she would much rather you tell her about a temptation, then to find out later you were hiding something from her.
“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” – 1 Corinthians 10:13
Sometimes the best “way of escape” is to tell the one God has joined you together with as one flesh. My wife is not only my best friend, she is my best deterrent from sin. I imagine your wife is too. God designed it to be this way if we will only let them.
How would you handle a pick up on aisle 4?
The Romantic Vineyard 
Great post! Early in my marriage I wasn’t wise enough to tell my husband when I had flirtatious conversations, but now I realize it’s the best course. The attention can feel so nice that we need to remind ourselves to not place ourselves in that situation. Recently my hubby mentioned a friend of a friend being overly friendly at a gathering. I was a little surprised but glad he mentioned it rather than not troubling me with it. As a wife, that boosts my trust in him. Thanks for sharing your experience.
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Lori, You’ve said it well – “It boosts my trust in him.” I think Tom was surprised by my response because we went through a similar situation a couple of years ago where my response was the exact opposite. But that incident was for MY growth. It was good for me to go through what I did. And now I’m more grateful than ever for the evidence of God’s grace at work in my heart and in Tom’s heart. After 32 years of marriage the lessons continue. We will never graduate – always studying, always learning.
Thanks for commenting,
Debi
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Thanks for being so transparent. I’m reminded once again to “drink water from [my own] cistern, and FRESH water from [my] own well” (Prov. 5:15). The “water” from other wells which are not mine will soon dry up, but “my cistern,” my beloved wife, is always FRESH, pure, and unadulterated. That “ego-stroker” will soon stoke another and another. . . .
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Thanks Dale. I’m grateful to have a deep well at home, more than enough for me!
Tom
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Wow! That was a great – and transparent post. We truly must be on our guard at all times. Thanks for the reminder and outstanding Christian example from you both!
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Really great share. Guys always flirted with me, al throughout y marriage–and I never thought anything of it except as being playful. As with every experience in our lives, it is what you make it to be. You decide the interpretation then you respond to your interpretation.He wondered what to do as someone was trying ot make something happen with him and he didn’t want any part of it–and didn’t know (???) how to stop it???? So I gave hi some suggestions that worked.
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Thanks, Ali!
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Better delt with now than later. Loved the way you examined your Conscience just to be sure all was clear. No hiden sin permited conciously.
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Thank you Tom! What a beautiful example of humility in both you and Debi, as well as the strength of your union. Quite obviously, Christ is the center. My wife and I reveled at how this post and the two of you encourage us both so well. It also birthed good conversation on how we are both similarly tempted not only in the context of being “flirted” with, but desiring the approval of others. We praise God for how well He is glorifying Himself through you both!
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John,
Thank you for once again encouraging us. We love you both!
Tom
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Great post! Love how genuine you are. Great reminder to always be on guard.
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Thank you, Lisa. We love hearing our posts are helpful.
Blessings,
Debi
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Excellent post! Thank you for being transparent and allowing all of us to have a great reminder! When temptation knocks on the door, God will always offer an escape plan. Many times that escape plan will be your wife!
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Happened to read your article today. Nice concept, except when your spouse (after 21 years) does little to let you know you’re a “man” and not much more than a paycheck or someone to run and fetch her much needed Diet Coke. I hear people say “God can fill that void for you”, but I don’t see it. My wife is the one to fill the intimate needs we have, but she was openly told me that she does not like to kiss me outside the bedroom, because it “might lead” to the bedroom. Who says that to a spouse…especially one that cares and is trying? I live, every day, vulnerable to a smile and a flirty word. It sucks, but the “Godly woman” I married seems to draw no correllation between her lack of meeting my need, and my need being potentially met elsewhere.
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David,
We are so sorry to hear of the struggles you’re facing in your marriage. Marriage isn’t easy, it wasn’t meant to be. We would highly encourage you to seek counsel that is biblically based and can lead you both to the only One who can bring true reconciliation and lasting love. It is possible. We’ve met with couples who have faced similar challenges and witnessed God bring them to a much better place. We will pray for you and ask God to lead you and guide you to the help you need.
Thank you for commenting.
Tom and Debi
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David,
One more thing – we knew we had read a post on another marriage blog recently which seemed to address your situation so well. We found it! It’s on the Journey To Surrender blog titled, When You Have Nothing Left. We pray this will help and the Scriptures will encourage you and equip you to continue working on your marriage.
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