In this season of quarantines being relaxed and then restricted again, it can become disconcerting. But let’s remember the one constant in our life…our marriage. Whatever restrictions we face, we are in this together. Hiccups and all!
Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.Ecclesiastes 4:9-10a
Let’s make the most of this time by being even more intentional to deal with conflicts as they arise. The temptation may be great to let our guard down and give in to the words we want to say in the moment. But cherishing our spouse requires a choice to do it differently.
Consider these common moments…
When your spouse misunderstood or didn’t hear what you said….
Rather than react in frustration, kindly explain what you said again.
When your spouse becomes impatient…
Ask them more about why this is bothering them.
When your spouse gets angry…
Rather than defend yourself, ask them to help you understand what upset them.
When your spouse has had a bad day…
Surprise them with something they love at the end of the day.
Recently, Tom and I had another hiccup in our communication. When we tried talking about it, all I could do was cry. I wasn’t upset with him. I was more frustrated that we were having this issue once again. Just like real hiccups; you just want them to go away! Tom patiently reminded me that this is normal in any marriage. We have to expect them, but what we do with them can vary depending on our mindset. I’m grateful we were able to resolve it, which puts us in a much better place to deal with it when it happens next time. Yep! I’m sure there will be another hiccup and the fresh water of communication will once again help us swallow our pride and get rid of them.
Don’t let these little conflicts go unresolved and build up over time. It is not good for either of you personally or for your marriage. We need to do all we can to keep our relationship healthy. There have been too many marriages we have heard of lately (over 20+) years not making it, and it breaks our heart. There is a better way. It isn’t easy, but is certainly worth it!
Thank you Debi for your realness, transparency and encouragement.
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Good post… I recommend couples to give each other weekly relationship grades, along with explaining the reason why they gave the grade, so their partner knows what they need to improve on and continue to do in the upcoming week.
AD, That’s an interesting concept, but wondering if grading your spouse isn’t a bit impersonal. I’m thinking it’s best to communicate (talk) heart-to-heart with your spouse and find out what areas in which they would love for you to improve. This is Cherishing your spouse and making their wishes and desires a priority in order to love and bless them. Same concept just different terminology. Thanks for sharing!
It could be impersonal, why I suggested it only if two people are in agreement in doing it and value feedback like me.
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