How would you finish this title? “If my spouse would just…” If you have an immediate answer that involves something they need to do to change, it’s likely you have some unresolved conflict lingering in the air.
We all have our own plans for how things should go. When our spouse goes in a direction different than what we would have chosen it often causes conflict. Knowing this happens goes a long way to help resolve this common problem.
When it happens we have a choice to make. We can…
- Do it their way without complaint.
- Do it their way and grumble under your breath.
- Ignore their request and do nothing.
- Ignore their request and do it my way.
- Refuse their request telling them loudly why my way is better.
- Ask if we can talk about the situation.
Which way we choose speaks volumes of our commitment to the marriage. Some of us choose to ignore the hot spots in marriage all together. Ken Sande in his book, Peacemaker, calls this “peace faking”. Peace fakers avoid conflict at all costs, even to the detriment of the marriage. “Peace breakers” are those who let their way be known loud and clear, usually with an attitude or anger.
Of the six choices above #6 is the starting point. #1 can be good if you aren’t avoiding the conversation because of fear. The four in the middle are all sinful responses and should be resisted.
Maybe the best thing to do is to consider how your spouse would answer the title. What is something they have been wanting you to do/change/or stop doing?
Why not take it to the Lord and ask His help in changing you? After all, we can’t change our spouse. The only one we can work on changing is ourselves. It may be that as you focus on yourself you’ll no longer notice what your spouse is or isn’t doing. And the hope is that God will nudge them to make needed changes. After all He is the only One who can change hearts.
This is my 14th post in the Ultimate Blogging Challenge to post everyday in April.