- I know which side he sleeps on when he first goes to sleep.
- I know his favorite snacks
- I know how to make him smile when he doesn’t feel like it.
- I know his story–every detail of how he came to know Jesus.
- I know his quirks that no one else notices.
- I know when he is struggling even when smiling.
- I know…
…so many more things that are for me to know alone.
It is one of the best things about being married; knowing and being known. And even better still is when you reach a place of understanding and acceptance.
I admit, in our early years I tried to change the things about Tom that I didn’t like. Habits and little idiosyncrasies that I didn’t know about him before we were married. But 42 years in and I’m seeing more now than ever that these things are what make Tom who he is. It makes him special especially to me. They are the very things I would miss about him if he were suddenly gone.
He knows me in the same way. Although I think I notice more details about him than he does about me. Once again, the editor in me notices everything–not so good when you’re reading your spouse. (See my previous post about To Cherish or Admonish?)
All this is to say, I want to love Tom for who he is, not who I want him to be. I want to be loved in the same way. No one enjoys having a spouse who points out everything that needs to change. God doesn’t even treat us this way–He is patient and understanding and brings about change perfectly in His time and in His way.
What about you? Do you struggle with little things about your spouse? Or have you come to accept them and love everything about them–the things worked out and the things still a work in progress?There is a joy to be found in marriage when we cross this line of acceptance.