Today I want to continue our conversation over a cup of coffee. You see, there are things that God has recently taken me through that I believe will help those of you who may be facing a similar challenge in your marriage. I want to pull back the curtain, so to speak, on my personal life in an effort to help others. I’m praying that as you read what I have to say you will feel the gentle nudge of the Holy Spirit revealing areas where my experience might resonate with yours.
It all started two years ago when our daughter moved to Georgia.
It was after helping them that I noticed unusual pain in both feet. My podiatrist diagnosed it as Morton’s neuroma, a benign tumor of sorts made up of a cluster of nerves. Without going into all the details, my foot pain only worsened. And there wasn’t anything the doctors could do to relieve it.
Photo Credit: sodahead.com
I could no longer go barefoot.
Being a Florida girl, the thought of never being able to go barefoot, even in my own home was very sad. I cried often at the things I could no longer do. Even walks around the block or on the beach with Tom were out of the question because even with shoes on, the pain was too much.
One day in my quiet time I sensed the Lord say that my feet were a physical manifestation of what was going on in my heart. Every step I took hurt, and every thing I had recently gone through in my life hurt as well. I was impressed that Christ was willing to endure great pain for my salvation. If He had called me to suffer pain in my feet as a way to glorify Him, I wanted to be able to do that. Yet I wanted my feet to be healed.
In March I had a friend over for coffee. We had a great time, and I enjoyed hearing her passion for what God was currently doing in her life. Then she asked me how my feet were doing. I was honest and told her not so good. She asked if I remembered when my pain began. I said it was when my daughter moved to Georgia. She asked more probing questions suggesting I might be angry with God over all the changes I had been through over the past few years, including her move.
I didn’t think I was angry with God.
I had often said how disappointed I was with so many things, but never saw it as anger. My friend looked me right in the eyes and said she could see the pain whenever I talked about it.
She prayed for me and then we parted. I sat down on the couch and began making a list of all the things in my life that I had classified as “disappointments.” I was surprised at how fast I was able to come up with a long list. And each one brought tears to my eyes. By the time I had finished writing, I was weeping! I knew the Lord was asking me to give them all to Him.
I asked God if I had been angry with Him, and I started to cry from deep inside.
It was the good kind of cry where you know the release is doing something good. I continued to allow the Holy Spirit to lead me to Scriptures, and worship songs. I told Him I could live with foot pain if it was His will, but to please not let my foot pain be a result of unconfessed sin in my heart. I repented of anger, jealousy, doubt, fear and not trusting Him. You must know that all my disappointments only began with our daughter’s move. There was much more disappointment in my heart concerning all kinds of changes we had experienced over the past few years.
I ended up being on the couch for over 4 hours. When I got up my feet felt different. A joy come over me that I can’t explain. That night I repented to Tom for the way my sin had affected our relationship. I repented specifically for all the ways I knew the past two years had put a strain on our marriage. He forgave me. What a wonderful gift it is to be granted forgiveness.
God in His mercy allowed me to see into my heart by using the rebuke of a friend and it wasn’t pretty, but it was so good. He provided the real surgery I needed, and it wasn’t in my feet but in my heart.
Today my feet are continuing to get better. I’ve even had days with no pain at all, which is nothing less than a miracle!
I can’t thank my friend enough for being a true friend to me, one who was willing to risk offending me by telling me the Truth I needed to hear, thus allowing God to do what He was wanting to do all along.
In what ways are you tempted to be angry with God? Has life seemed unfair leading you to great disappointment? If I could, I would look you in the eyes and tell you how much your Heavenly Father wants to set you free from your disappointments. Won’t you let Him have His way in your heart today?
The Romantic Vineyard 
What a gracious God we serve to show you your heart so plainly so that you could be set free. We don’t always ‘feel’ our pain because we are so calloused but you were so sensitive that it was clearly felt in your feet. Praise God for His mercies, dear friends in our lives and a longing to be right with Him. His Strength and Blessings as you continue to walk this one out.
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Thank you, Diane. It’s good to be reminded how intimately God cares for us, even in our sin.
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Yes, Debi – how I can relate to this post! I too have experienced outward, physical manifestations of what was going on in my heart – exposing fear that has set up camp.
It’s tempting to ignore that feeling “stressed” or “worried” is sin. That it’s fear. Who wants to acknowledge that they don’t trust God or agree with His way of doing things? (seems awfully bold, doesn’t it…) Unfortunately, I usually let it accumulate a while before I recognize that it’s there again. When I finally recognize it, I find journalling to be so beneficial. I make myself answer two questions, “What am I believing to be true about God in this situation?” and “What am I believing to be true about me in this situation?” Somehow, pen-meeting-paper provides a safe place for heart surgery to take place. It’s really a time of confession, exposing all the lies that have snuck their way in. It ends with me asking God to reveal His Truth. He is so amazing!!! How unbelievably patient He is with me. He always, always, always graciously finds a way to speak exactly to the very lies I am believing. I affectionately refer to it as “God setting my head on straight.” Really it’s much more than that. He works a miracle in my heart, softening it – and then there’s restoration and peace.
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Chris,
I don’t know where I would be in my walk with the Lord if it weren’t for keeping a daily journal. I can’t count the number of times He has interrupted my normal writing to tell me something I needed to hear. You’re right, “It’s tempting to ignore that feeling “stressed” or “worried” is sin. That it’s fear. Who wants to acknowledge that they don’t trust God or agree with His way of doing things?” I’ve found that pride is what keeps the tender conviction of the Holy Spirit at bay. If I posture myself humbly before God, He is always faithful to tell me what I need to hear. And sometimes it comes in the form of a friend’s rebuke.
Thanks for your excellent comment, and for your kind encouragement.
Blessings,
Debi
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I’ve read and personally experienced the connection between what’s n my heart,lack of spirituality…..is manifested through the flesh…illness,sickness….not cancer and diseases. I’ve experienced the same. It all is connected.
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Isn’t it amazing how our ’emotions’ affect all of us? grief work is hard but necessary and I am so glad you were able to figure out a lot of it and deal with it in a healing way. Good news for you, I know how hard it is.
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Thank you, Sharon. God has given me good news indeed. And I am grateful beyond words to express it!
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I am so grateful to God for my wonderful Daughter in love. She is a blessing to our entire family and I love her with all my heart.
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I have seen with a very close loved one how ‘heart issues’ can actually manifest themselves in physical conditions. I’d hardly have believed it without seeing it at very close range (I don’t want to go into details because it involves another person).
I also know what that deep weeping over sin is … exhausting, painful – but, oh, how blessed too. What a wonderful God we serve. Who would wish to be under any other Master?
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Homeschool,
I can’t imagine being under any other Master. The One who knows me best, loves me most! There is nothing sweeter than making it to the other side of grief over sin. God’s grace pours in like a flood and fills the soul with unspeakable joy.
Thanks for sharing. I hope your loved one finds the freedom that only honest repentance can bring.
Blessings,
Debi
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What a wonderful story, I’m glad you shared it. I can’t imagine my daughters leaving me yet but someday it will happen.
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Sis,
Yes, your daughters will be up and grown before you know it. Enjoy every day to its fullest. Life after raising children is oh so sweet to those who have continued to cultivate their marriage relationship. This is why we’re passionate about helping young families keep their marriage primary. It doesn’t just happen. Left to ourselves we drift apart. We must continue to press in to one another, not away.
Blessings,
Debi
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Not sure what led me here, but I have a lot of pain in my feet. Started after I had our 2nd baby. Made me really think. Now I will pray (perhaps a little differently abut this pain). Thank you!
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This is an awesome story! Thank you for sharing. I have had a similar experience, but mine was spiritual and not physical. I had been living for YEARS in unforgiveness towards my husband. I was so wounded, angry and bitter that I could not see the PLANK in my own eyes. God later showed me how I have been living in rebelliousness to Him throughout my ordeal. It was after I confessed my pride -among other sin- that God opened my eyes and I could see the error of my ways. That pride is sooo sneaky, but God is faithful and patient with His children. For that, I am GRATEFUL!!!
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Stephanie,
I’ve heard it said that pride is the soil from which all other sins grow. And humility is the foundation for all growth in godliness. So glad that God has helped you deal with your own heart on such a personal level. What a Savior who loves us so.
Thanks for sharing. Love hearing how God is helping others…so encouraging.
Debi
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