In case you missed the beginning of this Sunday series our first two “sharing musts” were:
Our next absolute sharing must for a healthy marriage would seem to go without saying, but it is a real issue in some marriages. It is…
A Bed
Photo Credit: beijingtoday.com.cn
There is something that happens between a husband and wife in the night as we sleep next to each other. There is a connection made that is vital to a healthy marriage.
In their informative article, How Married Couples Can Get A Good Night’s Sleep, Sheri and Bob Stritof talk about the importance of sleeping together even if you won’t sleep as well. Why?
“Usually the answer is because even if you don’t get the best night’s sleep, you find comfort and emotional intimacy in sleeping together.”
They go on to say that as many as 12% of married couples sleep separately on a regular basis. The reasons are varied with each one presenting it’s own set of problems. Here is the list they provided:
Most married couples know it is important to share one another’s burdens. But do we actually make a point of drawing our spouse out on issues which are weighing them down? Or are we more upset by the inconvenience their burden is causing the relationship. I admit that early on in our marriage I was often more upset at with Tom’s burden than I was sympathetic because if he wasn’t on his A game I had to pick up the slack. Something my selfish heart hated. But through the years I have changed. What helped me change? It required me seeing this response as “sin.” Seeing it only as “the way I am,” left me no hope for change. Seeing it as sin gave me hope because there is a remedy for sin – Christ Jesus who came into the world to save sinners! All I needed to do was repent of my selfishness and ask God to enable me to love and care for Tom in the way I should.
How are you doing in your marriage in regards to sharing the same bed and sharing each other’s burdens?
- Disagreement about who gets which side of the bed
- Differing sleep positions
- Temperature of the room
- To cuddle or not to cuddle
- Sheet textures
- Alarms
- Tossing and turning
- Teeth grinding
- Degree of quietness
- Getting up in the middle of the night
- The size of the bed
- The firmness of the bed
- Snoring
- Having a window open
- Sleeping with children or pets
- Nightmares
- Going to bed angry
- Sleep walking
- Amount of pillows
- Number of blankets
- Spousal arousal syndrome – what is this?
(Definition: Being awakened by your partner’s snoring, having your sleep disrupted many times throughout the night, and having your concentration at work being negatively affected by the resulting fatique is called spousal arousal syndrome.)
- Time to go to bed
- When to get up in the morning
- Insomnia
Some of the above are serious issues requiring outside assistance, like insomnia or chronic snoring. But others are simply preference issues. There is something to be said for persevering through a problem such as sleep habits, room temperature and whether or not you sleep with a pet. Seriously, if a spouse is choosing to sleep with their pet instead of their spouse, there are more issues at stake. There must be room for compromise, or the marriage itself will never proceed beyond these limitations. Do you and your spouse sleep separately? Is it for medical reasons? Have you looked for help and been unable to find it? We encourage you to take your difficulty to the Lord, and ask for His wisdom in helping you as a couple to enjoy sleeping together once again. The marriage bed is singular and meant to be shared.
The next “sharing must” is:
Burdens
Photo Credit: The Justice Project
Most married couples know it is important to share one another’s burdens. But do we actually make a point of drawing our spouse out on issues which are weighing them down? Or are we more upset by the inconvenience their burden is causing the relationship. I admit that early on in our marriage I was often more upset at with Tom’s burden than I was sympathetic because if he wasn’t on his A game I had to pick up the slack. Something my selfish heart hated. But through the years I have changed. What helped me change? It required me seeing this response as “sin.” Seeing it only as “the way I am,” left me no hope for change. Seeing it as sin gave me hope because there is a remedy for sin – Christ Jesus who came into the world to save sinners! All I needed to do was repent of my selfishness and ask God to enable me to love and care for Tom in the way I should.
How are you doing in your marriage in regards to sharing the same bed and sharing each other’s burdens?
The Romantic Vineyard 
I agree whole-heartedly, Debi! We underestimate the value of sharing a bed… Sharing a bed is unique to marriage. You may share a meal with siblings, a house with room-mates, chores with family, celebrations with friends, etc. but getting into the bed with your spouse, turning to talk and share for 5 minutes about the day and the gentle nudges & movements of sharing a bed is unique to marriage. This point is so valuable!
LikeLike
Amen, Lori! We were surprised at the high percentage of married couples who don’t share a bed. So sad!
LikeLike
On very rare occasions do we let our kids share our bed. However we have family & friends who co-sleep with kids on a regular basis. I think kids make intimacy hard enough, my bed is the one thing that is only for my husband & I.
Good thoughts on bearing burdens, too. That’s an easy area to pay lipservice in & not be genuine.
LikeLike
You are so right, Lisa! Thanks for adding your thoughts – always helpful to other moms with small children at home.
LikeLike
We do not have kids, animals or tv in our bedroom. When our children were little they might have come into our room briefly but were not ever allowed to ‘stay’… it was our room. I even keep the door shut ‘mostly because we have an indoor cat’ and I don’t want cat hair on the bed.
Because of our ‘schedules’ we don’t often go to bed the same time, but it is still our room. (hubby goes to bed at 8:30 or so and I cannot go that early or I will be staring at the ceiling at 2am) He is at work at 6:00am.
LikeLike
Pingback: Sharing Musts For A Healthy Marriage 3 | The Romantic Vineyard
Pingback: Sharing Musts For A Healthy Marriage 4 | The Romantic Vineyard
Loved this post. For years my husband slept on the couch. It was not only the catalyst to severe trials in our marriage but it was in and of itself a huge intimacy buster.
LikeLike
Pingback: Sharing Musts For A Healthy Marriage 5 | The Romantic Vineyard