Yesterday we had lunch with friends and this question came up…
When have you been the most afraid?
It was a good question that led to an hour-long discussion involving lots of emotion. Some had had near-death experiences involving themselves or a child. I shared a couple–one was, like theirs, where I was fearful for my life. The other is the one I’d like to share with you.
It was the week of our wedding, and I didn’t know how ill prepared I was for our life together. You see no one had taken the time to prepare me for sexual intimacy with my husband. The anticipation of the big day was more than I could bear. My stress showed itself by the acne on my face. I had never struggled with this until my anxiety reached it’s max. I was nervous, afraid and embarrassed at how I looked. But there was nothing I could do, but trust God to lead me through the wedding.
And He did.
My husband understood my reluctance and didn’t push me. He cared for me patiently and helped me overcome my inhibitions. I knew after our first night together that my husband was exactly who I had hoped he’d was. Because of his care I felt safe to be myself and share my struggles. He listened and we talked.
Thankfully, I had no abuse or shame in my history causing my reluctance. My fear was due to the unknown. Once I discovered how our sexual intimacy was an overflow of our emotional intimacy, it seemed natural to express my physical love to him.
I realize that sexual intimacy can open the door to a lot of past pain. Having a spouse who is willing to listen, understand and lead you through the struggle makes all the difference.
I’m grateful that the only thing I really had to fear was the fear itself. Once I faced it, the fear dissipated.
What is the most afraid your spouse has ever been? If you don’t know take time to ask, and then listen to their heart. This is an open door to deeper intimacy.