The Cause And Effect Marriage Covered With Grace


I didn’t even know my need until I saw the effect it was having on my marriage. Something was wrong between us. We weren’t connecting. We weren’t communicating. We were at odds living our normal everyday life. On the outside everything moved forward as it always did, but on the inside a discontent was growing in my heart. 

Have you ever been there? Thinking thoughts about your spouse, your marriage and your life that you know aren’t for building up? I’d be surprised if you said NO. We all have temptations to be discontent. The Israelites displayed this over and over for us in the Old Testament. None of the good God did for them lasted long enough for them to really change. Given the next hardship they were right back grumbling and complaining, and as a result they became a stench in God’s nostrils.

But thanks be to God that was under the Old Law. If I had lived then, I would have been no different. We are blessed to live under the law of grace–amazing grace. And this grace provides a way of escape from the shackles of discontent that would destroy all I hold dear.

I felt like my heart was far away and that it would take a long process to bring in back to where it should be. I told Tom I desperately needed a date night where we could talk. So we planned it.

I never want to get used to the look on Tom’s face when he hears what I’ve been thinking. It’s a mixture of confusion, hurt and disappointment. And knowing that my words have caused those looks works like a healing salve on my heart that softens it for repentance.

My time to talk is finished, and it’s Tom’s turn to respond. After pulling away to the restroom–most likely to pray, he returns with love, compassion and what I needed most–wisdom. 

Time after time in our marriage we’ve encountered roadblocks like this one. Either I caused it, or Tom caused it, or extenuating circumstances caused it. Whatever the cause–the answer is always the same–Grace! We need to extend grace to each other in our times of need. We need to pray for our marriage for the wisdom that alone comes from God. He knows the timely word or analogy we need to hear in order to set our focus aright.

I’m grateful for that night and for the breakthrough God provided. It literally feels as if the monkey has been removed from my back, where he was whispering ugly things in my ear. The saddest part of it all is that I listened to him. 

In his book Grace-Filled Marriage, Dr. Tim Kimmel explains:

Grace isn’t blind. Nor is it without nerve endings. A call to a grace-filled marriage doesn’t mean we ignore, trivialize, or excuse our spouse’s unacceptable behavior. Grace doesn’t mean we lose our voice when it comes to dealing head-on with things that are clearly out of line. And grace doesn’t remove consequences. God’s grace is offered to us, but it isn’t realize if we’re unwilling to receive it properly. We have to repent.

Let’s purpose to seek a grace-filled marriage. One where we are our spouse’s closest friend and confidant. Where we can talk about anything without it exploding into a war of words. Let’s listen, pray and then speak with the words of God provides.

This is a grace-filled marriage, and what we want to embrace as long as we both shall live.


About Debi Walter

Tom and Debi have been sharing encouragements through their blogs for many years. Marriage, Reading God's Word and documenting family history is our focus. Growing in our relationship with the Lord is primary in all we say, write or do. We are grateful for all who desire to join us in the same endeavors.
This entry was posted in Biblical Encouragement, Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict, Growing Strong Marriages, Keeping It Real and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to The Cause And Effect Marriage Covered With Grace

  1. Amen! I enjoyed reading this, thank you 🙂


  2. Amen! Grace can truly turn our marriages around for the best if we embrace it. I was blessed by this Debi, thanks for sharing.
    Hava a super blessed day!


  3. Lisa says:

    Thank you for being so honest and sharing your struggles. It’s amazing how helpful it is to know others struggle with some of the same things I do, and that I’m not alone. I love the words you said of being our spouse’s closest friend and confidant. I pray I can be a grace-filled wife for my husband.


    • Debi Walter says:

      Lisa, I used to think that couples who have been married longer discover a secret to making a marriage without difficulty when it comes to relating to each other. After 37 years I can tell you that isn’t true. Marriage is hard work and we can never let up being intentional towards each other because we are still prone to sin. And until we are glorified we will continue to have to fight our sinful tendencies. Thanks for your excellent comment.


  4. Mary Geisen says:

    I love your words as you speak from an honest and vulnerable place. Marriage is hard and I love hearing how you and your husband carved out time to work on something that is important to both of you. I never tire of hearing about grace because it amazes me that God freely gives it to us even after we mess up over and over. I know I need to learn to extend grace to myself when life’s challenges overwhelm me.

    Thank you for visiting my blog and leaving such kind words. I am blessed by being here today.


    • Debi Walter says:

      Mary, I felt the same way about finding your blog. Thank you for dropping in. Grace is amazing in that it keeps giving and giving and we can never exhaust it!


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