What a Black and Blue Dress Can Teach Us About Marriage

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As most of you are probably aware, social media is ablaze with a debate about whether this dress white and gold or black and blue? Ask everyone near your computer and you’ll most likely get both answers.


It’s a matter of perception based on how God created you to see things. I hadn’t heard about it until some good friends of ours posted on FB that they needed a marriage counselor with the hashtags #blackandblue #thedress #sheswrong. Of course, with such a desperate plea, I had to check into it, and what a debate!

It seemed at first to be a clever marketing ploy of the dress manufacturer to get their product going viral. But in all honesty, this has taken the dress maker, Roman Originals, completely by surprise.

So why is it some people see a black and blue dress and others see it as white and gold? I could go into the scientific explanation for you, but I’ll leave that to the experts–click here if you really want to know. What I’d like to highlight is how to handle such a conflict.

What do you do when you see the opposite side of a conflict with your spouse?

  • Do you dig your heels in and demand agreement or no peace will be reached?
  • Do you try to see the situation the way your spouse does?
  • Do you cower and pretend your view doesn’t matter at all?
  • Do you pretend you see it the way your spouse does and don’t tell them what you see?

I think most couples if they’re honest, will say they’ve used all four options at one time or another. And hopefully as the years pass you’ve come to realize the wisest and most biblical way to approach a disagreement is the second option–try to see the situation the way your spouse does.

Tom and I have learned that we grow in our understanding of each other and the world around us if we take the time to look at life from the other’s perspective. It can be a gift or a curse, depending on how we view our differences.

What it comes down to is this–there are some things in marriage that are non-negotiable. There is a right way and wrong way {period}, and you must come to a resolve over these issues. This is why we believe pre-marital counseling is so important. Asking yourself and your fiancé’ what those non-negotiables are and then agreeing about them will make the hard work of marriage much easier.

As the year’s have passed I have come to enjoy seeing many things from Tom’s perspective rather than my own–like how I keep our home. He grew up in a very ordered home, where there was a place for everything. I grew up in a home that was more “casual” as I liked to call it. Tom would call it messy. I have learned to keep our house in a way that is comfortable to both of us, but for us it has never been a non-negotiable. We are flexible, which is always a good quality.

What areas are hot spots right now for you and your spouse? How has that affected the peace in your home? Are they negotiable?  If so, maybe it’s time to agree to disagree then kiss and make-up. Because it doesn’t really matter if the dress is black and blue or white and gold as long as you are together and get to enjoy a date night out on the town.


About Debi Walter

Tom and Debi have been sharing encouragements through their blogs for many years. Marriage, Reading God's Word and documenting family history is our focus. Growing in our relationship with the Lord is primary in all we say, write or do. We are grateful for all who desire to join us in the same endeavors.
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4 Responses to What a Black and Blue Dress Can Teach Us About Marriage

  1. Don’t know what’s wrong with the rest of you – I see bluish lavender and brown. (Really)


  2. Belah Rose says:

    I love that you mention these 4 possible ways of seeing a disagreement. Especially the “Do you pretend you see it the way your spouse does and don’t tell them what you see?” I am guilty of that at times. But I’m missing the opportunity to let myself be known and understood.

    Great insights to #thedress!


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