Sadly, Lisa Graf with Mom Blog took the title of this post quite literally. She has a high fever and is quite sick, so I’m covering today’s post all by myself. Lisa – we pray God heals you quickly, so you’re back to doing all the things God has called you to do. Until then, rest!
Last week in our Wedded Bliss Wednesday we talked about “turning down the heat,” in reference to conflict in your marriage. Today we want to look at the flip side – turning up the heat of passion in your marriage.
It is difficult when raising small children to find time to pursue your husband the way you did B/C, but it is possible. It just takes more planning and thinking – really thinking about your man throughout the day.
Awhile back I was at a ladies retreat when the Lord shared with me a word picture that I believe will be helpful for our topic today:
I saw a woman who was sitting in a darkly lit room. It was winter outside so the room was cold. There was a fireplace, but the fire had died down and only a few red embers remained. In order to find warmth the woman took a coat off of the nearby coat rack and put it on quickly. She still shivered in the cold room, so she grabbed the blanket off the couch and wrapped it tightly around herself. The chill remained. She continued to rock hoping the movement along with the layers would warm her cold body.
What was odd about the picture was the fact that there was still unburned firewood in the fireplace. All she needed to do to warm the room was to stir the embers, but instead she shivered in the dark, cold room.
I believe this picture represents many marriages. The fires of passion have died down. Instead of stirring the embers to reignite the flames of passion in her marriage, this woman chose, instead to wrap the blanket of self-pity and the coats of pride around her. She wasn’t willing to do whatever it would take to reignite the flame, but chose instead to be cold and alone.
Have you found your marriage to be cold and lonely lately? Every marriage walks through seasons like this, but what you do about it separates strong marriages from weak ones. Many women believe since it is the man’s Biblical role to lead in the marriage that they should take the romantic lead as well. This is simply not true. Passion and romance in the marriage is the responsibility of both the husband and the wife. If your husband isn’t taking the first step, then you by all means should. Plan something that will completely rock his world. Send him a steamy text this afternoon that will have him running for the door when the clock hits quitting time. Make arrangements for the children, plan a surprise, do something out-of-the-0rdinary and have fun!
Marriage isn’t a game of chess – waiting and watching for your opponent to make the next move. No! It’s more like a downhill sledding event. You both get on and hang on for the ride of your life!
Remember what fueled your passion when you were engaged or newly married? Revisit something from those days – maybe it was an outfit, or a special dinner or wine which will cause you both to reminisce. The important thing is to initiate physical intimacy with your husband. He will respond!
Back when we had beepers, instead of cell phones, I remember coming up with a code. It was a simple code A=1, B=2, C=3, etc. But I didn’t tell Tom about it. We have always shortened “I love you” with “ILY.” So one morning while Tom was at work I sent a three digit message that said “4-5-9”. Of course, when you got a message on your beeper it was a phone number to call asap. There was no way Tom could call this number as it only had three digits. 🙂 An hour later I sent him the same code. At lunch he called me, but he didn’t say a word about the strange message he was getting on his beeper.
An hour later I sent it again. And a couple more times before he headed home for the day. By the time he got home, he was obviously perturbed. When I asked what was wrong he said, “Someone keeps calling me on my beeper and leaving only three numbers to call. I don’t know who it is, but it’s driving me crazy!”
After dinner I had made Tom a special dessert with a card. He asked what it was for, and I said, “Oh, no reason…” When he read the card it was signed, 4-5-9, ILY – Debi
He said, “It was YOU?!” LOL!
This was a little way I added a bit of suspense and excitement to our marriage. You can also hide things under the driver’s seat in your husband’s car and call him sometime during the day to have him look. It could be anything that would make them think of being with you.
Marriage is meant to be fun and H.O.T. Don’t waste these years of raising children and miss the special memories you could make together. Your children may not have any idea what Mommy and Daddy are doing, but they’ll definitely benefit from the results.
And hang on for the ride of your life! ♥
What is something you have done to turn up the heat in your marriage?
This is post #27 in the Ultimate Blog Challenge to post everyday in October.
Excellent post – I enjoy reading all of these but today’s really strikes a chord. Thank you for sharing!
We’re glad you found it helpful. Thanks for commenting too!
Debi, you are the best co-writer! Thank you so much for picking up the slack when I couldn’t even bare to look at my computer screen!
One thing that my husband & I – hitting that 8-10 year marriage, 4 small kids kinda intimacy rut – found to be helpful is this Simply Romantic Nights. It’s this great tool kit from Dennis & Barbara Rainey that makes turning up the heat super easy and lots of fun! Check it out here: http://www.christianbook.com/simply-romantic-nights-igniting-passion-marriage/dennis-rainey/9781602002197/pd/10965X?kw=10965X&en=froogle&p=1013824&cm_mmc=CBDfeeds-_-froogle-_-books-_-10965X
You’re welcome, Lisa. I was glad to do it for you. And I’m thankful to God He has healed you quickly. Nothing helps us appreciate our health more than sickness. Have a great day!
Thanks so much for this! You’re absolutely right that romance can grow cold in a marriage. I’ll take your advice and try to spice things up! (I’m already doing *something* about it–see my blog.) May the Lord bless you for your ministry here.
Yes, we all should heed it – even strong marriages can grow cold. Thanks for commenting!
What a great idea. Your wife is going to love this gift more than anything you’ve ever bought her. You’re giving her the gift of YOU!
Thanks for stopping by our blog. You may want to check out our Husbands Only page (see the top of the blog) for lots of ideas on romancing your wife. You’re doing a great job so far, but in case you need some different ideas.
Blessings to you,
Tom and Debi