Defining Disappointments in Marriage

Marriage is hard. It takes a life-long commitment to pursue each other regardless of the circumstances we face. We tend to romance our marriage vows because they sound so poetic. But think about it -- I am promising to make my spouse my priority in the worse, the poorer and the sickness of life. It sounds so noble--until it's not.

Photo by Milada Vigerova on Unsplash

“If we have a misunderstanding of God we will most certainly have a wrong understanding of our circumstances.” – Lysa Terkeurst

Marriage is hard. It takes a life-long commitment to pursue each other regardless of the circumstances we face. We tend to romance our marriage vows because they sound so poetic. But think about it — I am promising to make my spouse my priority in the worse, the poorer and the sickness of life. It sounds so noble–until it’s not.

Life is messy, and marriage multiplies the trouble.

  • Children add strain to our wedded bliss–either through physical health challenges, behavior struggles or refusing to sleep through the night. Maybe you and your spouse don’t agree on how to deal with these types of challenges; that makes it even harder to bear.
  • Work life brings its own problems. You weren’t given the promotion for which you had worked months to achieve. Your spouse faces depression as a result and you feel helpless and alone. Or an office relationship your spouse has turns into something more, and you are left with a decision you never thought you’d have to make-to stay or to leave.
  • Sickness hits your spouse requiring you to give and serve on levels you’ve never imagined. A future that once looked bright is now dotted with doctor appointments and treatments with no guarantee of the outcome.

These are just a few examples of how life as we planned it may not happen. Does that mean the marriage is doomed? Only if you succumb to the temptations to flee.

It is vital that as Christians we remember there is nothing we go through that hasn’t first passed through God’s all-knowing, all-loving hand. He takes us through difficulty to help us know Him more.

When we are disappointed and angry in our circumstances it may be we are dissing His appointments chosen just for us.

Let me repeat that. When we are disappointed and angry in our circumstances it may be we are dissing His appointments chosen just for us.

To “dis” someone is to disrespect or dismiss them altogether. I imagine many of you may be asking, how can this be? How can God be allowing such hardship in my marriage. Isn’t He supposed to be good?

We must remember what the Bible says. God’s ways are not our ways. But He IS Good. This truth must be embraced to walk through the dark valleys together. Sometimes there are no answers that satisfy our broken hearts. But God has promised to never leave us in the mess. He will faithfully walk us through it to the other side where we may find answers or maybe we won’t. But one thing is certain, we will know and love Him more if we endure.

A marriage that has stood the test of time is a beautiful thing.

It isn’t because “they just got a good one” as we have heard many times. No, it’s how they chose to stay committed even through the disappointments of life. Trusting God when you don’t know what tomorrow will bring is faith in its purest form. It’s daring to believe in the goodness and kindness of God when it feels the exact opposite.

Next time you are faced with disappointment in your marriage, pause and ask God to help you embrace His appointment chosen just for you. Ask Him to give you eyes to see and faith to trust His choice for you in this season. These are prayers that please Him and indicate your sincere faith in what you cannot see.

NOTE: If you are not a Christian, having trusted in Christ alone for your salvation, this post will most likely not make sense. We encourage you, if interested, to read your Bible and discover Jesus for yourself. Start with the Gospel of John. This December will mark my 50th year as a believer. I can say He has been faithful to keep His promises, and He is good!


This is my 6th post in the Ultimate Blog Challenge to post everyday in April.


About Debi Walter

Face it, marriage is hard work. But when cultivated daily the fruit produced will satisfy for a lifetime. We're here to help with ideas and encouragement along the way. Having been married 40 years and counting, we share what we've learned with practical tips, Biblical Truths, Date night ideas to help you plow your own vineyard for God's glory.
This entry was posted in Biblical Encouragement, Christian Marriage, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages, Troubled Marriage and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Defining Disappointments in Marriage

  1. vidhya29 says:

    woow can totally relate to this post! loved it

    Liked by 1 person

  2. That life-long commitment looks different today than it did 43 years ago. After many trials and joys, the commitment looks better and has proved to be worth it.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. ginia says:

    I am not a Christian but your post does make a lot of sense to me. Thank you so much for this post.Disappointments are a part and parcel of life. It depends on how we face them.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I know that I’m a disappointment,
    and that knowledge causes pain
    but if offered re-appointment,
    I’d likely screw it up again.
    I started out a morning-glory,
    bright and ready for the day,
    but alas, you know the story,
    all the fervour died away.
    There were moments I’d recapture
    something of the days of old,
    and that warmth, such departure
    from the silent heart grown cold.
    But the vow was meant to stand,
    and I still hold to Jesus’ hand.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Regina Wiley says:

    Amazing article, do wish people understood the prioritizing the other person. It is the magic that makes it work. Curious, do you feel your spouse choosing to not repent stands in the way of God moving and allowing the relationship to continue?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Debi Walter says:

      It depends what it is they are refusing to repent of. If it’s adultery or abuse and they are refusing to repent it would definitely have a detrimental effect on the life of the marriage. But we have seen spouse’s stay in the marriage after adultery and God completely turned it around.
      God can do impossible things, even the marriage I may not see making it, He can restores for His glory.
      Does this answer your question?

      Like

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