My friend, Kate, who writes the One Flesh Marriage Blog along with her husband, Brad, started a challenge to all marriage bloggers. It is to write out 10 confessions of what your life really looks like on a daily basis. Tom and I have been talking about the false impression people can have of us and our marriage because we write about the romantic/good/blessing side of marriage. We do this to encourage, and I hope we do. But we never want you to think higher of us than you should.
So, I invite you to come and sit with me on the porch, sip some tea and allow me to share with you a slice of my life as it looks right now.
1. We have not experienced most of the date night ideas we have written about. I love to think outside the box of normal. Having this blog has given me an outlet for the ideas that roam through my head. We would love to have had the time to do all of them, but we have a life outside of date nights.
2. Our marriage is not taking place with romantic music playing in the background all day, every day. We have bills to pay–both ours and my mom’s estate, grandchildren to babysit, parents to care for and help as needed, church activities, home-group to attend, meals to cook and conflicts to resolve. It takes real effort to be intentional about our relationship, this is why we still set aside one night a week for US. It might seem that every night is date night in our house. Well, if you count date night as just being together, then yes. But date nights to us are much more than simply being present.
3. We struggle to find the time to communicate clearly with each other what is weighing on our hearts and minds. Days can go by where we are so busy doing our own things that we aren’t sharing with one another the things that matter most. What the years we’ve had together has taught us is that this isn’t good. So we work on it.
4. I can lose track of how long its been since we’ve been intimate. I don’t think Tom ever forgets, but I do. When I’m in my writing mode, it isn’t easy flipping a switch to be romantic, just like when we were busy raising a family. But I don’t let this be the norm. Tom doesn’t let this be the norm either. But it’s not easy.
5. I had no idea that our “little” marriage blog would require so much time and attention. It has become nearly a full-time job for me, and it is on my mind most all of the time. I take this privilege seriously, but it can take my attention away from other things I need to be doing. Writing comes easy, deep cleaning my home doesn’t. Which leads to…
6. My home is in need of a serious deep-cleaning and organizing. Tom bought me a new filing cabinet nearly two years ago and I still haven’t organized anything in those drawers. If you open the drawers there are stacks of things–things that don’t have a place either. I don’t see this mess because I can close the drawer, but I know it’s there.
7. I struggle with the way our life has played out in many ways. It is a constant battle of my thoughts to stay focused on what God has called us to do today. When we were raising our children we had hopes for what the future would look like. It doesn’t look much like we’d thought it would, but it is good. I have mixed emotions about it all, where I can argue with myself on either side and do a really good job defending that position. This is where being open with Tom about the struggle helps me to gain the advantage towards right thinking.
8. I home-schooled all three of our children for most of their education. There are things about how I handled the pressure of such a responsibility that I wish I could do over, but I can’t. I often compared myself to other moms who were in the same season. And now I’m tempted to compare myself with other marriage blogging moms. My sin is constantly looking for new outlets to express itself. I work on resisting these temptations.
9. Feelings often are the barometer I use as to whether I’ll do something or not. I’m currently working on changing this. My convictions must dictate my actions or my schedule, not whether or not I feel like it.
10. The older I get the more precious my relationship with Christ becomes. I must confess that He is the One I long to spend time with when I awake each morning. His Word is more valuable to me now than it ever has been in my life.
This confession wasn’t easy to write. But I thank Kate for challenging me to do it. I think it has helped me step back and get the wide-angle view of my life now, and how writing a marriage blog has affected me and my marriage. If you have a marriage blog I challenge you to write your own confessions and then let me know. I’ll make sure Kate links up to your blog as well! May we each live our lives in a transparent and real way that glorifies God in the good times and the bad.
He is faithful to complete the work He’s begun in us!
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This is post #16 in the challenge to post everyday in April.
The Romantic Vineyard 
How nice – a marriage blog!! My husband detests my blogging a little bit. But this was inspiring and made my marriage feel normal. Thank you for what you do!!!!
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Sara,
Thank you for your honest comment. We are all in this together aren’t we? No one has arrived, we are simply doing our best each day to glorify God in the daily mundane task of normal life.
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I believe this will be one of the most impacting posts you have made. It makes people take their eyes off of others and lofty ideas and live the life they have been given with more grace.
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Bonnie,
You are such an encouragement to me! Thank you for being a part of my normal life and giving me much grace in the process!
Love you bunches,
Debi
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I can totally relate to every one of your confessions because they are mine also. Many friends have encouraged me to start a website about marriage. I would love to. It is where my heart is. However, my time is pulled in many directions and I wouldn’t be able to do it justice the way you do. So instead, I pass on the wonderful ideas and insights I find on yours and others blogs. Many friends have said they have been helpful. Thank you for all you do. It is very helpful in so many ways. God Bless!
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Laura,
Thank you for taking the time to encourage us. It is one of the main things that keeps us going. We’re so grateful to hear that our blog is encouraging to you and your friends. Pray for us. This is a responsibility that doesn’t come lightly.
Blessings,
Debi
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The key point is the truly “listening” audience you have knew this already, Deb…It comes across in the little spaces between the statements.
But, for those who think all is idyll in marriage land, you just performed a great service.
Kudos and approbations.
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Thank you, Roy. We know what it’s like though to think other people have it better than we do. It’s a lie that promotes covetousness. Hopefully, this post helps throw cold water of reality on such temptations.
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Thanks for the honesty. Marriage is hard (so is blogging). It is reassuring to see that we are all human and in this together. Thank you (and Tom) for your work and insights. – Rich
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Thank YOU, Rich, for taking the time to comment. We are grateful to have a part in helping marriages succeed. Yes, we’re all in this together, and it makes it easier knowing we’re not alone in the struggle. God bless!
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I agree with Bonnie! This was excellent. I can’t wait to think through my ten confessions. 😛
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Jennifer,
And I can’t wait to read your confessions! Love you!
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So often I became discouraged reading all the great ideas, it is encouraging to hear about your struggles, it gives me hope to continue to trust in God and know things can be not perfect but always proving Thank you for being honest
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Kay,
Your comment confirms what we’ve been thinking. Thank you! We will purpose to offer more of these from time to time. We’re all a work in progress aren’t we!
Blessings,
Debi
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Kay,
You’re the reason we want to be transparent as much as possible. We never want to discourage marriages. We appreciate you being honest with US.
Thank you!
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Blogging does take more time than you thought it would, doesn’t it? Thanks for sharing so honestly. I wonder if we marriage blogging wives need to pool our resources and hire a home organizer to make the rounds. 😉
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Ah, J, that’s a brilliant idea!! A home organizer for all marriage bloggers. Now if we could just find a volunteer. 🙂
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I’m blessed by your honesty, friend. I really, really, really identify with #7, even though I am not done raising kids yet… regardless, I struggle a lot with internal dialogue that is constantly pondering the question “does my life look the way I want it to?!” I’m not always thrilled with where I land with that question. Lots of wrestling. Anyway, thanks for your vulnerability!!
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Julie,
Thank you for reaffirming that showing vulnerability is a good thing. It’s hard to put posts out where you know you’re revealing more of the personal stuff than you normally do. If I know it’s helpful to at least one, then it’s worth it. You’re that ONE, dear friend. Hang in there. God is leading you every step of the way, but sometimes it doesn’t feel like it, does it.
Debi
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I really loved reading this! I really like you!
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Aw, thanks! So glad you liked my confessions.
Debi
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Debi, I just loved reading your list! #6 is a big one for me and I can totally relate. Brad and I very much appreciate all that you and Tom do and the great wisdom you bring to the marriage blogging table! God sure is amazing with who he brings into our lives! So thankful for you guys. Not sure how I missed your post, but somehow I did. So glad I found it today! Blessings! 🙂
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Hey Kate,
Thank YOU for starting this thread of posts. It has been encouraging to hear the current struggles we are facing as marriage bloggers. Tom and I appreciate you and Brad so much. What a gift it is to have your input and wisdom available as we pursue growth in this ministry. Love you bunches!
Debi
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Debi, thanks for more insight into your sweet soul and your successful marriage. I am always uplifted by your gentle and forthright writing.
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Thank you, Pearl. You have uplifted me by your encouragement!
Blessings,
Debi
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Debi this was beautiful! It doesn’t matter what others are doing, what matters is what God has called you to do for His ministry. I so relate to the deep cleaning….although that comes easier to me than writing!
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Thank you, Jolene. You’re right–our desire is to be obedient to what we believe the Lord is calling us to do. Even the things we don’t like doing so much like cleaning! 🙂
Blessings,
Debi
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#1 I’m glad I’m NOT the only one. I have tons of date night ideas that I’d love to use, but can’t and don’t always use them. I’m thinking of making a checklist of the ones I’d really like to try and sharing it with my husband and asking for his thoughts. The ones that overlap I guess will be the ones we try. BTW, love your date night ideas on here! Always so fresh and fun!
#3 Adam and I struggle with this too. It’s challenging to find the time and place for a heart-to-heart when we’re both so busy sometimes and Adam isn’t a natural communicator.
#4 Us too. Adam always seems to know the exact date and time we last had sex, but me? I could happily go for days without feeling the need to connect intimately.
I’m so glad you shared your marriage confessions. It’s always fun to learn more about the people behind the blog.
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I am so glad you were so honest. Sometimes, reading these great marriage blogs like yours, makes me feel that they MUST have it all figured out, they must never argue, or “I bet they make love every night”. It is so refreshing to see that you are just real people!!
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Yes, Alyssa, we are very normal people talking to ourselves through every post. We may have a lot of knowledge in regard to having a strong marriage, but we still have to apply it. It’s a constant area we must work on intentionally. I’m so glad you’ve discovered the Truth about us! 🙂
Blessings,
Debi
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