My Spouse Has Little Or No Desire For Sex

Photo Credit: by David Castillo Dominici

Photo Credit: by David Castillo Dominici

In our culture, with all the emphasis on sex, you wouldn’t think this is as big of an issue as it actually is. Yet no one wants to talk about it. Except, of course, for the spouse who is having to beg for sexual intimacy with their low drive spouse. It is very difficult and embarrassing for the both partners. Add to that the hurt feelings and misunderstandings that often accompany the tension these marriages are heading for disaster. Unless something happens.

Tom has always said that our sexual relationship isn’t the most important aspect of US, but it is a barometer that reveals how our marriage is doing. If you and your spouse are struggling in regards to physical intimacy, whether it’s lack of time, fatigue, desire or any number of other reasons, please know that you both have work to do. And it’s for the good of your marriage. The good news is there is much help available.

We are part of a larger community of marriage bloggers called CMBA (Christian Marriage Bloggers Association). Many of these bloggers have become our dear and trusted friends. They have been writing excellent posts about all sorts of things regarding sexual intimacy in marriage. As a result, we want to recommend a directory of posts that you can scroll through to see if there are any posts that speak to your particular challenge. If you don’t see what you’re looking for, please e-mail us (if you’d like to stay private) or comment requesting information about your particular topic.

God created marriage. Sex was His idea. We don’t want to make it more than it’s intended to be, but we don’t want to sideline it either. Finding the balance where you and your spouse can express your uninhibited love with each other in this way, does more to strengthen your vows to stay committed for a lifetime than anything else can. No one else can meet your spouse’s sexual needs. No one else is able to encourage them to such a depth. What a privilege that we have been chosen to love our spouse in such a way.

Let’s not let the enemy of marriage find a single victory in our relationships.


Wife who feels unloved

Husband who feels unloved

Low drive husband, high drive wife

Low drive wife, high drive husband

Topics About Sex You May Have Trouble Talking About

Some Causes Of Low Or No Desire For Sex

  • Parasites To Marriage, by Marriage Missions International
  • Forbidden Fruit, by Marriage Missions International (be sure to click on the links mentioned as well.)
  • Porn, by The Generous Husband (this one is a combination of a series of posts on the subject of Pornography and the harmful effects it has on marriage. Make sure you read it in its entirety to understand everything Paul is saying. He offers addendums to clarify.)

What topics would you like to see added to this Directory?

About Debi Walter

Tom and Debi have been sharing encouragements through their blogs for many years. Marriage, Reading God's Word and documenting family history is our focus. Growing in our relationship with the Lord is primary in all we say, write or do. We are grateful for all who desire to join us in the same endeavors.
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10 Responses to My Spouse Has Little Or No Desire For Sex

  1. Wow! This is GREAT! So… would you mind if I copy this and feature it on the Marriage Missions web site in the Sexual Issues topic? Hopefully it will eventually give added traffic and ministry opportunities to some CMBA participants. The above mentioned articles deserve to be read by as many people as possible. I LOVE the research you did on this… very helpful!

    Also, you should put a link in there to The Romantic Vineyard article, “When Your Sex Drive Putters Out.” It’s a good one on an issue that MANY married people encounter.

    Love to you and Tom. I look forward to talking to you on Tuesday 🙂


  2. Katiana says:

    Couldn’t find any place to email. The topic I would add is “When your husband is addicted to porn”


    • Debi Walter says:

      Thank you for this suggestion. We’ll add this as a heading in our directory. There are some excellent posts on this that I know will help those who are facing this battle.
      God will certainly help you find the help you need! It’s a difficult one and so painful!


  3. Pingback: Who are you trying to attract? - Encourage Your Spouse | Encourage Your Spouse

  4. tiffany says:

    Thanks for posting. My husband’s drive has decreased steadily over the past year. First, he had excessive heartburn, which was later diagnosed as GERD. since then, he may have IBS. so aggravating and disappointing


    • Debi Walter says:

      All marriages go through seasons of difficulty which obviously affects your sexual intimacy. Loving and caring for our spouse when they’re not themselves puts true love on display. Times like these are when you can choose to really love your spouse as Christ has loved us–laying your life down to help and serve them. We went through a similar struggle when Tom had a ruptured disk in his back. It took a year for him to fully recover. I’m praying this season will soon end for his sake and yours.


  5. Spicywife says:



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