Today I want to continue our conversation over a cup of coffee. You see, there are things that God has recently taken me through that I believe will help those of you who may be facing a similar challenge in your marriage. I want to pull back the curtain, so to speak, on my personal life in an effort to help others. I’m praying that as you read what I have to say you will feel the gentle nudge of the Holy Spirit revealing areas where my experience might resonate with yours.
It all started two years ago when our daughter moved to Georgia.
It was after helping them that I noticed unusual pain in both feet. My podiatrist diagnosed it as Morton’s neuroma, a benign tumor of sorts made up of a cluster of nerves. Without going into all the details, my foot pain only worsened. And there wasn’t anything the doctors could do to relieve it.
I could no longer go barefoot.
Being a Florida girl, the thought of never being able to go barefoot, even in my own home was very sad. I cried often at the things I could no longer do. Even walks around the block or on the beach with Tom were out of the question because even with shoes on, the pain was too much.
One day in my quiet time I sensed the Lord say that my feet were a physical manifestation of what was going on in my heart. Every step I took hurt, and every thing I had recently gone through in my life hurt as well. I was impressed that Christ was willing to endure great pain for my salvation. If He had called me to suffer pain in my feet as a way to glorify Him, I wanted to be able to do that. Yet I wanted my feet to be healed.
In March I had a friend over for coffee. We had a great time, and I enjoyed hearing her passion for what God was currently doing in her life. Then she asked me how my feet were doing. I was honest and told her not so good. She asked if I remembered when my pain began. I said it was when my daughter moved to Georgia. She asked more probing questions suggesting I might be angry with God over all the changes I had been through over the past few years, including her move.
I didn’t think I was angry with God.
I had often said how disappointed I was with so many things, but never saw it as anger. My friend looked me right in the eyes and said she could see the pain whenever I talked about it.
She prayed for me and then we parted. I sat down on the couch and began making a list of all the things in my life that I had classified as “disappointments.” I was surprised at how fast I was able to come up with a long list. And each one brought tears to my eyes. By the time I had finished writing, I was weeping! I knew the Lord was asking me to give them all to Him.
I asked God if I had been angry with Him, and I started to cry from deep inside.
It was the good kind of cry where you know the release is doing something good. I continued to allow the Holy Spirit to lead me to Scriptures, and worship songs. I told Him I could live with foot pain if it was His will, but to please not let my foot pain be a result of unconfessed sin in my heart. I repented of anger, jealousy, doubt, fear and not trusting Him. You must know that all my disappointments only began with our daughter’s move. There was much more disappointment in my heart concerning all kinds of changes we had experienced over the past few years.
I ended up being on the couch for over 4 hours. When I got up my feet felt different. A joy come over me that I can’t explain. That night I repented to Tom for the way my sin had affected our relationship. I repented specifically for all the ways I knew the past two years had put a strain on our marriage. He forgave me. What a wonderful gift it is to be granted forgiveness.
God in His mercy allowed me to see into my heart by using the rebuke of a friend and it wasn’t pretty, but it was so good. He provided the real surgery I needed, and it wasn’t in my feet but in my heart.
Today my feet are continuing to get better. I’ve even had days with no pain at all, which is nothing less than a miracle!
I can’t thank my friend enough for being a true friend to me, one who was willing to risk offending me by telling me the Truth I needed to hear, thus allowing God to do what He was wanting to do all along.
In what ways are you tempted to be angry with God? Has life seemed unfair leading you to great disappointment? If I could, I would look you in the eyes and tell you how much your Heavenly Father wants to set you free from your disappointments. Won’t you let Him have His way in your heart today?