We recently took a survey of 186 couples about the effects menopause is having or has had on their sex life. The results were varied and quite helpful. So much so that we wanted to make them available to you.
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Tom and Debi
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I think menopause broke my marriage up. I’ve been standing for marriage restoration for 3 years wondering now if I’m just spinning my wheels.
We’re so sorry Quinton. It may be that menopause accentuated troubled areas in your marriage that maybe weren’t identified before. We have seen God restore the most broken of relationships. We hope this will be your story.
Tom and Debi
We have been married for 39 years. She is 57 years young very attractive lady. She has had one very extensive back surgery. She still has a very bad back lovemaking always makes her back hurt. She has had breast cancer 11 years ago. They did a double mastectomy, she has implants. She has no feeling left in her breast area. Nothing left to turn her on.
Know menopause has set in for the last three years and has no desire to ever to make love to me. She tellls me after menopause nobody ever makes love. She says I just do not get it.
I still have desires and want to make love to her. All I need to do is get close to her and my desire grows. She can not understand me need to make love to her
Is menopause really that bad? I do not believe it is. Can you help us any way it tears us apart. She gets upset and cries after lovemaking sometimes. She never has been willing to talk to me about sex. It’s always good enough. The last 12 years she just wants me to get on top of her and get it over. I can never satisfy her desires.
Maurus, We are sad for the pain you are walking through in your marriage right now. Yes, menopause can be that bad! We suggest she visit a doctor who specializes in this season of life to see if there is something she can do improve her desire. Although you made it pretty clear she doesn’t want to seek help. If that’s the case prayer is your best help. God knows your wife better than she does and He cares for both of you individually and as a couple. We pray you’ll be able to find a resolve to your dilemma. It’s a difficult road, for sure, but no match for God’s grace to sustain and guide you.
I think now is the most important time to take good physical care of yourself. Research foods and activities to help counteract certain effects from menopause.
Also, good mental health can be achieved through diet and daily routines that include prayer, exercise and meditation.
Work Hard, Play Hard, Pray Hard!
Good advice, Marcia. Thank you!
If you add the never wants sex and the rarely wants sex, it is about 50%. Goes right along what a doctor friend of mine told me not long ago that about 50% of post menopausal women do not want sex any more at all. He said there is part physical, but he thinks it is because hormones go back to prepuberty levels when there is no interest in sex. He said it isn’t just there is no interest, but some find it almost disgusting and wish their husband was just not bring it up.
I think my wife is almost that way, hormone replacement might help, but to her, why fix something that she doesn’t want to do anymore? If there is no desire to do something, why go to the trouble of going to a doctor etc. She won’t see a doctor or do anything to improve it.
Ron, We are sorry to hear this. We encourage you to pray and ask God for wisdom in how to walk with your wife through this in an understanding way. Only He knows her and how to bring resolve that honors both of you and your marriage vows. We also encourage you to read, Cherish, by Gary Thomas. It may give you insight as to how to love her in this season.
Thank you for your comment and vulnerability.
Tom and Debi
As a trained psychotherapist with over 300 hours of masters-level education and additional training in the subject of human sexuality, I can tell you that menopause is not the only cause of sexual changes during midlife. Men also often go through a season of change during which erectile dysfunction may become an issue. Some of the E.D. is caused by age-related factors, but even among Christians, there is an increasing prevalence of porn-related E.D. E.D. leads men to thrust harder in order to maintain their erections, all the while insisting that lubrication ‘shouldn’t’ be necessary. This is exactly the opposite of what a women enduring menopause needs. Everyone can benefit from a good lubricant, no matter how young or old. And men need to start owning up to their own physical and emotional side of things. After reading so many comments above, I see a lot of women blaming themselves and men who are all-too-happy to heap on the blame and do very little to understand how much the way they treat their wives outside of the bedroom affects what happens in the bedroom. Our society in general – and especially within our Christian community – further complicates this by insisting that only vaginal intercourse ‘counts’ as sex. Please, for the sake of every marriage, end this blame game.