I have always been emotional. I cry at movies. I cry at weddings. I have even been known to cry at a funeral of someone whom I had never met. I put myself in another’s place and imagine what it must feel like for them. This is great for showing empathy and weeping with those who weep. But at times I feel engulfed by it.
For years I tried to hold my emotions back. I envied women who could dab a tear from their eyes and hardly anyone would notice. Not me. I ugly cry. My nose turns bright red, and my eyes swell. It’s not a pretty site. Add to that my inability to stop the flow of tears once they begin, and you can see how this is embarrassing.
Engulfed and embarrassed. How is my husband supposed to learn to live with me in an “understanding way” as 1 Peter 3:7 commands? It is no easy task because I often don’t understand myself.
What we have found to work after 4 decades of practice, is communication. Not the empty kind where nothing is really gained from the conversation. I’m talking the kind where I have Tom’s full attention. Here are four steps that have worked for us in finding a deeper level of Emotional Intimacy:
- Examine my heart – Tom asks me good questions to help him understand what I’m thinking.
- Explain how I got here. What thoughts led up to these feelings? Sometimes I have an immediate answer, and sometimes I don’t know. It takes further questions and deeper probing into my heart. But having a spouse who is willing to lean in to know me in this way is an indescribable gift. And many times we don’t figure it all out in one sitting. It’s a process and we have a lifetime to work on it.
- Express the truth in love by reminding me of Scripture. It is the Truth of God’s Word that will set me free from all the binds me.
- Embrace. On the Myers-Briggs personality test, I scored 100% feeling on the feeling/logic section. There is no logic to be found in my brain. Spock wouldn’t know how to deal with me, and I’m grateful I didn’t marry Mr. Spock. While my husband doesn’t always understand my emotions he has found that many times I just want to be heard and held.
The other thing that has helped me grow in this area is pouring my heart out to the Lord. I take Him my fears, my insecurities, my disappointments, and my requests. I cry in His presence and something amazing happens. I feel the burden lift.
“Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest...For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:28,30 ESV
Our emotions are a gift from God. He made us each with varying degrees of emotional needs. The spouse who leans in to become intimate on an emotional level with their spouse is demonstrating what it means to love and cherish.
Have you or your spouse ever been engulfed by emotions? How did you find a way out?
(Did you find the 6th secret letter for today? Once again it’s shown by the words in BOLD)
This is our 29th post in the Ultimate Blog Challenge to post everyday in April.
The Romantic Vineyard 
This is so good. Encouraging people and couples in handling their emotions well is not talked about much.
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I live it everyday. So this post is me in a blog post. 😊
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I know that to be true, so it makes the post all the more meaningful.
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My kids always laugh- It’s just a movie, dad! There’s no need to cry…
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I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that too!
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The night was long and ended
in a bloody screaming dawn.
I wish this could be mended,
but Cochise, we must go on.
I know you need time for tears;
it’s hard to watch me die,
and I will try to calm your fears
and hold you when you cry.
Don’t hold it all inside you,
for there it cannot live.
Relax, and let it pass through,
and take what it may give.
You’ll find today’s acknowledged sorrow
is the seed for a happier morrow.
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I’m a crier too — also an ugly crier. I used to be embarrassed about it but not anymore. I learned that crying is very stress relieving AND a sign of strength. You have to be strong and confident in yourself to allow yourself to be THAT vulnerable in front of others. Keeping tears inside builds tension. Feelings MUST be released. I say have a good cry whenever you feel like it and don’t be embarrassed. Maybe others should be embarrassed when they don’t cry because they’re not showing their emotions.
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For me, it depends. Sometimes I get hit by a wave of sorrow and would be tempted to cry it out…but at the end, I’d be tired and hurting, and I’d still have cancer, and it would still be killing me. (Crying, like breathingm hurts physically now.)
There are those who think that my wife and I should “cry in one another’s arms” over the situation, but it’s a lot more fun, and I think perhaps useful, to joke about it.
I’m fully aware that I may be (or, likely AM) shortchanging Barb, forcing her into my own image. I try to be cogniant of her needs; in that I am not always successul.
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So sorry to hear that you have cancer, Andrew. Currently I’m going through some stuff and am praying that cancer is not involved. I’ve cried over it – and not, it doesn’t change the situation, but for me it helps to release the agony of the waiting. Once I cry it out I feel relief and then I can move on. As far as your wife is concerned – if she needs to cry – she will.
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Eydie, the years have shown me this! Thank you! I did a study once about the chemistry of our tears. If you look at them under a microscope different tears look differently. So they have a beauty all their own. If God collects my tears in A bottle they must bring Him glory in some way. I wrote about this on my author blog debigraywalter.com
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It can be so wonderful when someone asks good questions! I cry easily, too!! Even in response to commercials. Just recently, my son and I watched Beyonce’s performance at Coachella. It was intended to showcase black culture. A tribute. Because no black woman had ever been asked to perform there before. Well, she hit it out of the park, and it was so moving, as the concert began, that my son & I both said we felt like crying. And then, I did, and we had to pause it for a minute. So I totally get what you mean.
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It’s encouraging to know I’m not alone in this! I’ve been known to cry at all those Kleenex commercials! Goodness!
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