Getting To Know You

We all come into marriage with expectations. Getting to know each other is the start of dismantling them.

Photo by Juliette F on Unsplash

A famous song is our post title for today. We did a parody of it at our church a few years ago for a ladies retreat that focused on the seasons of life. This song is one of my favorites that I still quote. It is about a new wife’s perspective and what they are learning about their husbands…

Getting to know you. Getting to know all about you.

You must have “boys” eyes, never find anything.

I don’t know how you managed this long without me.

To help you find your keys and your clothes, tho’ they’re under your nose,

Day by day.

Getting to know you. Getting to know all about you.

I never knew how needy a man could be.

When he is sick he acts as if he is dying.

He really milks it for all that it’s worth.

Thank God he can’t give birth!

Day by day.

Of course this is a tongue-in-cheek song that is full of stereotypes to make us laugh. But seriously, getting to know each other can be a daunting task. Especially if you enter the marriage with little or no counsel.

Wives can think their husbands will become like their best girlfriends, talking about any and everything. After all, that is what best friends are for. Right?

Husbands can think their wives are going to embrace their life and routines without question, with the best part being great sex on a regular basis.

Any of you who have been married more than a minute know this is not usually the case. (Of course there are exceptions and if you are one, you should thank God every day for this blessing!)

But if you are struggling to understand your spouse and their POV, know that this is common in most marriages. It can be the starting point of a deeper relationship if you don’t ignore the differences.

Begin by…

  • Seeking to understand each other.
  • Asking questions and listening to the answers before formulating your next question.
  • Not expecting to get it the first time you talk about it.
  • Remembering each person brings a different dynamic to the marriage.
  • Realizing no two marriages are alike. What works for others may not work for you and that’s okay.

Think of it as a marriage adventure. You begin your journey with a car packed with everything you think you’ll need on this trip together. He has his things and she has hers. He enjoys all outdoor activities. She prefers the food and shopping found along the way. They both have high expectations of what it will take to make this adventure fun and memorable. You can be sure there will be disagreements as to where they go and what they do with their time. There is one word offered to the wise that will make all the difference in how to make sure this journey will succeed…compromise.

A compromise is a meeting in the middle, agreeing to consider another option.

We all have expectations, and they can be good. When they aren’t good is when they turn into demands.

Demand is defined: to ask for something forcefully, in a way that shows that you do not expect to be refused. 

If this is where you are in your relationship, there is hope. Realizing the problem is more than half of the battle. A great resource that we have found helpful with this issue is a book by Paul David Tripp titled, What Did You Expect? Redeeming The Realities Of Marriage

“One way God establishes beauty is by putting things that are different next to each other. Isn’t this exactly what God does in marriage? He puts very different people next to each other. This is how he establishes the beauty of a marriage. The moon would not be so striking if it hung in a white sky; in the same way, the striking beauty of a marriage is when two very different people learn to celebrate and benefit from their differences and to be protected from their weaknesses by being sheltered by the other’s strength.”

We pray we can all learn to find such beauty in our marriages: Celebrating the differences and sheltered by each other’s strength.

What are some ways you have found this to be true in your relationship?

Celebrating the differences and making them a strength in marriage.

Photo by Pearse O’Halloran on Unsplash

_________________________________________

This is my 17th post in the Ultimate Blog Challenge to post everyday in April.

_________________________________________

About Debi Walter

Face it, marriage is hard work. But when cultivated daily the fruit produced will satisfy for a lifetime. We're here to help with ideas and encouragement along the way. Having been married 40 years and counting, we share what we've learned with practical tips, Biblical Truths, Date night ideas to help you plow your own vineyard for God's glory.
This entry was posted in Cherishing, Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages, Perspective in Marriage, resources and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Getting To Know You

  1. You wouldn’t want to feel me now,
    and I don’t want to share,
    especially as to seein’s how
    there’s demons everywhere.
    It’s not that I’m hallucinating
    for these are metaphors,
    but no less real in celebrating
    their breaching all my doors.
    Cancer’s got me dead to rights
    and I am now past caring
    of anything beyond these fights,
    and the need for skill and daring.
    Perhaps one day, when I win,
    we may, shyly, begin again.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Jeanine Byers says:

    This is such good advice for couples! But also, for families, I think. And I love that song. When I was a child, we had the album, and I’d come home from school, go into the living room and song my heart out to that song, walking around the living room as if I was onstage. I love to sing & that song has always been one of my favorites. Thanks for reminding me of those moments in my young life.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. johnrieber says:

    What you write seems so simple, yet it’s so difficult, and there are so many landmines in life…thanks for sharing this!

    Like

  4. mesaazgriefcoach says:

    Compromise is one of the keys to marriage. Communication is another. Without communication – their is no compromise. Good advice, Debi.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I believe using the 36 questions process (https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html) after one has dated for a while is a worthwhile prerequisite to the next stage.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Martha DeMeo says:

    After 54 years together and 52 years of marriage, hubby and I have compromised many times. We have a wonderful marriage and love how much love we still have.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply to RAAckerman@Cerebrations.biz Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.