Suspicion is a helpful tool when you’re trying to solve a murder mystery–everyone is suspect. But when suspicion hits close to home it can actually cause great harm in a relationship.
We live in a culture of suspicion. Politicians are held suspect just because they want to run for public office. Celebrities are suspect because…well, they’re always guilty, right? Those who are charged with a high-profile crime are almost always considered guilty until proven otherwise. This is due in large part because of the publicity given the case.
What is suspicion anyway?
Merriam-Webster defines it:
b: a state of mental uneasiness and uncertainty :doubt
In marriage to be suspicious of your spouse without cause or proof is a form of distrust. It is a cancer that will eat away at the health of your marriage. Like the media that runs with a story for its rating potential–whether or not it is true–we give audience to a similar voice when we listen to a suspicious voice in our heart about our spouse.
The Bible says we should take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. This includes thoughts that seek to charge our spouse with being guilty when we have no reason, except a “feeling” that they are guilty as charged.
No one likes to be charged.
No one likes to be judged.
Yet we often do this to our spouse without regard. Why? Why is it so easy to hold our spouse in suspicion when they’re supposed to be the ones we love the most?
I believe the answer is simple.
We have an enemy who is constantly whispering in our ear. The wise spouse realizes his voice and resists it as a falsehood. We must not give ear to such charges.
But what if there is something that is a valid reason to question our spouse? What do we do if something isn’t measuring up in the way we think it should. I believe there are 5 ways to help us avoid suspicion and discover the truth.
First, pray. Ask God to help you accurately discover the truth. After all it is the truth you need to know, not a suspicion.
Second, find a time to talk with your spouse about your concern. Make sure it is when you can both be attentive and when you’re not overly tired.
Third, never attach motive to your observations. Only God can discern the heart of a man/woman, and forming an opinion about why your spouse did something before you know the truth, is the same as charging them guilty before ever hearing their case. It is wrong. Don’t do it!
Fourth, believe the best of your spouse. Many arguments occur because we tend to think the worst about others. He did that because he doesn’t trust me to do it his way, or She said that about me because she loves herself and how she appears to others more than she does me.
Fifth, in order to believe the best about our spouse we must think the best about our spouse. It isn’t our job to hold them suspect–arresting them and hoping God gets them. No, it is our job to love them, pray for them, be their biggest advocate to the Father on their behalf. You’re on the same team, the same side of the courtroom. Even if your spouse has sinned against you and God, it is our job to love them back to righteousness, not condemn them to hell.
In what ways have you been suspicious of your spouse? Was it founded or just laziness of thought? Which of these steps will you embrace to change this way of thinking?
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