How is your marriage? Are you experiencing what we call a high-high? Or a low-low? Maybe you find your marriage somewhere in between. Wherever your marriage currently lies, the best thing you can do has nothing to do with the WE of your relationship. It has everything to do with the ME of your relationship.
Tom and I are uniquely different. We approach most things from an opposite perspective. There was a season when I craved for Tom to do things my way. I believed the lie that this was what our marriage needed. Because I was so focused on this desire, I missed what God wanted most for our marriage. He wanted me to pursue being the best ME I could be and leave Tom’s growth to Him.
Isn’t that the tactic of the enemy? To get us focused on the wrong target, shooting our marriage in the foot while trying to learn to walk together? Instead I need to work on improving my step and trust God for helping my spouse work on his.
We have discovered in meeting with couples that doing this one thing is the best thing you can do for your marriage. It is the little everyday choices we make regarding our attitude, our thoughts, and our actions that help our marriage more than anything. It gets me and my desires out of the way, and allows God to have His way in both me and my husband.
What is one area you are wanting your spouse to grow and change? Do you believe God is able to finish the work He has begun without your intervention? What is one area where you feel God’s conviction in your own life? Are you listening to His instruction or trying to divert the attention from your heart to your spouse’s heart?
Consider this couple…
Robert and Joan were a couple in need of help. As we met with them it was obvious that Robert believed the lie that the trouble in their marriage stemmed from Joan. He wouldn’t consider any advice which required him to address his own heart. As mentors, our hands were tied. Did Joan have issues? Absolutely. But so did Robert. A healthy marriage requires both husband and wife to go after their own heart and allow God to have full access to their motives, their choices and their cravings. Since he wouldn’t do this, the marriage failed. It was a sad situation that broke our hearts.
If we could sit down and have an honest discussion about the current condition of your marriage, would you be willing to address the best thing to make your marriage better right now? We pray your answer is “yes” in working on the ME in your relationship. Then sit back and watch what God does!
NOTE: If addictions, abuse or adultery are a part of your current marriage struggle, or if you are unequally yoked to an unbeliever, the answer for a better marriage involves more than just your willingness to deal with your own heart. It will require more help than I can address here. We encourage you both to seek out a marriage counselor who can help you get through this adversity together. In this case it requires you to take on a WE mentality to help your spouse become a better ME.