I have a feeling that if you’ve been married for any length of time that you know exactly what I’m talking about with this title –>When Communication Breaks Down.
It happens. And how you handle it reveals whether you’re on the road to Maturity or flying down the road marked Selfishness in the wrong direction. A crash is sure to occur unless you do something drastic to change your course.
Communication is an area of marriage in which one never arrives completely.
You may think you’re doing well, and then one misunderstanding happens and it seems you’re back to square one, shaking your head and tempted to be upset. The situation can escalate when you think you should be better than this.
How do you navigate such a difficult, bumpy road?
- Watch your tone of voice. (I’m more prone to this than Tom is.) Whenever Tom and I are in a communication breakdown, it’s easy to get frustrated that we don’t understand each other. If he doesn’t get what I’m trying to explain, I tend to say ‘forget it’, rather than press through the situation. And if I do press through I will most likely let my tone show my frustration.
- Be patient. When I see something clearly, and I can’t seem to get Tom to see it as I do, I’m immediately tempted to get mad at him. This is real life, folks. Just because we’ve been married 36 years it doesn’t mean we’ve arrived at a level of communication where there are no more bumps on this road called marriage.
- Don’t give up. Sometimes it feels easier to walk away with a “just forget it” attitude than to do the hard work necessary to understand each other. But this isn’t a good choice. It sets you up to hold a grudge–one you may not realize you have until the next time there’s a miscommunication.
- Choose the humble road. God has promised to always give us a way of escape when it comes to temptation. Conflict in marriage is no exception. The sad thing is it’s not an easy choice to make; when the temperature is rising it’s much easier to allow yourself to explode than to step back and cool your jets, so to speak.
The inspiration for this post sadly came from an incident that just happened.
I was trying to log into Tom’s laptop and couldn’t get it to work the way I wanted it to. When I tried to explain my dilemma to Tom, he didn’t get why I was struggling. Rather than explain it to him, I chose to say, “never mind” in frustration. When I started to write this post, I knew exactly what I needed to share.
Marriage is a never-ending road to growing in maturity. We will stumble. We will say things we regret. We will apologize and ask forgiveness and try again. Know that on the other side of such conflicts we learn how to do it better next time. We grow in our understanding of each other and hopefully choose to take the above steps the next time it happens.
If you’re in the midst of a communication break down, please don’t let it fester. Go after it together and don’t stop until you reach a place of understanding and resolve. Your marriage is worth it!
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