Photo by Juliette F on Unsplash

A famous song is our post title for today. We did a parody of it at our church a few years ago for a ladies retreat that focused on the seasons of life. This song is one of my favorites that I still quote. It is about a new wife’s perspective and what they are learning about their husbands…

Getting to know you. Getting to know all about you.

You must have “boys” eyes, never find anything.

I don’t know how you managed this long without me.

To help you find your keys and your clothes, tho’ they’re under your nose,

Day by day.

Getting to know you. Getting to know all about you.

I never knew how needy a man could be.

When he is sick he acts as if he is dying.

He really milks it for all that it’s worth.

Thank God he can’t give birth!

Day by day.

Of course this is a tongue-in-cheek song that is full of stereotypes to make us laugh. But seriously, getting to know each other can be a daunting task. Especially if you enter the marriage with little or no counsel.

Wives can think their husbands will become like their best girlfriends, talking about any and everything. After all, that is what best friends are for. Right?

Husbands can think their wives are going to embrace their life and routines without question, with the best part being great sex on a regular basis.

Any of you who have been married more than a minute know this is not usually the case. (Of course there are exceptions and if you are one, you should thank God every day for this blessing!)

But if you are struggling to understand your spouse and their POV, know that this is common in most marriages. It can be the starting point of a deeper relationship if you don’t ignore the differences.

Begin by…

• Seeking to understand each other.
• Asking questions and listening to the answers before formulating your next question.
• Not expecting to get it the first time you talk about it.
• Remembering each person brings a different dynamic to the marriage.
• Realizing no two marriages are alike. What works for others may not work for you and that’s okay.

Think of it as a marriage adventure. You begin your journey with a car packed with everything you think you’ll need on this trip together. He has his things and she has hers. He enjoys all outdoor activities. She prefers the food and shopping found along the way. They both have high expectations of what it will take to make this adventure fun and memorable. You can be sure there will be disagreements as to where they go and what they do with their time. There is one word offered to the wise that will make all the difference in how to make sure this journey will succeed…compromise.

A compromise is a meeting in the middle, agreeing to consider another option.

We all have expectations, and they can be good. When they aren’t good is when they turn into demands.

Demand is defined: to ask for something forcefully, in a way that shows that you do not expect to be refused. 

If this is where you are in your relationship, there is hope. Realizing the problem is more than half of the battle. A great resource that we have found helpful with this issue is a book by Paul David Tripp titled, What Did You Expect? Redeeming The Realities Of Marriage

“One way God establishes beauty is by putting things that are different next to each other. Isn’t this exactly what God does in marriage? He puts very different people next to each other. This is how he establishes the beauty of a marriage. The moon would not be so striking if it hung in a white sky; in the same way, the striking beauty of a marriage is when two very different people learn to celebrate and benefit from their differences and to be protected from their weaknesses by being sheltered by the other’s strength.”

We pray we can all learn to find such beauty in our marriages: Celebrating the differences and sheltered by each other’s strength.

What are some ways you have found this to be true in your relationship?

Photo by Pearse O’Halloran on Unsplash

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This is my 17th post in the Ultimate Blog Challenge to post everyday in April.

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