Conversation #1 –
Something was weighing on my mind. It was concerning something in our marriage, and I had been dwelling on it long enough to make me discouraged. It grew larger in my thoughts as each day passed. I prayed about it. I complained in my heart about it. I talked to myself about my disappointment. But I didn’t think to talk to Tom about it. Instead, I allowed this thought to fester. What it produced was a lack of intimacy bringing with it distance.
Conversation #2 –
Something was weighing on my mind. It was concerning something in our marriage, and I decided I couldn’t keep this to myself. I took and deep breath and asked Tom if we could talk. I told him something was bothering me, but I was afraid I couldn’t say it in a way that wouldn’t hurt him. He took my hand and sat us both down together. I had his full attention and there was no turning back. I shared my struggle, not in a self-righteous, “what’s wrong with you”, tone. But in a sincere concern for him tone. He got it. We talked about how we could tackle this together, and this produced intimacy that brought me to tears. I felt heard, loved and cared for. And I think he did as well.
Why do we hesitate to bring our struggles into the light? I believe there is one huge reason. We are listening to the wrong voice in our head. Anytime we hear the voice of a critical spirit we can be sure that this is the voice to silence. God never treats us in a condescending way. Only the enemy of our soul stoops to such measures because sadly, it works!
The next time something is weighing on your mind. Make the time necessary to talk about it face-to-face. Don’t come with a pointed finger casting blame. Instead, come with a hand to help and a heart to understand. Finish the conversation by praying together about the issue. When you are the one who needs to work on an area, it helps to hear your spouse pray for you. It is a window allowing you to see how your neglect or sin in an area affects them.
Intimacy doesn’t just happen. It happens by making hard choices to lean in together instead of pulling away. It’s purposing to do hard things for the long-range good of your marriage. Which conversation will you choose? The choice is yours.
This is our 10th post in the Ultimate Blog Challenge to post everyday in April.
The time is past for talking, here,
and I am out of breath.
Some things, though, are painful-clear
in the light of coming death.
I really should have listened more
and not thought so high of self;
I could have opened heart’s own door,
and not placed feelings on a shelf.
It’s not something to despair,
but yes, I do regret
that it’s too late now to repair
the hurts we can’t forget.
They say God saves our fallen tears;
does He save, too, the wasted years?
i think that’s why hubby and I have made it together since 1965 because we always talk things out. There have been times when the discussion may have a few ups and downs but it always balances out in the end.
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Great advice Martha. ❤️
Thanks for this inspirational post. It helped to bring many things in perspective.
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“I believe there is one huge reason. We are listening to the wrong voice in our head.”
Or we are listening to the voice of our partner that is telling us to shut up, we are just full of it!
Michael, if that’s the case then we encourage you to seek outside help. It’s not surprising that you’re struggling with communication. We all do and have to learn how to say what needs to be said.
Why do you assume that I’m the one struggling with communication? I’m afraid it’s not about learning how to SAY what needs to be said. It’s about your spouse being willing to LISTEN and take what you say to heart. You cannot change somebody else if THEY don’t see any reason to change, no matter how well you present it.
You are absolutely right! If your wife is struggling to hear what you’re saying then you both have a communication problem. Marriage is about “we” not “you”. Finding the solution is a team effort. If she is unwilling then that is something only the Lord can change. We pray this is not the case for you. I’m not assuming you’re the one struggling with communication. I apologize if that’s how my response came across.
You are absolutely right! If your wife is struggling to hear what you’re saying then you both have a communication problem. Marriage is about “we” not “you”. Finding the solution is a team effort. If she is unwilling then that is something only the Lord can change. We pray this is not the case for you.