Welcome to The Romantic Vineyard! What began as a ministry for our local church has turned into a means of encouragement for marriages worldwide. We pray our site will provide the help, hope and wisdom your marriage needs to glorify God for as long as you both shall live. Sign up to receive our posts by e-mail, follow us on Facebook and Twitter. We’ll provide daily Healthy Marriage Tips as reminders to be intentional in romancing your spouse.
Photo from the movie, Fireproof
Many of you have probably heard about or even seen the recent movie, Fireproof, about one man’s story to save his marriage. It is a powerful story worth seeing. It it now available on DVD, and we couldn’t recommend it more highly. In the movie the lead character, played by Kirk Cameron, realizes that his marriage is on the brink of divorce. He is challenged by his father to take part in a 40 day Love Dare Challenge. Reluctantly he agrees, and the movie tells his story. The movie is based on a book by the same name by Eric Wilson (Author), Alex Kendrick (Author), Stephen Kendrick (Author).
We would like to make this love dare challenge available to any of you who would like to participate. Below are the 40 love dare challenges. This can be done by the husband for the wife, as in the movie, or by the wife towards the husband. Either way it is sure to help your marriage grow, maybe even in areas you didn’t realize needed strengthening.
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Day 1:
Resolve to say nothing negative about your spouse today.
Ephesians 4:2 “with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,”
Day 2:
Do at least one unexpected gesture to your spouse as an act of kindness.
Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
Day 3:
Buy your spouse something that says, “I was thinking about you today.”
Romans 12:10 “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.”
Day 4:
Contact your spouse sometime during the day and ask how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.
Psalm 139: 17-18 “How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you.”
Day 5:
Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them.
Proverbs 27:14 “Whoever blesses his neighbor with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, will be counted as cursing.”
Day 6:
Choose to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation.
Proverbs 16:32 “Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.”
Day 7:
On a sheet of paper, write out positive things about your spouse. At some point during the day, pick a positive attribute from the list and thank your spouse for having the characteristic.
I Corinthians 13:7 “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
Day 8:
Share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.
Song of Solomon 8:6 “Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave.Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the Lord.”
Day 9:
Think of a way to greet your spouse today to reflect your love for them, and then do it with a smile and enthusiasm.
I Peter 5:14 “Greet one another with the kiss of love. Peace to all of you who are in Christ.”
Day 10:
Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse.
Romans 5:8 “but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Day 11:
What need does your spouse have that you could meet today? Example: Choose a gesture that says “I love you” and do it with a smile.
Ephesians 5:28 “In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”
Day 12:
Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse.
Philippians 2:4 “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
Day 13:
Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement and resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.
Mark 3:25 “And if a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand.”
Day 14:
Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse.
Ecclesiastes 9:9 “Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain life that he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun.”
Day 15:
Choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above your normal routine.
I Peter 3:7 “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”
Day 16:
Pray for three specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse’s life and in your marriage.
3 John 2 “Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul.”
Day 17:
Determine to guard your mate’s secrets and pray for them.
Proverbs 17:9 “Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends.”
Day 18:
Prepare a special dinner at home and focus this time on getting to know your spouse better.
Proverbs 3:13 “Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding,”
Day 19:
Ask God to show you where you stand with him, and ask for the strength and grace to settle your eternal destination.
I John 4:7 “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.”
Day 20:
Dare to take God at his word and trust Jesus Christ for salvation.
Romans 5:6 “For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.”
Day 21:
Make time to pray and read your bible today.
Isaiah 58:11 “And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.”
Day 22:
Choose to be committed to love even if your spouse has lost most of their interest in receiving it.
Hosea 2:20 “I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the Lord.”
Day 23:
Remove anything that is hindering your relationship, stealing your affections and turning your heart away from your spouse.
I Corinthians 13:7 “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
Day 24:
Identify every object of lust in your life and remove it.
I John 2:17 “And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.”
Day 25:
If there is anything you haven’t forgiven in your spouse, forgive it today.
2 Corinthians 2:10 “Anyone whom you forgive, I also forgive. Indeed, what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, has been for your sake in the presence of Christ…”
Day 26:
Ask for God’s forgiveness for your areas of wrongdoing, then humble yourself enough to admit them to your spouse.
Romans 2:1 “Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things.”
Day 27:
Think of one area where your spouse has told you you’re expecting too much, and tell them you’re sorry for being so hard on them about it.
Psalm 25:20 “Oh, guard my soul, and deliver me! Let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you.”
Day 28:
Purpose to do what you can to meet the greatest need in your spouse’s life right now.
I John 3:16 “By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.”
Day 29:
Before you see your spouse again today, pray for them by name and for their needs.
Ephesians 6:7 “rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man…”
Day 30:
Ask the Lord to reveal anything in your own heart that is threatening oneness with your spouse and, if appropriate, discuss it openly and seek God for unity.
John 17:11 “And I am no longer in the world, but they are in the world, and I am coming to you. Holy Father, keep them in your name, which you have given me, that they may be one, even as we are one.”
Day 31:
Commit to God and your spouse to make your marriage the top priority over every other human relationship.
Genesis 2:24 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
Day 32:
If at all possible, try to initiate sex with your spouse today (in a way that honors them).
I Corinthians 7:3 “The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.”
Day 33:
Tell your spouse that you desire to include them in your upcoming decisions, and that you need their perspective and counsel.
Ecclesiastes 4:11 “Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone?”
Day 34:
Verbally commend your spouse about a recent time when they demonstrated Christian character in a noticeable way.
I Corinthians 13:6 “[love] …it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.”
Day 35:
Find a Christian marriage mentor. Ask God to direct your decisions and discernment.
Proverbs 15:22 “Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.”
Day 36:
Commit to reading the bible every day. If your spouse is open to it, see if they will commit to reading with you.
Psalm 119:105 “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.”
Day 37:
Ask your spouse if you can begin praying together.
Matthew 18:19 “Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.”
Day 38:
Ask yourself what your spouse would want if it was obtainable, then map out a plan for meeting some (if not all) of their desires.
Psalm 37:4 “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”
Day 39:
Spend time in personal prayer, then write a letter of commitment and resolve to your spouse. Leave it in a place where your mate will find it.
I Corinthians 13:8 “Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.”
Day 40:
Write out a renewal of your vows and place them in your home.
Ruth 1:16 “But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God.”
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We watched the movie. It was a blessing to us. We want this study material for us and for our church young couple. Can we get a copy of the same?
Thank you.
Gnanasekaran, a.a.
Pastor
Living Word Missionary Church
1783 ‘I’ Block, 31st Street
Kambar colony, Anna Nagar West
Chennai 600040
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I wish I had read this last year… It really has touched me to the deep.
Although I’m not a Christian, I respect the Bible verses which inspire the 40 dares.
Have a great day.
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Altari,
Thanks for commenting on the Love Dare Challenges. They are easy, yet hard. God’s Truths always reach us in a place where no one else can. He knows us well. I pray you will benefit in surprising ways from them. Have a blessed day, and we hope you’ll visit often!
Ciao,
Debi
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Thank you for posting this, I watched the movie shortly after I had heard about it (on 19kids and counting). Although the acting lacked, and there was more religion in it then was my taste, I liked the film understanding it was a movie that I had expected to be religious even though I am not.
I wanted the daily instruction, but couldn’t bring myself to buy the book that is sold since it comes with extras that with my lack of religion or faith are useless to me.
So I thank you for writing out this list, as I write it by hand in a leather bound notebook to use.
Some I need to come up with other instructions for the day like “Dare to take God at his word and trust Jesus Christ for salvation.” Since that is rather meaningless to me.
though please no one take my comment offensively, I am not against people trusting in their lord, it is just something I was not raised with and something I don’t feel myself at all and nor does my partner.
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Shelley,
You’re welcome. We’re so glad you’ve found this page to be helpful. We appreciate your comment!
Debi
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Shelley- Placing God first in your marriage will be the single most important thing you can do to strengthen it. God provides a distinct “recipe” for a healthy, long lasting marriage. Unfortunately, society does not. Wouldn’t it be nice to have some guidelines that you both agree on. Give it a chance- I was once an atheist too. My life is much fuller now that I live with purpose.
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I would love to hear an update on your experience with the challenge.
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Hallelujah…praise the lord.ever since I saw the movie.I have searched for the 40 rules of love dare.hm,I must say reading all about it again brings joy and fufillment to me nd my household.
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We’re so glad you’ve found them. Thanks for stopping by – we hope you’ll visit often!
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Lord pls help my mariage
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We believe He hears such prayers. We agree with you and thank you for stopping by.
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I haven’t seen the movie so excuse me if I’m the only one who doesn’t know this – do they need to be done in order or just on a day that seems appropriate? Example – What if my husband and I do not have a disagreement on that day?
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Hey Gennifer,
I think they’re supposed to be done in order because some of the days build on what you did the day before. But in a case like this, I would simply think of something to do that day instead, like pray for them, or show an unexpected kindness.
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Well my Husband an I have been together
For 9 years married 7 he is a police officer
An I do find myself fighting a lonely battle
I don’t know much about church but I know
I believe in the lord an his Blessing so I
Plan to challenge my marrage with the
40 day plan in hopes it will open my heart
To the word of god an to understand
The man I love an respect an care for..
Thank u so much , Lucia
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Lucia,
Thank you for your open and honest comment. I’m praying you will find this challenge not only helpful for your marriage, but that it will draw you closer to the Lord who deeply loves and cares for you. This is why He came to live on the earth among us, to set us free from our bondage to sin. I want to encourage you to read your Bible if you have one, beginning in the book of John. You will discover some wonderful truths about who God is. If you don’t have a Bible, please let me know and we’ll make sure to send you one.
God bless you on your journey.
Debi
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Dear Lucia,
Hello, I am new to the 40 day challenge. Can you please share with me if this actually worked to save your marriage.
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Amazingly enough, I met Tom and Debi Walter while working at the Ritz Cartlon in Sarasota, Fl where they were guests.
When I first introduced myself to them, we never talked about our personal lives of course, since I was at work. Little did I know, when they were about to leave the property, I wished them the best to them with a warm farewell, and when Tom extended his business card and explained a bit about what it was about, I could not believe it. I, myself was going through a separation with my partner of 12 years for the past month. If this encounter was not a Act of God, what was it then ?
I’m so grateful to have met them, and to all of you out there, who have doubts about God’s actions in your lives, please reconsider. There are signs of his actions that you probably never noticed or maybe you did, but in any case He is here for us, to help us for whatever hardships we might go through.
He is here to guide us through the Bible. The only thing He asks in return is our Love to Him !
Frederic
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Frederic,
It was so good to chat with you for that brief time yesterday. 🙂 We are praying for you that God will draw you near to Him and shower you with the comfort only He can give. The Bible says, “He is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Keep in touch!
Bon Jour,
Tom and Debi
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i like what i have read, i am not yet married but i will give this to my husband when we get married.
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What an excellent idea – thank you for sharing!
Blessings to you, Julie.
Debi
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I randomly came across this film for the first time last night while stumbling across an inspirational web site for firefighter wives. My husband is a fire fighter and this film spoke directly to me. We are only three months into our marriage and still in our honeymoon phase. I started working through day number one today in order to establish habits of always be mindful of my love and respect for him. I’m ecstatic about further developing our love and commitment to keep each other and God priorities in our marriage.
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What a great idea to start doing the right things in your marriage from the beginning. You’re getting quite a head-start on a great future. Thanks for sharing!
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Hello my name is Angela Cowan and my husband and I Have been struggling a lot. Whenever i saw the movie firer proof i really enjoyed it so very much. I liked the 40 day challeng that was in the movie. I am going to start the 40 day challenge with my husband and i and see if it will help us in our relationship.
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Angela, We’re so glad you’re willing to invest in your marriage in this way. We pray you and your husband will see great benefits as a result. Let us know how it goes…
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Wow. This is amazing! This is the type of love that you do not see in the world today. I am very happy that your blog is promoting a deeper love, the love of God. There is no greater love. I am excited to have found this blog and I look forward to reading it and applying it to my daily life.
Highest Regards,
Diane Townsel
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Thanks, Diane. It’s so good to meet you. We pray our posts will provide encouragement to you and your marriage.
Blessings,
Debi
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Watching the film as I type this. Baring an act of God’s mercy, it is too late for my marriage as my wife left me about 6 months ago and has made it clear there can be no reconciliation for us. I know I have not been a great husband for a while. My wife suffered mentally and spiritually for a long time and I tried my best to help her through it – neither of us knew that I was also suffering with depression for a long time, and in particular the last 2 years. I retreated inside myself and missed so many opportunities to tell her how much I love her. She’s lost her faith, and her love for me. I know that God still holds us both to the covenant we made 15 years ago, but most of the 40 challenges are impossible for me to do while she won’t even talk to me.
Like the man in the film, I have been operating in the assumption that our marriage has been fine. I think we are past the point of no return, don’t want it to be, but she does.
If you are praying types, please lift us to God for his mercy.
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Andy,
We are praying, and we will continue to pray for God to work miracles in your life personally and in your marriage. What seems impossible now is not for God.
Take care,
Tom and Debi
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thank you. I know that all things are possible with God, but at the moment I don’t think there is anything I *can* do. I cannot say for certain that I still love my wife (certainly as I should), but if God allows me the chance, I wish to honour the covenant I made with Him and her, and be the man I should have been
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Andy, The important thing is that you’re posturing your heart right before God, and trusting the outcome to Him. He cares more than you may realize. Keep in touch & we’ll continue to pray. Tom
Sent from my iPhone
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Andy-
It is never too late for your marriage. Grow in God and become attractive again to your wife. He will see you through the hard times. Never give up. You don’t know the direction your marriage could turn. He works all things out for good. Pray for your wife also.
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Andy,
Did you do the love dare with your wife? My marriage is almost over and my wife has made it known that she will not fight for us anymore. Curious to see what happened with your marriage.
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i loved the movie from the first time i watched it. even though i am not married yet, it helps me to realise that marriage takes more of the grace of God that just romantic feelings when it begins. i loved the fact that you included the part about Caleb not being able to love his wife from his heart till he gave his life to Christ. that is so true. only God can keep us loving people even when we dont feel like it. keep up with the good work. marriage was God s idea and there is no better way to talk about it than from His perspective. God bless you!
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Thank you for the excellent comment, Doreen. So glad you’re thinking this way before you are married.
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enjoyed the movie and decided to try the 40days . wish me luck, and thank you for making this page. me and my husband have been married for hmmm , 23yrs and lived together 5 years before that… so i guess we are in a loveless marriage, don’t ever remember if we married for love or just for our kids! Kinda sad really just thinking about it! but all we can do is hold on to hope and faith and try all we got to make something we want work!
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Elaine,
We pray you will sense fresh grace in your relationship as you seek to love your husband in the way God intended.
Blessings,
Debi
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Elaine- Grab some books by Jimmy Evans, they will change your heart. Love is a daily choice so you are only in a “loveless marriage” if you keep it that way. You loved your children before they were born and you can do the same with each other! Create it!
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I have watched the movie 5 times and every time I see I learn something knew. Me and my husband have been married for 14 yrs. and in the beginning it was wonderful. Until the forth year of our marriage he cheated on me and had another child which is 8 yrs old know. I stayed in the marriage afterward cause I love him dearly, but I have to admit it hasn’t been easy. The child calls me momma and I love him with all my heart. But at days I feel like my husband doesn’t understand how has scared our marriage. We both love The Lord. But at times I feel that he doesn’t understand me at all we have older children and there great. It’s just me I feel empty inside and I don’t know how much longer I can stay with him . Please keep us in your prayer
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Sheila,
We pray God will comfort you as you cry out to Him for help and change in your marriage. Thank you for sharing…God gives grace to the humble.
Blessings,
Debi
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I had seen this movie last year, and loved everything about it. Over the weekend while out of town on a three day trip, my wife admitted to me she had had an affair a few months back. She broke down to me crying, stating it was the biggest mistake that she had ever committed. At this time, I have all these feelings inside of me from anger, hate, revenge, sadness, and guilt. I have extreme anger toward the individual who she was with. I have told her that I forgive her, but I am having a hard time accepting this news. I am also having feelings of guilt, as I too am a first responder, that works multiple jobs, with different shifts, that keeps me more out on the front lines, than more so being a supporting husband for my wife. I let my guard down, believing that bringing home the bacon to keep us financially stable was being a good husband. Instead, she has been alone and continued distant, which I never even realized until it was too late. The verbal arguments have been numerous, so much, that we have both threatened to seperate to initiate cool down periods. Today, it came to a head to where I went out on a drive and cried out to God asking for his forgiveness and guidance in this situation. We are scheduled to start marriage counseling this week. I have printed off the list and will start initiaiting it immediately into our daily lives. I ask for continued prayer where both my wife and I can find peace during this difficult time, and that I am able to remove my hatred and forgive my wife and the other party involved.
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Matt, We’re so sorry to hear what you’re going through, but you’re doing all the right things. The fact that your wife told you is a huge step in the right direction and so is the counseling. Your feelings are normal and will take time to process. We pray you and your wife will continue in the way of restoration of your relationship. Remember you aren’t enemies. You’re on the same team facing a common enemy who would like nothing more than to destroy your marriage. Thank you for reaching out for prayer. It is a privilege to pray for those who ask. Tom and Debi
Sent from my iPhone
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Wow:)
PTL
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My husband just left d house,leaving me and the children without looking back 4 yrs ago how is this applicable to me?
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Kemi,
We have seen God work miracles in marriages that seemed dead. Cry out to God and trust Him to lead you. We know how hard it is to wait, but our prayer is that you will sense God’s comfort.
Tom and Debi
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I don’t know what to say, but I just wanna thank yu guys, I really learnt a lot. Though I’m not yet married but it really changed my view on marriage. Finaly may God continue to bless you.
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Thank you for the post of the dares. Back in August 2012 I found out my his and was having an affair : ( one month before our one year marriage anniversary. It crushed me literally to death Inside. I felt so betrayed and hurt because of his selfish actions I chose to forgive but didn’t really “forgive”. I went through several months, and still do, of pain and hurt causes by the facts of the Incident. It has been a very long bumpy road for us. Since the truth came out we have experienced two miscarriages and during the second I went through it alone as hi
And I were separated. I have recently decided to try 100% one more time. So here goes the dares. Pray for us as I believe this is our last chance at what we both really want.
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Oh, Marissa, our heart hurts with you. We pray God will help you use these 40 dares to rekindle what’s been lost. We’ve seen God work miracles in relationships following an adulterous affair. We pray He will do so in yours.
Let us know how it’s going,
Debi
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Dear Marissa,
How did the Love Dare work for you? I am curious as my marriage is falling apart now and I am at a loss. Thank you
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Thank you for your kind words, theo. We are thrilled to hear how God is helping you see marriage from His design.
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Wat a movie reali I watched it soo many times n every time I watch it again it just tells me that god is for us n that he will bless n guide us in all we do n say …and a life without god is meaningless
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Pamla,
You are so right! Thank you for sharing your thoughts about this excellent movie!
Blessings,
Debi
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Hi! Would you mind if I share your blog with
my myspace group? There’s a lot of people that I think would really enjoy your content. Please let me know. Thanks
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Meagan,
Not at all. We want as many marriages to benefit from biblical teaching on the marriage relationship as possible. And we’re honored that you’ve chosen The Romantic Vineyard to highlight. There are so many excellent marriage bloggers doing what we do. You can find them by going to Christian Marriage Bloggers Association. Thanks Meagan. Let us know if we can help in anyway.
Blessings,
Debi
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wow…k dit neergeskruif en gaan dit doen.
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has anyone done this and it actually work, Im so scared
im going to lose my wife and im willing to do this and want to but im curious if it does work
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Alan,
We have heard of marriages being greatly affected in a positive way by the 40 day love dare. We encourage you to give it your best shot–you have nothing to lose by trying and everything to gain if it helps. We’re praying it is exactly what you need to turn your marriage around.
God bless you as you purpose to save your relationship.
Tom and Debi
P.S. Let us know how it goes.
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So far I am on day 4 and even with the fact I was cheated on and found out at day two, I decided holding anger and hatred in my heart for her was counter productive. So I decided to ultimately forgive her no strings attached for the affair. That stuff has happened again and still I choose to forgive. She has been with me and never knew what life was like outside of being a mother at a young age and like Kirk in the movie I had a issue with porn and now understand why the woman was so upset at him for it. I never realized when you look at stuff like that it has the same emotional scar and pain that having a full blown affair does. I have not given up but do wonder where my motives lie. I have been sticking to the steps and am even trying to go and keep doing each daily on top of it as a new one is added. This is hard for me since she still wants the divorce and now wants me to move out for “space”. I fear that if I do this she will continue to cheat and all of this is for naught. Any suggestions on this from anyone whether male or female who knows this feeling. I know i wasn’t attentive enough in the past emotionally to her and haven’t respected her in other ways and i am trying to make up for it but not just to appease her. I know this is something that deeply scares me that I am trying this but also that I know i may still lose her in the long run. She wants to stay friends so that’s what my goal is at the moment, but I still want to fix myself so she can see she can rely on me and trust and love me again as she used to.
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Alan,
Only God can help you discern where your “motives lie” as you said, and he will bring you to a full understanding if you’re asking Him to do so. This love dare is really more about God changing you than it is about you changing your marriage. I just read in the Bible the Scripture in Corinthians where Paul said…I planted, Apollos watered, but God caused the growth. I believe what you’re doing each day is planting seeds of faith in your relationship. Trust God to help you continue and for the ability to hear His voice speaking to your heart in the process.
Thanks for the update. We’re praying for you both.
Tom and Debi
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I am trying hard Debbie I am. Im trying not to give up I know what the dare is more for. You change your way and life and it inspires the other to trust and believe. This morning she let me do something nice for her I didnt ask I just did cause I know the area has been hurting her so I massaged it for her. She stayed like that for half and hour or so and let me. She knows I am also doing this program and trying my hardest to stick to it and mocks me for it.I keep praying for the strength to overcome this but I am ready to give in and just say forget it cause it hurts to much her doing this.
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Alan- keep at it. Make you get help for the pornography and truly give it up. This will let her know more than anything that you value her and that she is your one and only. You can even start reading “Every Man’s Battle” to help! Pray, pray, pray! Lock up all your devices with Covenant Eyes and let her get your accountability reports. You will be healed!
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need prayers for my marriage. i am on day 5.
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Kristi,
I just went to the Father and prayed that He would soften your husband’s heart as you purpose to love him through these daily challenges. I also asked that He silence the whispers of the enemy that would discredit what you’re doing. I believe God will help you continue through each day. It won’t be easy, but keep your eyes and focus on how you are glorifying God and this will fuel your motivation on days when it may not seem to be working.
Keep me updated so I can continue to pray.
Debi
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Thank you for your prayers!God will get the glory!Im on day 9 and this love dare is already working. My husband said last night for the last week ive been the woman he fell in love with.God works miracles!i will forever be changed!thank you in advance for continued prayers!
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Kristi,
What encouraging news!!! I’m continuing to pray!
Debi
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I’m so crushed for the past year I have become an alcoholic and have treated my wife so badly from pushing her away to putting her down all because of my selfishness my pride and my lack of love from my family I’ve hated my self for so long and was so blind that I did not see that I was hurting the one person that have been there for me who has loved me even if I was treating her so badly she still stood by my side up until a few days ago the said she finally had enough she says she loves me still but that she is just really mad at me she is a Christian women and takes are wedding vows vary seriously I do also I just got wrapped up in my own hate and was only focused on me and my own problems that I became a poison to my marriage I have made the decision to quit my drinking and get to the root of my problems by confronting them instead of hiding behind alcohol that will tear even the most happiest of homes apart and I’m also going to do this 40 day dare not only to show my wife I love her but to change my self also and I’m going to start reading my bible and start having a relationship with the lord and my wife. I just pray that its not to late I’ve loved this woman since 2nd grade. Remember with god all things are possible god bless you all
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Jll,
It is good that you finally realize the road on which you’ve been traveling and where it is taking you. We have seen God turn marriages around that had already ended, so it’s never too late. The key is to go after your own heart, be honest and humble in confessing to God and He will do the impossible. It all comes from Him.
The 40 Day Love Dare is a good place to start. We pray you will succeed in following the Lord with all your heart, all your soul and all your mind. He will never lead you down the wrong path.
Blessings to you in the days and weeks ahead,
Tom and Debi
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Hi, how can I do the love dare if my wife and I are seperated. We cant see each other every day as we live in 2 diffrent towns. We have decided to take it slow and go for counciling in the near future. but I want to start doing the love dare so long. To find her heart again for me and to mend things. And to have God’s blessing on our life.
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Christo,
Our encouragement to you is to pray for God to help you be creative with the love date challenges. It might be that you can do some of them from a distance if you give it a little thought. If not, then start when you are able. The most important thing is that you both go for counseling to get your marriage back where it needs to be. We pray God leads you every step of the way.
Blessings,
Tom and Debi
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I’m over half way with the love dare. My husband and I are getting closer everyday with the help of God!
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How wonderful!! We love to hear how couples are doing in the process. Thank you!
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I have been married for 20 yrs on Aug.6th, 2013. On Aug. 2nd my husband left me for another woman & is living with her & her family now. I took the love dare a few yrs ago & my husband & I did watch the movie. I am grieving my husband greatly. I do not know how to handle this or why I am posting this. This site & verses are very helpful now. Recently I gave my husband my love dare book with all my notes & prayers. Now I want it back. I gave it to him with hopes he wld read & come back home but he hasn’t come home. Plz pray he comes home. I miss my husband!!
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Tammy,
We’re so sorry to hear of your husband leaving. We can only imagine the pain, hurt and loneliness you are experiencing. God has promised to be near to the broken hearted and save those who are crushed in Spirit. Run to Him for deep and lasting comfort. He alone is able to meet every need and relieve every heartache. And He will never leave you! May God’s Word provide rich reminders of God’s faithfulness. We’re praying for you both!
Tom and Debi
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Hi thank you for posting this. I asked my parents to take this dare. Please pray for them too. 🙂 I believe this is one powerful method to restore happy relationships and families.
What God starts, no man can tear apart.
Btw, I was just wondering if I could apply this also to the guy who’s courting me right now. We’re really praying for God’s leading in our relationship. However, of course, we’d cross out day 32 since that only applies to married people and is not applicable to us. But the rest we think is applicabl e like serving the other person, considering him, respect, etc. We made a courtship commitment/vow to God in light of the Christian books we’ve read – when God writes your love story, I kissed dating goodbye and boy meets girl. These three are by eric and leslie ludy and joshua harris. We’d really like to make a stand and show the rest of the world how courtship should really be – pure, God-centered, unconditional, praying earnestly, waiting on the Lord, and most importantly leading each other closer to our Saviour. Please pray for us as we undertake this challenge as indivuals pursuing God’s will in our lives. Thank you! God bless!
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Angela,
How wonderful that you are not only praying for God to work miracles
In your parent’s marriage, but that you are also seeking to make the most of your relationships for God’s glory. We pray that you’ll hear God’s voice giving you direction and peace every step during your courtship.
Our kids read and loved Josh Harris’ books.
Blessings,
Debi
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Thank you very much Debi 🙂 I will also pray for you and your family! Will keep you posted! God bless you!
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Dear Lord,
Please BLESS my marriage. We need to spend time alone with kids, family or friends. We have been through alot over the 20 years of marriage even a divorce. I want to get re-married he does not yet we both live together. Help him clear his eyes from evil, temptation, women, co-workers, negativity, etc. make him see that I am the only women for him. He loves me but doesnt say it frequently. Lead him into my arms I am waiting patiencly. Bring our heart together as one. AMEN
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MR,
We agree with you in prayer. May The Lord glorify Himself in your life and marriage.
Tom and Debi
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I want to share this with my brother and his wife. Your thoughts? Do I share with both letting them choose or …? Can couple practice love dare simultaneously? Is it more important for one person to practice toward the other?
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Maureen,
That’s a really good question. I don’t know if it would work for both to do it simultaneously. I would suggest you give it to one or the other. Pray and ask God to direct you, He knows best. And let us know how it goes.
Blessings,
Debi
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Hi i just watch the movie and it really touched me cuz i am in the same situation where my wife is asking for divorce cuz of my outside behavior. you may guess yes i am desperate but i know its gonna take time and i really want to try to make this work even thou i have a weakness. any suggesstion
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Christ is the only remedy for our weakness and sins. If you’re desperate run to Him! He knows exactly what you need and will help you like no one else can.
Blessings,
Tom
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Thanks Tom hope you pray for me
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Thank you so much for this blessing movie.i m not yet married but i hope and pray to do the 40 dares to my spouse one day.to God be the glory.
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“a woman like a rose’ if you treat her right she’ll bloom if you don’t she’ll wilt” a great and encouraging christian movie
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i watched the movie for the second time yesterday. im so blessed. 01/02/2014 wil be my Day 1 of the 40days dares!
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………
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This is one of my all time favorite movies and its been on my mind recently. 6 months ago I left my loved one bc i was being selfish, I I ran away from my problems instead of dealing with them. I didn’t turn to God like I should have about it. I ran away. But I finally realized I made the biggest mistake ever. And I really hurt this guy. He doesn’t want to give me another chance now. But ive turned it to Gods hands. Im praying for another chance to fix the mistake ive made. And if he’s willing to give me another chance im wanting to do the love dare on him! Please pray for me! Thank you.
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Jenn,
It’s so hard to look back with regret over mistakes we’ve made. But oftentimes this is the place where God’s mercy meets us and changes our perspective. We pray God uses this in your life and gives you another chance.
Tom & Debi
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I watched the movie yesterday. Loved it. I’m separated from my husband for 2,5 mounts, it was his decision. He announced to me at new years eve party. I never expected that he will leave me and my kids. I still love him and it is very difficult to accept it. I pray every day and please god to help him.
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Ewa,
We’re sad to hear of your husband’s decision to leave you and your children. But we have seen God work miracles in such marriages. Continue to pray to God for guidance and wisdom. He promises to be near the broken-hearted and to save those who are crushed in spirit.
Debi
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Thank you Debi. My husband moved out yesterday. I’m so devastated I don’t know how to live without him. He was love of my life.I was writing to him how much I love him and he called my friends to tell them to let me know that he does’t like that I was writing to him. Nothing will change his decision. He does’t want to be with me. I don’t understand how can he just live us after 23 years of marriage without trying to get help if he wasn’t happy. Why he dosn’t want to get help for his kids who are suffering a lot.
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Ewa,
We’re so saddened to hear of your husband’s decision to leave your marriage. May God comfort your broken heart and help you help your children. Run to Christ who alone knows what it’s like to face such rejection. He will never fail you!
Debi
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Our marriage has been faced with many challenges. I really want the Lord’s help. I feel so helpless and sometimes think about giving up. I am willing to follow God’s plan and lead as He builds our marriage.
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Reean,
What seems impossible to us, isn’t for God. He will give you the strength to do the impossible, but He wants us to cry out to Him. I encourage you to write out your requests to The Lord and pray the list daily, always listening for specific directions He would give. He is good and promises to walk with us through the storms.
Thank you for takin the time to comment. We are praying for you and your marriage.
Blessings,
Debi
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God richly bless you for inspiring me
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Why thank you, Nti! Your comment encourages us!
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I’m watching this movie as I speak. I know God works in many ways and this just what I need. I thought I wouldn’t be able to get every days challenge from the movie but again my God came through and showed me this link. I thank God for this movie and all who’s involved.
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Bridget,
We love this movie too! We pray the Love Dare turns out to be a true blessing to your marriage.
Blessings,
Debi
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8 years of marriage and 4 kids. We are both starting the challenge tomorrow. Wish us luck.
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What a beautiful inspiring movie, we will be married 💑 31 years this year God willing and so blessed, praying 🙏 for our three beautiful daughters that they too will have marriages like ours built upon the Rock our Lord Jesus Godbless
Wilfred and Penny Williams SA
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Wilfred,
Congratulations! That’s the best gift you can give your children besides faith in Christ. Well done! We agree with you in prayer for godly marriages for your girls that glorify Christ.
Happy Easter!
Tom and Debi
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I’ve seen the movie and at the time my husband was battling drug addiction and treated me very badly. We were always fighting and he was always cheating always dealing with lust. I was certain we wouldn’t last. And when I put this movie on it was right on point with every emotion and anger we felt. Me and my husband have been together for 21year now with 7 kids and I have to tell you he did some major improvement change his life around. Stop the use of drugs and alcohol became a working man a provider to his family. No longer running the streets. I have to say I very proud of him for that change. But as time went by and he met people on the job he started to change and I notice his emotion for me are not the same. I could tell he was unfaithful again. My husband had a porn addiction and though he change in other areas the lustful part has never left him even when he tried and so the trust is gone and I question if I should continue In a relationship where I can’t trust him anymore. I’m living in torment. When I step out to work and he’s home I fear he’s home with another woman or when he’s at work alone I fear he’s cheating on me again at the office. I’ve pray many years on this same matter and the devil has temp me on occasion to rebel but I yield to the fear of God. I try to do this 40 day thing but when I start it up I forget to continue and when I read the part where it said tell spouse to pray and read bible with you I get discourage cause I attempted that and he doesn’t have any interest on reading or praying with me. He saids he’s a Christian and he saids he believes he listen to Christian music and goes to church every other time but I still see lust being an issue in his life. I even suspect he has had children outside our marriage. I don’t know if I should continue in this relationship I need guidance and direction it’s been too much time invested and I feel my health getting affected. Please pray for our marriage and our kids.
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Lis,
We stopped right this minute and prayed for you, your husband and your marriage. We can’t advise you about what you should do, but we can point you in the right direction.
First: Do you have a local church family? If not, we strongly encourage you to find one where you can develop a network of friends who will love and support you through this time.
Second: Realize that it isn’t your responsibility to change your husband. Only God can change him, and He is able. Continue praying to God on your husband’s behalf being specific in your requests.
Third: Pursue God for your own life. While you can’t change your husband, you can pursue your own growth in your relationship with Him. He will comfort you like no one else can, and He will give you the strength to do what He wants whether that’s staying or leaving. He knows, and He wants to walk with you and carry you through this.
We’re grateful you took the time to ask for help. God give grace to the humble, and you being willing to ask for help is a sign of humility. I pray in this moment you sense God’s nearness and comfort.
Debi
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Thank you for your time and prayer. I’m so appreciative that you took the time to quickly reply. I have a church we recently started going to last month every Sunday. But when things came up (his moms birthday or laundry) we began to fade. Next Sunday we will go, we would say… until we went no more. Now, I’ll ask him shall we go today and he always comes up with an excuse not to go, and since I’m soo in mistrust, I too stay because of fear of him doing wrong in the home. I agree with everything you said. But I’m so stuck in this mind frame full of fear I don’t know how to break free from it. I try with prayer but the fear over takes me.
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Oh Lis,
I know how difficult it is when fear has a grip on your heart, and for valid reasons. These are the times when God’s Word instructs us on how we’re to fight back. “God has not given us a spirit of fear” is a good verse to stand on. “Perfect love casts out fear,” is another.
We must remember that we cannot be the Holy Spirit to our spouse. It is God’s job to convict. Our job is to trust Him, cry out to Him and do what He says. To choose to stay home from church out of fear for what your husband may do while you’re gone isn’t going to change his heart if he has purposed to cheat anyway. But being faithful to do what you know to do to strengthen your reliance on God will do more than anything else to help the situation. I know from experience that this isn’t easy, but God is in the business of giving us strength in our weakness.
I hope this helps!
Debi
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Thank you so much for your words of wisdom, I know that they are right. I can tell you are faithful to The Lord. God bless you for that and for what you’re doing to help other with your words of love. You have been a help an encouragement to me on this day. Thank you so much.
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You’re welcome.
Blessings to you and your marriage,
Debi
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My husband left our house 16 months ago, he lives nearby in an appartment now. He rarely asks for or sees our children (8 yrs and 2 yrs) and 6 weeks ago he decided that he wants us to divorce.
On May 22th 2014 we will have an intake with a mediator to manage everything around the divorce. I told my husband in a lot of ways that I don’t believe that a divorce is an option, but he doesn’t want to listen to it.
There doesn’t seem to be any opening anymore for us to come back together, my husband has several own companies, loves the attention that comes with it, and doesn’t really seem to live with the Lord.
I still have hope and I want to trust my heavenly Father. I know that not one situation is too difficult for Him. But it is so tough, so very tough, to see the hardness in my husbands heart and eyes.
I see every day more where I made mistakes in our marriage and I told him so in a letter, but he didn’t take it for real and said that he ‘juist doesn’t believe in our relationship anymore’.
Please, will you pray for our marriage and for our children who suffer quite a lot of this situation. But, more important (that’s what I’m starting to learn), will you pray for my husbands heart, that it will soften and that he will find back God and that he will see that it is not about our life here and now but about eternity.
I am learning to love my husband in a new way although I seldom see him. God is so gracious.
Thank you for praying with me and I hope I will recognize you in heaven so I can hug you:)
Lisette
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Dear Lisette,
There really are no words to say to comfort you on such a deep level. But God is able to reach the depths of such devastating disappointment. I’m so glad that He is the place your heart is running to for help.
I’m praying God will lead you every step of the way on this unexpected road of divorce. And I’m praying for a miracle in your husband’s heart.
With much love,
Debi
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Debi thank you so much, my husband and I were bestfriends,and loved everything about each other but some how at some point in the year and a half we have been married we have completely fallen apart its like we do not know each other anymore .im planning of started the 40 day challenge tommorow. Ive read many of the stories on here and have done nothing but cry and cry and hope all these storys had a happy ending and that God blessed them with there relationship and that he will hopefully bless me too thank you so much.
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Lala,
We pray your husband will notice your efforts and respond.
Blessings,
Debi
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I got divorced a month prior to the release of Fireproof, even though my ex husband was already deeply involved with another woman I believe we could have saved our 10 year marriage, but it was not meant to be and I have piece in my heart now. I’m getting married after 5 years being single and decided to give the love dare book to my husband on our wedding day. This time I’m marrying some who loves God just as much as I do, this is a miracle from God.
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Vicky,
Wow, your story is heartbreaking and hope-building at the same time. We pray your new marriage will be blessed by God who loves you and who was, is, and will be involved in every detail of your story–the good parts and the sad parts.
Giving the book as a Wedding gift is a great idea!
Thank you for sharing your story with us,
Tom and Debi
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I am starting the Love Dare challenge right now.. Please say a prayer for me and my wife.
God Knows..
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Stephen,
Praying that God will use this tool to help you express your love to your wife in a genuine and heartfelt way. It’s a good step in the right direction.
Blessings,
Tom and Debi
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Is this could work, i mean, my wife and i make a decision to divorce, but we can do it until 6 month, she is agnostic almost atheist, and im Theist (believe in something greater like but not in religions in general)… we aren’t fighting we don’t hate each other, but we aren’t able to be “in love”… she told me that she love me as “i care about you” because i helped her a lot in her life(like a friend) and i will after divorce and she will help me too… the problem is, we get to this oral agreement that we are not going to trie to fix what is done, we read a lot, in websites, and yeah we are done… and she is ver smart and perceptive… the thing is… i really wanted to grow old with her, not grow apart, and im willing to change, but she don’t want to change, there are few things that are the way she is, that is the oposite of me, and she isn’t willing to get a medium because i was a mess before and now, she don’t want any mess in her life even if i changed a lot but im not perfect as she wants…. also i think she feels miserable, maybe is this whole realize that our 2 years marriage ( 6 years of knowing each other) is a failure… i don’t know if this can help me… and i don’t know if by trying this, im gonna make her mad… we are suppose to do thing this way, not to become enemies ….. what should i do :,(
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I wish i saw this book or movie before 3 july 2013 i wouldn’t have a broken home but i am hoping to fix it because i have faith and believes there is nothing Impossible. That movie thought me lots of things i never knew. But i believe God will heal any broken bones and restore me. Him who made me see many calamity from the depth of the earth he will Revive me. I thought of printing this 40 pages one day per page and send it to my separated Spouse i Believe it will go a long way in resolving our difference. I have faith which is the substance of things hope for and the evidence of things no seen. God bless the writer of this book.
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Still Praying for my wife,
Please continue to pray for me and my wife. I am still praying and Believing God will touch we Heart. I love this woman with y whole Heart, she is truly the whole package. I ask that when you pray Believe with me that the Holy Spirit will move on her and she will come back to The Lord. A lot of this was my fault I acted like a child and Annoyed my wife to the arms of another Man.. Please please pray for our marriage, and that he will fall in Love with me in a whole new way in Christ.
I am Believing for complete restoration in the name of Jesus..
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Stephen,
We do pray that God will bring about complete restoration to your marriage. The best you can do as you wait is to seek The Lord as to what areas in your life need the most attention, and to cultivate a deeper relationship with Him. He is faithful and will fill your lonely days with peace and even joy. He loves to comfort the broken hearted.
Blessings,
Tom and Debi
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I am so thankful for the response. My wife is Mad at God. I am currently on day 11 of the love Dare. It has allowed me to view my wife in a more Clear way.
She always lived for The Lord, she just needs the great Shepard, I am kinda gla all this has happen I have become Humble and on Fire for God.. Although I have lost 44 pounds in 2 months.
Thankfully she wants to work it out, he says she loves me, just not in Love with me.. I am praying The Lord will touch her life , Love is a choice..
God Bless
Please keep Praying!!
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Does this work if your spouse wants a trial separation?
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Chris,
It’s definitely worth a try. If you’ve seen the movie their marriage was pretty much over, but God worked a miracle in both of them. It’s never too late.
We pray your marriage will grow stronger.
Blessings
Tom and Debi
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Well, she’s moving out in a couple weeks. Going on a six month trial separation. My heart hurts so bad.
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We’re so sorry to hear that Chris. Never forget the two words that mean the most when facing such dire circumstances–But God. He loves to do the impossible, so we ask, we pray and most of all we work on our own heart while we wait.
Tom and Debi
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I really love the movie. This was the second time I watch it alone .
It is a testament to what God can do in a marriage. I want to try the 40 day challenge on my husband.
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I watched the movie again and now that I am having problems in my marriage I will follow it to help my marriage be strong again. My wife has become bored in our marriage and is on the internet talking to strange men and I do not know what I can do to stop her aside from divorcing her. I do not want a divorce as I still love my wife but what else can I do?
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I will do the 40 days and if it does not work then after the 1st of the year I am going to tell her if the electronics do not go and if she truly is not in love with me { I figure if she really loves me she will get rid of them} then I will tell her I am moving on. I would appreciate any responses Thank you
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Don, we wouldn’t suggest that you enter the challenge with a “you change or else” attitude. This only encourages a defensive response, which you dont want. Instead, ask God to help you look for ways to change as you do the challenge to win your wife’s heart again. You cant change her–only God can. But you can change yourself as you humble yourself before God in desperation. We pray God works a miracle in your marriage. This isn’t an easy thing to do, but it’s worth the effort.
Tom and Debi
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I believe watching this movie each year on one’s anniversary could only improve all marriages. I came to your website after googling to find a list of the things he was challenged to try before saying his marriage was over. I intend to make a list for myself and to challenge my son before he makes that final decision. He has been married for 16 years, has 3 beautiful children, a beautiful christian wife, great job and nice home. They have drifted apart due to his work taking him away from home for the past few years and I pray this will help start them on the road back into each other’s heart & arms. Keep them in your prayers.
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Sherrel,
What a great idea to help your son before it’s too late. So many couples today think because they drift apart that it’s over. But it doesn’t have to be. It takes hard work–yes! But the fruit that comes after is so worth it. I pray your son will listen and give it a try.
Thanks for sharing.
Debi
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I am about to start the 40 days. I need some help though. I am figuring out my faith now, and I’m not sure what some of the dares are asking me to do. I’m not sure where my wife’s heart lies right now, but I will not give up on her or us. Any suggestions would be great! Thanks.
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Hi Debi walter I am gonna start the 40 day love dare challenge starting DEC 02 2014 hope for the best n would love to chat with u plis when u can by email I left it there I need help I want to save my marriage thanks a lot for this amazing site and movie 🙂 !!!
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even though I cheated on him he seeing somebody else do you think by doing the 40 day the challenge and I’m going to start church do you think my marriage well get back together
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Erica,
Its definitely a start. Whenever cheating occurs in a marriage it takes time to rebuild trust and the 40 day challenge is a good place to start. But tge most important aspect is getting your own life right with God. He can do the impossible. I’m praying for a miracle.
Blessings,
Debi
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I am going through a really tough situation. My wife and I have been fighting ruthlessly over the past few weeks. I suppose it is bound to happen, she is very obstinate and I have anger issues. On Christmas she told me that she doesn’t believe we can work anymore. Sure, my wife and I argue a lot but i don’t want to lose her. I am very deeply in love with her even though I have not been doing a great job at showing it. I do have trust problems from things my wife has done to me in the past. I want to trust her again but it is hard because she continues to do the same things. I am on day 5 of the challenge and it just seems to be getting harder emotionally. I want to fix our marriage. My wife however, keeps making me feel like she is rooting for failure. I pray every night for strength, and my wife. God has already helped me find resolve with problems I did not even realize were problems until yesterday. Sometimes I wish God would decend from heaven and hug me. I am a person who has many acquaintances but no real friends to talk to which is making this a little tougher than it already is. I enjoy my talks with God, but sometimes I wish I had verbal feedback. I’m sorry if this seems a little scrambled. I will appreciate any feedback you could give me. Even if all you say is that you believe I can do this. Thank you for taking the time to read this and I will pray that God may bless you with a wonderful and safe holiday season.
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Michael,
Our hearts and prayers go out to you this morning. Such a difficult place to be, but you are not alone! God is with you and hears every desperate cry you make.
Its normal for things to get worse as you are doing the challenge, so dont let this discourage you in your efforts to save your marriage. Trust is a difficult thing to regain once its broken. Your wife needs to be convinced that yoy are setious about the changes needed. Our encouragement to you is to find a local church ( if you dont already have one) and seek out biblical counsel from the pastors there. God knows all the situations you’re facing and all the things that have made you who you are today. But you can change. You can do this! Be humble, afmit your failures and sins towards your wife and God, and watch the grace He ours out on you for good. He draws near to the humble, and this comment is an indicator that you are humbling yourself and realizing your need of God. He loves it when we seek Him with our whole hearts. We have a worship song that we want to share with you to help you today to find the help and hope you need. Its by draeing near to the only One who can restore your marriage. God bless your efforts, Michael. And may the New Year be blessed. http://youtu.be/a_tdG9yM93A
Tom and Debi
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Thank you for your support and prayers Debi. I will continue to seek him and carry out his will. I will strive to be a better husband, person, and follower of God. I also want to thank you for sharing the song with me. It really moved me to tears listening. I’m going to devote my whole heart to saving my marriage and trusting His guidance. I will stop by again in a couple weeks and share my progress. Thank you again and I hope 2015 is a blessed year for you.
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Michael,
We can’t wait to hear how its going. We’ll be praying for you and your marriage.
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For everything there’s a season and if you believe that God is a man of his word and you trust in him completely there is nothing he can’t resolve. God is our strength in times of hardship in times of loneliness in everything. Continue forward without worrying, God is in control. Gods word never returns void. What I did in times of loneliness was sing to jesus hug the bible while I cried and prayed. It made me feel renewed. Listen to this song to be reminded that Gods love never fails. It’s by Jesus culture ” your love never fails” also Jason castro ” only a mountain” and unspoken ” lift my life up” all the best to you. God bless.
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I am on day 9 and it feels like my marriage has been completely rejuvenated. I can proudly say that my whole marriage has completely turned around. My wife has found new love in me and divorce is off the table. I will continue with my challenge and create a new love between us. Thank you for your prayers. 🙂
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Michael, Praise God! We are excited to hear how He is restoring your marriage. We rejoice with you!! Never stop growing in God and pursuing each other. Your relationship is a gift to be cherished.
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This is for us.
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I am not married but I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 5 years. We were hoping to get married soon but I recently found out about a secret he had been hiding from me for almost a year. I don’t want to give up; I don’t think that is what God is calling me to do. But I don’t know the answers on how to solve this issue, which is why I stumbled upon this page. Is it possible, do you think, that this could work for me even though I am not married to him? If not, does anyone have any suggestions on how to salvage this broken relationship?
Many blessings to all of you who stumble upon this page. May The Lord restore your broken hearts and may you find tranquility through this storm.
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Michelle,
Wow, 5 years invested into this relationship only to discover the past year has been full of deception and secrets? My objective advice to you would be to call it off and get on with your life. I don’t know any other details, but a relationship that starts on a foundation of deceit is fraught with red flags. It seems to me if he was interested in marrying you it would have taken place already. Since I don’t know you personally, you may not agree with my gut reaction, but marriage is a life-long relationship built on trust. If that trust has been broken before any commitment is made, what makes you believe it will be better after marriage?
As for your question about doing the 40 Day Love Dare, I don’t know that it would work for a non-married couple. I have never read through them thinking of them for a dating relationship. That would be up to you.
I pray that God will help you make the wise decision, not necessarily the easy decision. It’s much better to be a lonely single, than a lonely wife–the former you have the ability to fix. The latter is dependent on your spouse as well as yourself.
Let us know how it goes,
Debi
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I have tried this and I think that it is essential that one realize that the other spouse must still have some feelings left. My husband chose instead to rebuff my every move. I’ve done this for 80 days so two consecutive rounds of this. I have also tried marriage counseling on an off throughout our 17 year marriage. I am now contemplating my options with my marriage. I am glad I tried, however. I am comforted that I truly tried everything. Our biggest marriage hurdle is actually faith. We are both Catholic but he has fallen away from the church and from God. I do believe that had I chosen better or tried this earlier, this would have worked. The other issue in my marriage is respect and love. My husband treats me with contempt, not love or respect at this point in our marriage.
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So sad to hear this, Anonymous. But knowing you’ve tried it all allows you to be at peace.
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To whom this may concern
I am starting this challenge on Monday
In hopes that my marriage get stronger and better.
My husband had been very rude and listens frequent to what I have to say.
I feel as if whenever I talk with him, that my words goes in one ear out the other one. I also feel that he has stepped out of our marriage and that he lies to me.
We used to be very close, and couldn’t breath without one another.
Now its like i can’t wait to get away from him.
I will try the 40 day challenge as counseling never worked for us, I will give it a go one last chance. For the sake of our children and my love for him that he truly realizes that I’ve been dedicated to only him.
Please pray for me and my family that the challenge works.
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Our hearts and prayers are with you as you begin this challenge.
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My husband told me last night that he doesn’t think our marriage is very good and he feels like he would leave the next time we have a big argument. It cut me to the core, but has opened my eyes to the fact that I have not been a good wife to him. I grumble and complain under my breath when am angry with him, and our kids pick up on this and disrespect him too. I prayed all night long, and this morning fireproof came to my mind. I searched and found your site. I hope and pray that I still have time to fix what I have done wrong. Please pray for us and our marriage. I am desperate to make amends.
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We will pray for God to help you. Lasting change begins in your own heart, for its the only heart you can control. Leave your husband’s heart and response to God, the One who works miracles. He alone can redeem what your marriage has become and make it beautiful.
Blessings,
Debi
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I hope and pray that I still have time to fix what I have done wrong. Please pray for us and our marriage. I am desperate to make amends. I am on day 3 and it feels like my marriage. My husband is adultery and I have been fighting ruthlessly over the past 10 years
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We pray you will see God’s hand at work as you take this challenge. He sees and knows what is needed to restore your marriage, and we pray you will realize His love for you and your husband more now than ever.
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I saw only part of the movie at Christmas time and have been thinking about it ever since. I wish I had seen the movie in its entirety. My husband of 33 years and I have been at odds…it seems over every thing lately. he was injured in a construction accident and is limited in what he can physically do and we both gets frustrated at his limitation. I really love this man and want things to work out…..I know that I need to be more giving and sensitive to his needs. I print this out and starting today….giving it my best shot. Thank you for making and posting this!
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DP, What a difficult season facing such a loss to your normal routine. But God uses our hardships to draw us closer to Him and each other if we seek Him in the trouble. I’m praying these 40 challenges will help your marriage in ways you didn’t know it needed. And we encourage you to get plugged into a local church (if you aren’t already) where you can be surrounded by those who will care for you and help you in tangible ways. We need each other to grow in faith and trust I. God.
Let us know how it goes!
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Thank God 4 my pastor who brought d movie to us on a family weekend in church, I was really blessed and my faith lifted knowing that my home and marriage can b healed. I couldn’t buy d hard copy but since then I neva gave up d search for d softcopy till I got it today. Tnk 4 making public and God bless you 4 making urself’s available 4 him to use.
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Paul, it’s wonderful to see how specifically the Lord cares for those who are His. May your marriage grow strong in the strength and grace that He provides. Blessings,
Tom and Debi
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I’m going to give it my all. Because she is what keeps me whole.
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I’m in need of some huge prayers. Just entered our third year of marriage and I’m ready to give up. I can’t take the pain that’s being inflicted by someone who unknowingly is doing this but doesn’t see it or hear it when I try to talk to him. We have tempted by everything and given into some but holding out on others which causes the rift. I need that temptation to be lifted from my marriage and to never knock on my door again. If it leaves…. I will do everything I need to, to ensure the security and happiness of my marriage, life, and family. PLEASE pray that God guide us thru this trying time and see us out safely. Thank you.
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Amy, God hears us when we cry out to Him in desperate need…
Father,
I lift Amy and her marriage to You. You already know every detail of her life and the things that she is specifically in need of. Reassure her of your nearness and most importantly of Your grace to help in our time of need. Remind her of Your love and then help her love her husband in the way You have loved her. Give her patience when she wants to run. Give her faith when she wants to doubt. Give her peace when all around her is in turmoil. And give her wisdom that is beyond her own ability. I pray that their marriage will become a testimony of what You can do in desperate marriages.
In Jesus precious name,
Amen!
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Any tips for someone in a long-distance marriage for the past 2years.? We have not lived together at all except 20 odd days here n there.I will be joining him soon.But I wish he was more affectionate n loving as he was when we were falling in love.He doesn’t call much,is busy in his own life.It really hurts at times.I am not a Christian, but I keep praying for my marriage.I really want it work and see happy times.Any advice would be helpful.
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Hi guys. I have been going through a difficult time in my marriage. My husband did not grow up in a loving family, and though he believes, he does not express his religion or christianity. I think its hard for him to even to give and accept love at times. He also suffers from depression which is well controlled, but once a year, around May (his brother passed away in May), he becomes very depressed and acts out in anger. It has reached a point where I cannot deal with this anymore. The way he treats me during such an episode is very hurtfull and discouraging. We have been married for almost 18 years. Today on my way to work, the only thing I could think of was the Fireproof movie. We watched it a few years ago, and I remember how touched he was after seeing it. I believe it was Gods way of speaking to me, and I had to search the internet for the love dare challenge. I am starting today, and ask that you please keep us in your prayers. I do believe God can do miracles
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Janine, Yes! God can do miracles and your marriage is worth it. As hard as it is right now in your relationship, we encourage you to not give into the lie that it would be better to leave. 18 years is a huge investment in your relationship. We pray earnestly that God will show Himself to be the Healer of your marriage and that a year from now you’ll both be giving Him glory for what He has done. He is right there with you in the disappointment and heartache. Christ endured much more for your salvation, know that He doesn’t look away when you’re suffering by He sympathizes with our weaknesses and broken dreams. He is interceding for you right this minute–let that encourage you that His Spirit is leading you to the help you need.
Let us know how it goes!
Debi
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Me and my wife have been separated for almost 5 years. During that time I was caught in the ways of adultery. I had children with her and another woman. I even lived with that other woman for 2 years. During all this my love for my wife never ceased. I was just afraid of going back and making that leap. Recently 3 weeks ago I left the other woman to pursue my marriage after feeling an unbearable guilt for the last year. Everything was going okay until one day she decided to go on a date with another man. Even though I had committed so much sin and so many wrongs towards her, I still became upset. I continued to try and about 2 weeks ago I was giving her a massage and talking when she suddenly pulled away and stated that she wanted a normal separation. I begged her to give me another chance knowing I have had too many already. She finally stated she wanted to finalize our divorce. Three days later I saw her with another man at our house and I was driving to where I am currently staying. Today I received counsel and prayer from a pastor at my church. I confessed all my wrongs and sins and asked for guidance. He prayed with me and told me the enemy would attack me and my family in great ways since I am repenting and seeking God. This could have not been more true as that same man was there as I dropped off my kids a little early because I had work. I kept my composure and shook his hand then asked my wife to come out front with my kids where I held her hand and hugged my children and prayed for us. I feel like there is hope for my heart says there is but she says she has moved on. I am going to trying to challenge and fully devote my self to it and the Lord. I pray that I can restore her love and faith in our marriage before she finalizes the papers. I ask for prayer from anyone reading this so that I may restore the commitment we made before God and lead my family as a man of God. Thank you.
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Asoliz,
It is difficult to trust God when facing such hardship. We pray the 40 Day Love Dare will be a tool God uses to help you express your heart to your wife. Thanks for sharing,
Tom and Debi
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Thanks I wish I know all this 21years ago.but the next time around I’ll be prepared I’ll sure use God’s tool and your s to fire proof my marriage 💑.
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Thanks, Dianne. This is why we do what we do, to provide help, hope and encouragement to marriages in all stages. Blessings,
Debi
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My husband and I have a closeness that has always made me believe that nothing could harm our marriage. We have seen each other through the worst of illness, financial hardships, others trying to cause problems etc… Nothing has harmed our marriage or our love until about six months ago. My husband decided that he had come up with a way to make money. Needless to say, it’s bad! I have watched the man I adore turn into someone I don’t know and am honestly frightened by who he now is. Each day he promises that it is going to be the last time, but he continues on. His word no longer means anything to him. He breaks promises and lies to me daily. I’m actually afraid that he is going to get me into a situation that I won’t be able to get away from! Four months ago, my health turned from the stress of it all. When he came home that day and saw what was happening to me, he held me in his arms while he cried, prayed and promised God that he was done with that garbage. I guess his word to God isn’t even important to him anymore! I just got out of the hospital yesterday. I had emergency surgery. My husband stayed with me for about 20 minutes after I was taken to my room following the surgery and then he just disappeared. When it was time for me to be released, I called him. He said he was 5 minutes away. Actually, he fell asleep and didn’t come get me for another 3 hours.
I’m at my wits end! I don’t want to leave my husband, but I don’t know this man that I am married to anymore. The constant lying and broken promises are destroying any faith that I ever had in him and our marriage. He says that he will go to counseling, but has made no effort to bring that to fruition!
I just watched Fireproof, by myself. I asked him to watch with me because the couple was so much like we now are. The only real difference is that when my husband is screaming at me, he is using the foulest language there is and I would never betray my marriage by becoming emotionally involved with another man. I’m going to try fireproofing our marriage and I will pray every day that I am going to get the man I married back! Please, please pray for us!!!
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Oh Sabrina, we will pray for you. Know that God hears every cry you pray to Him in secret. He will help you do what you can to help your husband through this difficult season. Pursue counsel with or without your husband so you don’t walk this road feeling alone. I hope you’re in a good, Bible based church where you can have the support you need while waiting for the miracle your marriage needs. Let us know how the 40 Day Love Dare goes.
Blessings,
Debi
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I was in a relationship for 14 yrs with a man I thought loved me…we met young I was 23 he was 18 so I guess we grew up together at first we were in I guess puppy love his family didnt care for him nd alwsys felt he was a burden, his father an alcoholic who referred to his wife as Stupid all the time…Through the yrs I watched our relationship become of wat I winessd was his parents the abuse was physical, emotional nd psychological so much so that my life value was none…Tens yrs into our relationship I finally started building my relationship with God ironically I built up the courage to leave him, but becuz I was transformed into a child of God nd wanted to forgive him I ended up lettin him manipulate me to let him move bak in, the abuse Just got worse. I finally with Gods help left him nd my got my Life bak nd Mam with God again…im gona b 44 this month I had given up on love but didnt wana b alone…last yr in March I signed up to a dating site, I was completely didcoursged on todays sacredness of Love..mostly its lust nd betrayal….I prayed to told god let it b ur will nd No longer mine one the day I decided to delete my ptofile I read the profile of a guy nd liked his attitude nd how he expressed himself bout God, I messaged him….nd left it at that…he xeleted his profile nd I thought id never hear from him…But when Gods workin it just comes to light…I had left him my cell on my last message to him…Well he called we went on two dates but on out first date I knew nd felt he was Gods gift to me, he says he felt the same…Weve been together for 1 yr 2 months nd alot of these things we do before I came across this challenge, we r planning to marry soon nd I will apply the ones we havent done to those we do already….Nd To us God is before Anything nd I believe thats wats kept us goin, weve changed our ways nd try to think of us before anyone else nd try to b kind, considerate nd loving nd respectful to each other….I hope u all will apply these to ur marriages/relationships Asap nd incorporate God in it nd watch ur Unity be thst much more meaningfull…Even for those who have lost Hope in Love…Love exists we just gotta work hard at it….God Bless….
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Day 1
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You can do this! I’m praying your attempts to help your marriage are blessed by God for His glory @flawless
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We watched this movie together a few months ago, but my husband still wants a divorce due to being unhappy. I ask for prayer as I continue with the 40 Day Love Dare, and ask for my husbands past wounds to be healed. He has been clear that he doesn’t ever want to be hurt like he has been in past relationships. He can be very scary when angry, but I know the Lord is in the healing business. I ask for strength to be a good wife through this storm and look forward to being a success story in the future 🙂 Thank you for your prayers!!
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We will pray for you Kristen. And God hears every one of our prayers.
Let us know how it’s going,
Tom and Debi
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Thank you for your prayer. Things have been much worse, and my husband has been VERY mean and disrespectful since the challenge…but I see that as a reason to try harder. I ask for continued prayers, and that the Lord gives me extra strength, patience and love. Thank you again!!
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He’s probably feeling conviction just like in the movie. You’re doing the right thing, Kristen. I’ll pray for an extra measure of God’s sustaining grace.
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Please pray for my marriage. My husband has many addictions and has been abusive in every form to me. He won’t go to counseling. Please help. Thanks.
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Tammy,
We’re sad to hear of your husband’s abuse. We encourage you to seek help from someone who is able to provide safety and Biblical counsel. And we will pray!
Tom and Debi
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I am so glad I found this I was searching for an answer to save my marriage of 8 years + 3 kids. I don’t want to see what all we have made of these years just thrown out the window. And I definitely don’t want my kids to get hurt. Just for the fact that we can’t get along. I pray and I hope for yall to pray that we can make this marriage work like God intended it to. I don’t want to lose him he really and truly is a great husband. And for some reason I keep on messing up and doing stuff to make him mad and not want to be with me. Please pray that things get better for my family.
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Danielle, it all starts by making one wise choice at a time and choosing what’s best for both of you. We know repairing damaged marriages isn’t easy, but if you’re a Christian God loves to work miracles for His glory. We pray the things you find here will help!
Blessings,
Tom and Debi
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I am going through a tough time myself as suddenly my wife has disconnected. I am searching every Avenue to fight for my marriage (and really still don’t understand what happened) and found this page through my pastor’s guidance. I pray that with the guidance here, I can get things back on track.
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We pray that God leads you to do and say those things that will bring your wife to a place of reconciliation.
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Thank you. It’s been tough and heartbreaking and has taken its toll. And she has resisted all efforts including going to a counselor….. But through it all I have never given up hope.
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Things have still been rough. She has stated i broke her heart but wont tell me how. She had a miscarriage back in April, but won’t talk about or consider this a factor. She also refuses any type of counseling, spiritually or otherwise.
This may seem a silly question. Regarding the 40 day plan. How do you feel I should handle it if there is something on the list I still do regularly. Move on to the next? Follow that days plan anyway? I will also be out of town for thanksgiving. She can not attend. Do I continue long distance.
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I would go on to the next day. And regarding Thanksgiving, see what the day’s assignments are and if they’re workable from a distance. If not, ask God to give you an idea of something you can do.
I hope this helps!
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Thank you again
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My sister told me to watch this movie as I am having hard time in my marriage, she watch in Portuguese and my husband is English so I was looking to find the movie in the original language when I found this page, I will start do the 40 days challenge to save my marriage. I just want to ask something, have you had any experience with people who did it as couples or always has been only one person to do? I want my husband to watch with me is it a good idea?
Thank you
Naiara
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Naiara,
It’s a great idea to do this to help your marriage, but I think it would be best to do the challenge alone and allow your husband to see your efforts.
We pray it works and your marriage thrives as a result.
Blessings,
Debi
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I am a law enforcement officer and recently have been told my wife is feeling g unhappy with our marriage. Since starting my job, I have been highly stressed causing our physical relationship to take a dive big time. I’m on day 2 right now as I has flowers delivered to her place of employment. We are both actively involved in church but my work schedule gets in the way of a lot of activities I would like us to attend. I plan to give this love challenge my all and completely submerge myself in the topics laid out. Thank you for posting this.
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Joshua,
Wonderful! We pray God will help you in the next 38 days to love your wife I ways that will rekindle your love and devotion.
Keep us posted on your progress. Merry Christmas,
Tom and Debi
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I am not married- but have loved the same man since high school. We had always been with other people. We are both divorced. Finally, 13 years ago we got together, but issues with his son made him push me away. He contacted me over social media in 2014 in the fall, and wanted to meet. He verbally and in a card a few weeks after that told me he was glad to have me in his life and wanted to make amends. I moved in shortly after. But he runs hot and cold and the discussions of us being engaged were shut down because he says my 9 y/o son will never leave me and he in his middle 40’s wants to retire with one person not a person with a grown child that will never leave. Says my child is coddled. He said we could date for next 9 years but he could not consider being more serious than that. I moved back to my house February 2015. We went to two counselling sessions at church and he broke up with me in front of the pastor. We got back together in the summer when I found out he was injured. I cared for him when I got off work-I work for police dispatch-and we were going along slowly/ok, then he went on vacation, had quit his job to start a new one, and when he came back, his new job didn’t work out. We were still doing ok, then as things went on, I felt him pulling away again. I told him this. I tried to be supportive and even took out a loan to help him finish a side job to keep his bills up. He started not wanting to sleep in same bed as me and he had been picking up my child to put him to bed early, as I am a dispatcher, but stopped doing this without telling me, and I asked him about it but he just kept doing it, and going to the local legion instead. I miss so much what we had, and I feel I abandoned him, but I had to leave when my child asked why he wouldn’t pick him up anymore-what did he do-this broke my heart. My son also saw him sleeping in the chair in the living room and heard him yell at me if I asked if anything was wrong, or if he would consider coming to bed. I am torn. Between the love I have always wanted, and my son who I cannot abandon. I have to choose my child obviously, but I want the man I love in my life. I have watched the movie. As well as War Room and Courageous. I pray all the time for him to turn his heart back and be the man we need him to be. I do not know if the things in this challenge can help me at all, as we do not live together, and he will not talk to me. I know he is under a lot of pressure. As am I with my job, single parenting and finances. But I didn’t give up, I had to step away for my son’s sake. I heard he was to get help for depression and had health issues being addressed by the VA. Do you have any advice…
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Tammy,
Yes, we do have advice, but it may not be what you want to hear. This relationship is not a healthy one. Your son is your first priority at this season of his life. The fact that this man is requiring you to choose between the two is a huge red flag to us. If you’re having this level of conflict now, getting married would only make it worse. You can’t make him be the man of your dreams. He is what he is, and it will serve you well to realize this now before it’s too late.
We encourage you to get involved in your church and give your time and energy in growing in your relationship with God. He is the only One who can satisfy the longings in your heart–and He has promised to never leave those who are His.
We pray God will help you be strong and do the right thing.
Blessings,
Tom and Debi
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Thank you for your honest response. I am trying to be a good parent. I am in a women’s bible study and take my child to Sunday school. And I pray for my beloved’s life and miracles- because they say anything is possible with Jesus. And everyday is difficult and I pray for strength as I thank God for the blessings I have that I don’t deserve. I’m thankful for mercy and grace. I don’t ask for much and have given up on a lot after being abandoned by the boys father for drugs and other women, my mother told me I was an unwanted whore and my father – the only man/person who has ever loved me unconditionally -died of brain cancer a few years back.. I keep praying someone will love me like my father did. But he has to love both of us..and when my love showed up when he did I thought it was the answer to a prayer. I’ve tried very hard to be a good mate and prove myself. I work hard and have since I was 7. If I can ask you to please pray for me then if these things here are not for my needs then… I would be grateful. Thank you for your time and response. I had just seen your site and thought it was something to inquire about…I’m sure it will help many..God bless you.
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Tammy,
My father also died from brain cancer and I miss him everyday. I understand the loss and feelings of loneliness.
While a husband is a wonderful gift from God, he can never love me on the level of my deepest need. Only God loves us perfectly. I’m sorry that this man doesn’t appear to be the one you’re looking for. If he was you wouldn’t have to keep pursuing him and giving 100% on your end while he’s only willing to meet you halfway. If you were married to him my advice would be different because we take the marriage covenant to be one until death parts you except in certain situations like adultery or abuse. But since your not married, I want you to know that there are other men who will love you for who you are including your son. Don’t settle out of loneliness. Let God comfort you and He will lead you to a place of peace and rest in Him.
I would encourage you to seek counseling from someone you know and trust, like your pastor or a close friend. Some of the things you mention would be hard for anyone to endure, and compounded makes it even worse.
But God has not forsaken you. He loves you, Tammy! I’m grateful that your earthly father loved you as well.
I’m praying for you that you will find that miracle!
Debi
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Should my wife and do this together?
I have been married for 4 years and she wants to separate. She says there has never been that spark and she feels like we should go our separate eays. I know in my heart that this isn’t the way to go… separation and or divorce.
This is my last shot, would this help?
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Absolutely. Any effort you make towards saving your marriage is worth it. We would encourage you to do it yourself as a way to communicate your desires for your wife. We pray God will do the impossible and turn your wife’s heart back to you. Blessings,
Tom and Debi
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So I should send her this list and say hey let’s give it one more last chance?
But what about the surprises and those things? If we are doing this together?
Sorry just confused
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I’m sorry for the confusion. I suggest you do it for her without telling her.
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But what should she do for the next 40 days.
I just feel like I always try… I was Hoping that we could do it together
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I haven’t heard of anyone doing it together. But you are certainly free to give it a try. It may be that she would respond to you attempts if it were not expected.
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Hi, my name is Wendy and my husband and I have been married for almost 2 years but we have been together for 5 years. We both have seen the movie a while back before our marriage was at risk. We have split up once before for about 3 months but decided that we really loved each other and wanted to stay together. But now he has brought up divorce once again and has left the house to stay with some family. Now my question is can I still do this love dare even if he is not physically here with me? Because I want to save our marriage and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to save it he is the love of my life and I don’t want to loose him. And honestly I feel like as long as one person is willing to give it there all that the marriage is savable. So could you please help me and pray that my husband will see how hard I’m fighting for this marriage that he will fight to. I really want to do this love dare but can I or is it to late BC he has left?
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It’s certainly worth a try. If some of the dares require you to be at home together try changing it to what works for you.
Praying for you Wendy, that God will bless your efforts.
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Hi my name is Tawanda please pray for my marriage of 18 years, my husband and I grew apart a few years back but remain together as parents to our kids. I love him dearly. Just recently I found out that my husband has been involved with a woman that works with him for three years. He has admitted that he is in love with her. It totally breaks my heart because he never tried to make things better between us, he continued to hang out doing whatever he wants. Now that I know he wants to separate and eventually get a divorce. I love him with all my heart and prays that God will turn things around. We have two beautiful kids.The love dare happens to be one of his favorite movies. Today I was just browsing the Web for prayers and found this site I have all the material at home and I will now start this challenge. .iam deeply hurt but try to cope because my husband seems to have his mind made up by ending our marriage. Please pray for us Tawanda and Lonnie Saunders
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Father, I pray for my dear sister who is embarking on this challenge in an effort to save her marriage. We ask that you help her do this in a way that will let her husband realize their marriage of 18 years is worth saving. We thank you. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.
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Thanks for praying for me it’s very hard and hurtful, I have faith and trust in God that he can make miraculous changes in my marriage.
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Hi
My husband said he’s unhappy and doesn’t love me anymore…He’s admitted to having an affair …She is also married..We are separated and it kills me he still is involved with the kids but I want him back…
Please pray for us at one time we were best friends. I KNOW the lord vut the enemy is working overtime…
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Praying that God will restore what has been lost. The only one you can change is you–it’s God’s job to change draw your husband back.
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Hi – I been married for 35 years we had our ups and downs through these years but never like we are now my husband is a completely diferent person sometimes I don’t even recognize him his attitude, his anger, very distant do not care about me or anything. Came to find out he’s having an emotional affair for almost 3 years with his ex girlfriend she doesn’t live here in the states she’s overseas. I’m going to get the movie to see, I believe in God and I pray a lot but for some r3ason he won’t stop this affair I’m so hurt please help me, pray for restoration of our marriage. Thank you.
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I am in a big confusion how to move my life forward,I want gods plan.I was really faithful to my husband for the past 41/2 years after marriage. I worked for all these years and my gold is given to him, with the ambition to have a happy married life and to solve his family financial problems.now we have a 10 month old girl child &I am pregnant 6 months. Now he is in great suspicion to me that this baby’s are not his without any reason. I cried out and forgiven for 6months even he doesn’t like my kids $treating me like a prostitute with his emotional sadism. I am planning to leave my job without even 1indian rupees with me, cz no more patience to stay with him &am afraid about my health. We love each other still but he can’t control his emotion. I am half died already; at least I want to live for my kids with guidance of jesus. Plz pray for the guidance of holyspirit.
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Dyna, hi my name is Tawanda pls email me at tawandachandra@yahoo.com God has wonderful things in store for u don’t give up pls email me so that I may share with you gods blessing.
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My husband has left and said he’s done. I am heart broken. I am going to try this. I can only hope he will be open to excepting it. At this point everything I have tried has been a fail. Please pray with me.
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I loved this I’m hoping this helps us.. we have made it threw to much to just walk away.. great movie
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I wish I could feel inspired, but after so many years of disappointment. Confusion. My firefighter husband cheating, then getting saved, then after getting saved still secretly watching porn and then lying about it, then getting drunk on his days off, which is the only time I see him, and our disabled son getting abused by caregivers, add to that other issues we’ve had. I give up. I seriously don’t even know what God has for us anymore. I’m so confused. I hate this world.
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It sounds like you’ve been hit on all sides with trouble and trials of all kinds. We strongly encourage you to seek counsel from someone who will be able to help you through it all. God is ready to provide the help you need. We pray you find it soon.
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Thank you for this page me and my husband have been through it and round and round…he recently was released from a rather long prison sentence and we are trying to work through it. I have no doubt he loves me but his life was stopped at 27 and 10 years passed and we have both changed I love him and have only wanted him as my husband, so I’m willing to do what it takes…I’m currently on day 4 and going out of town next weekend he couldn’t get off work on short notice for it and plan on getting a copy of this movie and leaving it for him to watch while me and kids are gone….The dares are simple yet hard thank you again
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We pray it goes well for you as you work towards restoration.
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Thank you so much for this my husband and I have only been married going on two years and we have been going through a rough patch I don’t know if it’s him or me causing these problem so I have screen shorted the challenges and I’m going to try it out here’s to hopefully getting my marriage right again😁
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I am so broken. This will probably be longer than most here. I don’t really have a support system so I’m going to open up here. I just found out last Thursday that my wife has been having an affair for the last ten months. I found out by doing a search through her phone records. The reason I became suspicious of her infidelity was because my 16 y/o daughter (who thinks I hung the moon) called me one night that week (I drive over the road truck) and said “Somethings not right,Daddy, Mommy’s on the phone late at night and now I know it’s not you because I am talking to you right now.” That broke my heart. She had been suspicious for some weeks.
It took a few days before my wife was willing to be truthful about it. A couple years ago I caught her having an Internet affair with a man many states away that started on Facebook. It was an emotional infidelity complete with text, calls, and dirty pictures exchanged of each other. My wife is a regular church goer. I am not. After catching the Internet thing she was very sorry asked for forgiveness and we decided to not end our marriage. I wish I would have done this then.
I realized that I am the one I need to work on. Regardless of whether my wife can stop her behavior (She has also confessed to a one time sexual encounter with a coworker many years ago). This happened as I bought the fireproof couples packet on line. Then I wanted to get a preview of the journal and that led me here. As I read through the dares God convicted me. My wife and I both claiming Christian morals and beliefs have never witnessed the other pray out loud to God. Nor have we prayed together. No wonder neither of us have known the right place to turn to nurture our marriage. I have been a threatening and often angry husband. But I truly love my wife with my whole heart. I could never fathom being unfaithful to her. But, as her husband, I should have led her and our children on a Godly path. She seems to want to give this another chance. She has agreed to do the dare challenge and 6 week DVD course with me. I would do it alone if need be because I feel the emptiness of not having God in my heart teaching me to be more like his son. I explained to my wife the realization about praying together and she is all for it. I am praying out loud for God to ease my mind of all thoughts of vengeance and violence against this man. And to take away my desire to just end it all and get peace. I believe God can give me that. Please pray for me, my wife, and our children.
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Oh Lew, God is near to the broken-hearted and saves those crushed in spirit. It is good that God has led you both to this place because relationship with Him is your greatest need.
It’s great news to hear your wife is willing to work on your marriage. We will pray the love dares will be a huge help to restore to you what has been lost. Thank you, thank you for opening up to us. We encourage you to find a good biblical counselor/pastor who can help you walk through this. Please keep us updated as to how it’s going.
Blessings,
Tom and Debi
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My ‘fiance’ and I watched this movie together; it was certainly a blessing. We have been through a lot together but I now fear that he wants to give up his efforts. He thinks that people should not have arguments or disputes in relationships, and that I should always agree with him. I’ve discussed with him that I believe that to be unrealistic and that I cannot agree with him on everything. We have attended premarital counseling and made resolutions, only for him to later revoke what he say and revert to his old ways. I am so lost. I feel that I have tried and tried, all for naught. I have made my life decisions around him and declined huge job offers just to be close to him. Now, I am stuck with a one year commitment to a job (which does not start for another 3 months) that I don’t particularly want in an area that I don’t want to be in, and he does not care about me. When I voice this to him, he merely insists that I leave – as if I can just pick up and go wherever I want. I am jobless and do not have enough money to afford my own apartment. He bought me an engagement ring 3 months ago but I am not “allowed” to wear it or tell anyone. I feel that he is just using it as something to hang over my head and keep me here. He has since told me that he does not love me anymore, which hurt me deeply. I do not know how to recover from this or if I should even continue to try when he does not reciprocate.
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Carolyn, I would do all you can to start a new life without him. Troubled engagements lead to troubled marriages. The only difference is right now you still have the choice. It won’t be easy, but you don’t need to keep trying to hold this together.
I pray you find the strength from God to make the hard choice.
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Do you suggest that couples do this love dare challenge together or should I do it for my spouse like the movie?
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I believe it works best to do it for your spouse. But I’ve not heard of a couple doing the dares together. If you choose to, let us know how it goes.
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Hi my name is jacob ive been seperated from my wife for 3 months this is my 2nd day out of the 40 its really difficult i would wanna quit because im not living there n shes talking to another guy and im not letting another guy take my wife away from me my story is some what based like the movie itself but i see what she posts on social media of other guy n i want to quit but i pray to God and i ask for stregth and compassion and only in his time within the 40 day journey she will see how God does amazing miracles.
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Hi Jacob. We pray this will help you take the necessary steps to convince your wife you want the marriage to work. We encourage you to seek counsel from someone either a pastor or friend who can encourage you and give you Biblical advice.
Tom and Debi
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Im the son of a pastor i strayed away from the path of God and now he called me and i surrendered i lost everything im attending bible studies one of my wifes friend has been going n hes praying for both me and her but only God has to deal with me first so he can guide me back to da path where he wants me to be in thank you Tom and Debi
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Thank you so much for the 40 day Challenge, it has really helped me and inspired me to be a better person and treat my fiance with respect and dignity she so deserves thank you so much this has been a tremendous help to me.
Don Santmyer 3-29-17
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Wonderful!! A great follow-up is Gary Thomas’ new book, Cherish. Get it, read it, practice it and your marriage is sure to succeed.
Blessings,
Tom and Debi
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Thank you for having this posted and continuing to respond to comments. I ask for your prayers as I am going to try this challenge to save my marriage. We’ve only been married for a year and a half and because of my actions, things are starting to go south. I have a problem with looking at other women and trying to contact them online. Although, I have never cheated on my wife or even met up with any of them, I still have betrayed our marriage. I am kicked out of the house because she doesn’t want to see me and I’m lucky if she answers the phone when I call. I pray that this challenge helps rebuild what I have broke so I can give my wife the life she deserves.
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Matt, Only a year and a half in, and you’re already facing such difficulty. But this is the beginning of learning how to fight for each other. Praying you will sense God’s grace to admit your sin and allow Him to help you change.
Blessings,
Tom and Debi
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If doing this challenge and so happen me and my spouse get into it and we don’t do the challenge for 3 days do we start back over or start from where we left off at?
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I would say from where you left off.
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Ok thank you
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I need to save my marrige but i think its to late
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Sarah, It doesn’t hurt to try all you can to save it. We have seen God restore marriages that seemed too far gone. Pray and ask Him to help you.
God bless your efforts,
Tom and Debi
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I’m so blessed, I’m 23 yrs old this year, engaged
to my fiance and she’s 21 yrs old this year, I haven’t
yet on the 40 days plan but I love it because
not only does it help me to improve every area
of my engagement and future marriage but
also it’s drawing me closer to the Lord, plus
I’m a young preacher, hahaha….
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Wonderful!! When is your wedding?
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Wonderful. Thank you so much!
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I read through many of the comments here. I grew up in Church, my partner did not. Him and I have been in a rollercoaster of a relationship for 3 years. We both have wanted to commit but not at the same time. He bought an engagement ring once and I turned him away, I was not ready and things have never been the same with him since then. We have both made so many mistakes but he brought another woman into our home and I moved out because of it. We are deeply in love and we have both tried so hard to make things work. I feel like we have been missing God in our relationship though. My friends and family keep giving the advice to walk away because we were never married, only living together. They also say I’m “still so young” as if my age (27) has anything to do with the plan God has made for my life. The stories of what these other people have been fighting through is so inspiring. It gives me hope that God could save my relationship that I hope one day becomes a marriage with God as our guide. I keep praying for God to show me what to do. I have faith in Gods plan for my life no matter what happens with my relationship, but I do hope it can be saved. I pray for both of our hearts to be opened to Gods guidance and I pray for us to be healed of all our anger, fear, regrets, and heart break. I have printed this post to use but these comments have spoke to me even more than the post it’s self. To give these things to God can be so hard. Seeing that I am not alone in my views has been so uplifting.
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My husband and I have been having struggles for 5 years. With his addictions and lies, I no longer trust in him. I love him more than anything but I’m not sure if when he says he loves me if it’s true. I goes to church with the kids and I and then take bad about everything we do. I am at a loose with him but I know I should give it to God but letting go and trusting isn’t something I can do easily.
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Jessica,
I’m sorry to hear of the struggles you’re having in your marriage. Is your husband willing to get help to overcome his addictions? That’s the first step towards a healthy Marriage. God will lead you as you give your troubles to Him. Praying you sense His nearness, love and clear direction.
Blessings,
Debi
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my husband and i been married for three years but its been a bumpy road. he has cheated on our second year and i feel he is still cheating. i love my husband and i dont want any marriage but to stick to the vow a made. he has become so secretive about what he does and he is always on the road and have less time for myself and our two years old daughter. am praying gods rewrite our marriage story and make things well for us again, please put me in your prayers as i start my challenge today. i have hope God will do it for us as he has done for others. watch out for my testimony!!!!
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May God bless your efforts as you embark on this journey.
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Praying this works. Me and my wife have been together 17 years. We were only married for 5 of those seven. She became emasculating and controlling and then kicked me out of our home. We have been seperated for 4 of the 5 years that we have been married. Within that time we have had children also. Within this last year she finally took the steps of getting divorced. I within that time of the first year of our seperation became angry and entertained another woman via the internet but never was truly done with my marriage. I had read advice about moving forward and rebuilding ones self and i did all of these things, only to be lead to a dead end. I have taken the steps to become the man she needs and being able to provide for our family. I am fully capable of being the priest of our home. But i believe she is scared of trusting me with her life. And wont allow me back in. She has begun the no contact thing. We have a good time when we have to do things with our children. And she says she loves me in person, but never through text or off and on during phone calls. I wanna save my marriage. I signed on for better or worse and this is the lowest weve been. Im willing to dedicate my life to god again in with a deeper connection as i know he has called me to minister to our youth. But i pray our time hasnt past and my awakening isnt too late. I wanna try this. Im willing to do whatever it takes to save my marriage while becoming a better man for myself. Please keep my family in your prayers.
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We pray God will help you draw closer to Him in all areas of your life and as you do that your wife will see your focus is on the right things. Seeking Him must take the priority over seeking to save your marriage. Only God can change her heart. We will pray to that end.
Blessings,
Tom and Debi
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Hello my husband and I has been marriage for seven years. In January he moved out of our house because of marriage issues. We went to marriage counseling and he returned home. He had in his mind that he wanted to move to another city because he was traveling back n forward. I agreed to moved with him but had to finish school in the located we where in. We made plan and he packed up our house and moved. I would visit on the weekends. Last week he told me that he no long want to work on Our marriage and in his eyes its pretty much over. I am devastated. I love my husband and don’t want to loose him. He feels like this because of things I have neglected in the last few years. I am trying my hardest to make it right and prove to him our marriage is worth saving. Do you all thing that the 40 challenge will work even if we are not in the same house? Being that he has check out emotional do you think we can rebuild if he is unwilling right now. What should I do. Just leave thing like it is or continue to fight for my man. Please respond. Even if you don’t have the answers.
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Neshia, Absolutely continue to fight for your man. Begin the challenge and treat him like you did at first. Let him know that you realize how you neglected him in the past and how God has convicted you of it. Then pray earnestly every day for God to bring life back to your marriage and a willingness in your husband’s heart to do the work needed. 7 years is a common time in marriage for it to fail. It’s when things don’t go as you expected making it difficult to keep moving forward. I’m praying God will give you the strength to do it. Your marriage is worth the fight to save.
Blessings,
Debi
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Hello Debi,
Omg this has been by far the hardest thing I had to do. I stop the challenge the first btime because of his rejection and try to come to terms that my marriage is over. However, I my heart would not let me.completely give up. So, I start over and is on day 10. Once again I feel the pressure and he is not responding. What should I do?
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Hi Neshia,
I am sorry your husband doesn’t seem to be responding. My encouragement is to keep doing what you believe God is saying to do. Trust Him for the response and lean on Him as you wait.
Praying for your marriage now.
Debi
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I am too late in reading about this challenge, and if my wife knew of it she would scoff at me and ridicule me for even reading it. Out of the blue, my wife callously rejected me sexually and as her husband over a series of weeks in 2015. At first it was making comments that she was no longer interested in sex, then that she was not interested in sex with me, and so on. Then she fully rejected me 3-times, she forcefully pushed me away from her in bed, then told me in a demeaning manner that I should go find a girlfriend. I was totally shocked and bewildered for 7 months. Until I found the answer online, she is an emasculating wife and person, and has been this way her entire life. She has every single trait. She always had me believing that our problems were always my fault. I’ve suffered her emotional terrorism for another 3-years, with an ever worsening in her attitude. She has continued with the “go get a girlfriend phrase in front of friends and family, thinking she is being cute about it all, and she now threatens divorce whenever she finds fault with me. There has been no form of intimacy over these 3-years, though she still talks of retirement in 15 years with me. I’ve decided to call it quits, as my current indifference to her emotional terrorism has become a mental drain on me.
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Lou, we are sorry to hear that your wife is apparently not willing to work on the marriage to be what it is intended to be. Have you asked her about marriage counseling? If she isn’t willing we pray God will direct your steps. We encourage you to go to someone who can help you sort through the past 3 years.
Every marriage is different and there are no answers that fit everyone. We do know that abuse of any kind is not good, so help for you at least is essential.
Thank you for sharing your struggle with us. Praying God leads you in the days ahead.
Tom and Debi
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Thank you
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The movies was awesome! I am newly in a relationship that has went quick and we will be engaged with only knowing each other for 3 months. This movie encouraged me and taught me that it is never too early or late to fireproof your marriage, thank you
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Don’t be in a rush to get married. Take your time a prepare. This is the biggest commitment you will ever make. I hope our blog will help you as you prepare.
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I think is good to fellow the rules given.
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Hmmm…. Did this twice. Made it to day 26 the first time, was met with so much hostility I began to question my own existence. The second time made it to day 30, same result. Since that time it has been revealed that she has resented me for the past 16 years. Any mention of counselling is to fix ME, not us, and I do not know where to go next. All the faults in her life are attributed to me and despite what I do to remedy it I am met with anger and resistance. And, yes, we did watch the movie.
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We are so sorry. In cases like this it’s most helpful to sit down face to face with someone who can counsel you both through it. Marriage is hard and finding the right help takes diligence on both sides. Praying you find the help and hope you need.
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Yesterday I found out that my wife of 23 years has been having a affair for the past nine years. I feel horrible since she told that my nine-year-old may not be my child. I still love my wife and all three of my girls I may not be the biological father of my nine-year-old but I’m still get Father. We are going to try to work things out because there still a glimpse of love in a relationship. I completely love her I will have to learn how to forgive her and I’m hoping this movie will help us in our path to success!
Thanks!
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Jenner, what a hard reality to discover. We will pray that God will help you restore what’s been lost through the last decade. We’ve seen God work miracles. We encourage you to seek counseling to help you through the process.
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Nice one
Thank you for putting this together. Iam sure its helping many peaple
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The movie fireproof really hit home . Me n my wife were separated for 7 years . We have been married for 47 years . N by God’s grace we are back together after struggling with drug addiction n being selfish . I turned my back to my Lord but he still forgave me. Now l struggle every day but l know that with God in my life we will overcome ! He has blessed me so many times in my life ,now it is time to open up my heart n really let him in .
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Juan,
We celebrate with you and all that God has done. Thank you for sharing your story with us. We pray the latter years of your marriage will be sweeter than you ever hoped.
Blessings to you and your wife,
Tom and Debi
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I so much loved this movie. I wish I it would have been around 35 years ago for my first marriage
I would truly love to have a copy of the 40 day love dare so I can do this in my marriage now. I truly believe that I have not been a true wife to my husband now. I need the lord in my life again. Please help me.
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My wife and I are going through a separation and almost guarantee divorce…my heart is so broken I’m numb to everything. I’m in such torment and I will have to spend the rest of my life separated from my family. It was the same old story…I mess up I run to God. Get back to doing good mess up back to God. Multiple times. Have I done this. Finally I have changed my ways and opened my eyes to God’s grace and completely changed my ways!! I want my family back so bad!! But I have messed up too many times…I tried this too late. I’m so lost I pray my wife’s trust in me again so I can give her the God loving husband she deserves and the God loving father I should be. I just want my family back…
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I feel your pain. I may be heading there as well. God willing I’m not, but if it is His will, then I must accept it and try to co parent as best as possible.
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How do you know a woman is for you ?, how do you know the right woman?, Is love in 1 Corinthians 13 possible??,
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Yes lasting, God-glorifying love is possible. But it takes two hearts in love with Jesus willing to love their spouse as Christ loved the church and gave His life for it. Marriage isn’t a fairy tale where all your dreams come true. Marriage is hard work with life-long commitment to each other and God. I hope this helps.
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I Absolutely Love this movie, my husband and I both have wanted to know the 40 days. Now that I have found them we’re going to do them together. THANK YOU GOD FOR LETTING ME FIND THESE FINALLY!!!! Our marriage has overcome a lot just by our love, but it’s been pushed to the brink many, many times, I believe this will make our marriage that much stronger. We knew each other from high school but hated each other in school. We met back up when I was 26 he was 24, we started dating on my 27th birthday (May 27,2006), we got married just a few months later on August 4,2006, everyone kept saying we wouldn’t make it a year, WE HAVE PROVEN to them that TRUE LOVE keeps a marriage strong. I can’t wait to see how much stronger our marriage is after the LOVE DARE challenge. I will update after we do this. THANK YOU AGAIN GOD FOR ALLOWING ME TO FIND THIS, AND THANK YOU FOR POSTING IT WERE IT COULD BE FOUND!!!!
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Teresa, We pray it help it ways you didn’t even imagine. We also recommend a book titled, Cherish by Gary Thomas. It has helped us as well.
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I wonder if this would work if my wife is currently moved out and we are currently living apart? Really didn’t think I would care or miss her until she no longer was around..
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It can’t hurt to give it a try.
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