How would you finish this title? “If my spouse would just…” If you have an immediate answer that involves something they need to do to change, it’s likely you have some unresolved conflict lingering in the air.
We all have our own plans for how things should go. When our spouse goes in a direction different than what we would have chosen it often causes conflict. Knowing this happens goes a long way to help resolve this common problem.
When it happens we have a choice to make. We can…
- Do it their way without complaint.
- Do it their way and grumble under your breath.
- Ignore their request and do nothing.
- Ignore their request and do it my way.
- Refuse their request telling them loudly why my way is better.
- Ask if we can talk about the situation.
Which way we choose speaks volumes of our commitment to the marriage. Some of us choose to ignore the hot spots in marriage all together. Ken Sande in his book, Peacemaker, calls this “peace faking”. Peace fakers avoid conflict at all costs, even to the detriment of the marriage. “Peace breakers” are those who let their way be known loud and clear, usually with an attitude or anger.
Of the six choices above #6 is the starting point. #1 can be good if you aren’t avoiding the conversation because of fear. The four in the middle are all sinful responses and should be resisted.
Maybe the best thing to do is to consider how your spouse would answer the title. What is something they have been wanting you to do/change/or stop doing?
Why not take it to the Lord and ask His help in changing you? After all, we can’t change our spouse. The only one we can work on changing is ourselves. It may be that as you focus on yourself you’ll no longer notice what your spouse is or isn’t doing. And the hope is that God will nudge them to make needed changes. After all He is the only One who can change hearts.
This is my 14th post in the Ultimate Blogging Challenge to post everyday in April.
The Romantic Vineyard 
If you would just be more like me
then life would be a dream.
It would be grand, oh, can’t you see?
We’d make the perect team!
Our lives would be synchronized
to my cool logical mind
and not fractured, Frankensteined,
the blind leading the blind.
If you had my quiet might
(yours is strong but noisy)
I know that we could even fight
some mobsters from Noo Joisy.
But (sigh) you’re from a different place
and that, my dear, is special grace.
Can’t resist adding this, from My Fair Lady.
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I think I have a one of a kind spouse. He does as many household chores as I do if not more plus keeps up the outside and yard. He has Rheumatoid Arthritis and lives in pain but he just won’t stop. We have been a team since 1965 and we’re in it for the long haul.
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I am sure he would say the same about you. I’ve noticed the couples who have thriving marriages usually deflect all the credit to their spouse. That’s true love in its selfless form.
Congratulations Martha! What an example your marriage must be to all who know and love you.
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Excellent!
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Thanks Bonnie. 😊
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Challenging as always!
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We love you both. 🙂
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IFTT (If this, then that) is how many manage relationships. If you change, then I’ll be happy, If you do this for me, then I’ll do that for you. If they could just read this blog, it was clear, concise and loving. What can I change within myself? That’s IT!
Thank you for passing along this loving and gentle message.
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Exactly Fran! We have seen couples stand their ground until the death of the marriage. Then now one wins and the children lose. Most of all God is not glorified as He should be. Thank you for sharing the IFTT acronym—it is a concise way to describe this tendency to be selfish and demanding. So glad you stopped by!
Blessings,
Debi
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