Quiz Your Spouse

It’s Back-to-School week in most areas. A time when parents can kick back into a more established routine. There are tests to study for and lunches to be packed. It’s all part of the rhythm of the school year.

Our marriage has a rhythm too. And each couple makes their own music. What works for you may not be appealing to us at all, but that’s ok. Our marriages tell the story of us.

We love to reflect on our years together. Questions lead to memories we’ve collected and help us give value to our history.

Maybe it’s time for a marriage history quiz?

Spend some time writing out questions to quiz each other about your marriage history. Span the years you’ve shared—the good, the difficult and the hilarious times—and try to stump each other. Of course, there can be bonus points earned to make up for missed answers. This can make the missed questions worth it. 😉

The idea is to slow down and remember. Maybe the memories will help you embrace the present struggles for the testimony being forged through the fire. Our history is worth it!

Let the quiz begin!

Posted in Cherishing, Christian Marriage, Creative Dates, Dating Your Spouse, Fun Dates, Growing Strong Marriages, Unique Dates | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

A Humble Spouse

We just finished going through the book, Cherish, by Gary Thomas, for the umpteenth time. And that is no exaggeration. You would think we wouldn’t need to read a book like this over and over. Especially since we’ve been doing marriage ministry ourselves for the better part of two decades, but…you would be wrong.

We love being in a Cherish group where couples share their perspective on what they’ve read. It makes us consider it afresh ourselves.

One night I shared how there are times when I just want to do things around the house the way I’ve always done them. Tom offers to help me and I resist.

As I shared this frustration, one husband in the group said, “I do the same thing. And you know what? It’s nothing but pride, wanting to do it my own way, right?”

I felt as if I was the only one in the room. The conviction of the Holy Spirit hit me square in the face, and regret followed.

Hadn’t I testified to the change in my heart after reading, Humility by Andrew Murray, years ago? Wasn’t humility the virtue I asked God for often? And yet I had missed this obvious fact in my selfish response to Tom.

Every marriage goes through seasons which require attention. If the attention isn’t given you will find yourself in a serious drift. And here I was. Thankfully, what used to take me months to see in my heart is now easily identified and repented of to Tom and God.

“Humility,” Andrew Murray says, “is the only soil in which the graces root. Humility is not so much a grace or virtue along with others; it is the root of all, because it alone assumes the right attitude before God and allows Him as God to do all.” pg. 12

I am grateful to be married to a humble spouse. Tom is quick to lay his desires and plans down to serve me. He is ready to do whatever he can to make my life easier. Yet, I resist. I don’t want to be this way. I desire to be more like Christ in His humility and treat Tom the way Christ treats me.

“Such humility is not a thing that will come on its own. It must be made the object of special desire, prayer, faith and practice.” pg. 13.

I am glad we were a part of another Cherish group. I didn’t know what I needed until God revealed it through a brother. It’s the same with all of us. We don’t know what our marriage needs unless we are willing to expose ourselves to this kind of introspection.

When was the last time you and your spouse took part in a marriage group or class to help your relationship grow and change?

If a class isn’t available to you, why not read Cherish together out loud and talk about the parts that draw your attention? Reading out loud really makes all the difference too. It is a tool to help you both talk about things you wouldn’t think to talk about otherwise. We have heard this from countless couples as we watched their marriage go to the next level of intimacy as a result.

Ask yourself, “Am I a humble spouse?

Posted in Cherish, Cherishing, Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Intimacy, Repentance, Temptation | Tagged , , | 3 Comments

Yoked

I read recently about the purpose of a yoke in training young oxen.

They are put in a yoke with an older more experienced ox in order to teach them how to work well together.

The picture described was of the young ox fighting, pulling and even sitting down—resisting the weight of the yoke. Yet overtime, through much struggle, the young ox learns to stand and walk with the other. This not only makes the path easier, but lighter as well. When the burden of the yoke is shared it lightens the load on both.

Likewise when two people learn how to walk within the constraints of the marriage covenant (yoke) it is not only harmonious, but they are capable of doing more together than they ever could alone.

Still there are times when life knocks you to your knees. It’s in these moments when we must work together to listen, understand and show patient love to each other.

Life is harsh and brings difficulty in many forms—loss, sickness, chronic pain, depression, job loss, financial strain, relational conflicts, etc.

We should not be surprised when our spouse struggles. Nor should we fear when we are the one in need.

If you are the strong one needing to carry the load for a season realize that, if you are in Christ, you never walk alone. He is the third person who chose to yoke Himself to us forever in the marriage covenant. “A three braided strand is not easily broken,” the Word of God says. He helps us in our weakness to do what we could never do on our own. What a Savior!

And our trials aren’t meant to break us, but to show us what we often fail to see…

We are stronger than we know and more loved than we realize.

My encouragement in all this is to be grateful for every moment you and your spouse have together—the easy roads and the ones where you’d rather not walk. It is producing an eternal weight of glory making the weight we endure in this life worth every strain, every tear and every sacrifice.

When have you experienced the need to stop and help your spouse through a difficult time? Maybe it’s now? May Jesus make His presence known to you both in your time of need.

Posted in Christian Marriage, Difficulty, Encouraging Your Spouse | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

Solstice

Flowers love longer days and so do I

Yes, today is the one where daylight is the longest of the year. The sun stays around a bit longer and does what it does best—shines light. without it all would be darkness—complete and utter darkness.

If you’re like me, that sounds horrible. Of course I love nighttime—especially when there’s a full moon rising over the ocean. But with no sun, there would be no moon; no romantic starlit strolls; no moon to swoon under.

Thankfully, God supplied plenty of light in various ways for us to enjoy. Let’s not take it for granted.

How will you spend your evening? I know it’s short notice, but aren’t some of our best moments spontaneous? They are for us.

Plan something unexpected tonight if you’re able—go for a late night walk around your block. Star gaze. Go swimming if you have a pool. Remember summers gone by and special memories you share.

One of ours was a cruise we took years ago. It just so happened to be on a ship called, Solstice. It was the best, most romantic cruise we ever had. Most likely because we were alone and every moment became a memory. I even made a video of it so we would never forget.

What are some of your favorite summer memories? Why not reflect on them tonight. No one shares history with you like your spouse. It’s one of the blessings of lifelong love.

Posted in Christian Marriage, Summer Date Ideas | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

44

“What will I wear?” I still couldn’t believe this was happening.

It was only Wednesday when he called long-distance to see how I was. Long-distance was expensive 44 years ago. It cost more to dial across the state than it did to call across the country. The only discount to be found was calling after 10p. But he didn’t wait for the savings, which gave me a hint as to his thoughts.

We talked about nothing really. Both happy and nervous to speak after years since we last saw each other. He suggested we go to lunch after church on Sunday, since he would be in town.

I may have said yes before he finished the question.

Then he remembered Sunday was Father’s Day. “How about we go out Saturday instead. That is if you’re free.”

Free? I hadn’t felt this free in a long time. I had a feeling my future was calling. Could Tom be the one I had prayed for, longed for, desired to get to know more? Only God knew. I controlled my emotions and managed a simple, “Yes, Saturday works for me.”

We hung up and I bolted from my room screaming, “Tom Walter called me. Tom Walter called ME!!!”

My grandmother was sitting at the kitchen bar as I bolted passed her, like a bundle of adrenaline looking to explode.

Saturday came. I decided on a navy blue skirt with a blue and white striped top. My white platform shoes added the final touch.

I was ready long before the clock said He would come. I couldn’t stop looking through our front door window.

And then it happened. His Mercury Monarch pulled into my driveway. He came to the door dressed in a three piece suit. My heart pounded louder than his knock.

He opened my car door and drove me to one of the nicest French restaurants in town. Mind you, I was only 18. Tom was 23. This was new and exciting for both of us.

I talk and laugh when I’m nervous, and there was lots of both that night. We both felt comfortable with each other and wanted to learn more. Tom joked before we got to the restaurant that he made reservations at McDonald’s. I think it wouldn’t have mattered where we ate dinner that night. I was feasting on possibilities.

This was the start of what God had established in His will long before we knew each other. I can’t help but believe He was smiling right along with us.

44 years ago today.

Photo cred: http://www.maisonjardin.com

Posted in Christian Marriage, Love Stories, Seasons of Life | Tagged , , , | 6 Comments

A Weighty Word Indeed

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about a word.

It has caused me to stop in my tracks and ponder it’s meaning. When applied to One in particular, it can bring me to my knees. The word is…HOLY

It is defined in Webster’s 1828 dictionary as: Properly, whole, entire or perfect, in a moral sense. Hence, pure in heart, temper or dispositions; free from sin and sinful affections.

It carries even more weight when it is repeated three times, as in the following Scripture verse…

“Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come!”
‭‭Revelation‬ ‭4:8‬b

When applied to marriage as in Holy Matrimony, it reveals the seriousness of our covenant as husband and wife. We become one flesh and in covenant with God who personifies holiness. Our primary purpose in our relationship is to glorify our God in the way we treat each other.

To act holy towards our spouse is to treat them with the realization that they are the son or daughter of the King of Kings. We should love our spouse in a way that brings glory to God.

I believe a good place to start is by using the Fruit of the Spirit to measure our attitudes and our actions as we live with and love our spouse.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit.”
‭‭Galatians‬ ‭5:22-23, 25‬ ‭ESV‬‬

May God help us stay focused on the Truth of what Holy Matrimony requires of us. Marriage matters. It matters to your spouse. It matters to your children. And it matters to your church family. A church is only as strong and holy as the members within. May we be what we say we are every day of our lives. Living authentic lives with integrity. This is only possible if we are in relationship with the One who is the definition of Holy…

Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty.

Posted in Biblical Encouragement, Christian Marriage, Fruits of the Spirit, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

In Need of Shade

Must find shade!

We have a black car and the temperature difference between parking in a sunny spot and a shady spot is huge as far as comfort is concerned. Add to it the windshield umbrella contraption Tom bought and it’s even more noticeable how shade helps fight heat.

June in Florida begins at the tail end of our dry season. Rain is a hit or miss occurrence compared to our normal Summer afternoon thunderstorms. Today was dry and hot–so hot you could fry an egg on the sidewalk.

As I considered the difference shade makes on such days, it made me wonder how much I offer needed shade to Tom in times of circumstantial drought.

Drought in marriage happens as often as the seasons in a calendar year.

Some examples of drought are sickness, financial strains, relational conflict at work or with extended family, parenting issues, unemployment, on-going care for elderly relatives, to name a few. We have had quite a few of these drought-like conditions in our marriage the last few years.

We can learn something from the cool of the shade.

The temperature difference from sun to shade can be upwards of 25 degrees or more. Add a little breeze and hot days can actually feel comfortable.

What are some ways we can provide shade to our spouse when they’re feeling the heat?

  1. Listen to what’s on their mind without interrupting – this allows the hot air to escape.
  2. Be cool and even-tempered even if you’ve had a difficult day – this invites the cooler air in.
  3. Protect your schedule and give space for down time – this blocks the heat from penetrating through the windows.
  4. Provide a cool drink – this is like taking full advantage of the car’s air-conditioner.
  5. Pray without ceasing – this is like a cool rain as it hits the car and it cools faster than any other method. It reveals our dependence on God to help us in our weakness.

Summer is here. Let’s make the best of it and help each other be comfortable no matter the temperature outside.

Posted in Christian Marriage, Difficulty, Encouraging Your Spouse, Seasons of Life | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Tomorrow

It is said at most traditional marriage ceremonies, yet we often give little thought about it from that day forward.

“‘Til death do us part.”

A couple of Sundays ago, our pastor taught on 1 Corinthians 5 – 7. The title of his message? “Sex, Singles, Marriage and the Glory of God“. He did an outstanding job sharing the biblical view with an emphasis on the why–for God’s glory.

But during the message my heart kept being pulled to another group in our church, not mentioned in the title–not really. What about the widows and widowers among us who no longer fit in either category. To say a widow is now single comes with a sting to most widows I’ve talked to. They feel very much married, just separated temporarily by death.

Ever since that day I have been carrying all my widowed friends and family close in my thoughts and prayers. They are now walking on this lonely road, and it is something no one can fully understand until you’re there yourself. At least this is what I’ve been told by most all of them, and they are right.

But being a person who wears empathy on her sleeve, my hugs with each of them places a loving burden on my heart to care for them in their suffering.

There are those I know who walked the long road of sickness and suffering with their spouse until God called them home. Others died without warning bringing with it a lack of closure and no goodbyes. Some saw it coming and prepared. Others denied it would happen and found themselves struggling to breathe when the reality of death hit them blindsided. Some died at a ripe, old age with no regrets. Others died way too young, at least from my limited perspective, including my 66 year old brother last year. And others still had young children or teens to raise alone.

On that Sunday two weeks ago I felt the Lord whisper in my ear–tell them I see them and they aren’t walking this road alone. I am with them wherever they go. While they may feel lost for a season without their spouse, they will never know eternal loneliness because of My Son’s willingness to be separated from Me. His sacrifice was to allow you to be able to grieve with hope. I am with you always.

Why am I posting about death and widowhood on a marriage blog?

I do so because this is part of our marriage story. If we keep our vows until that day, we will all experience death either together or one at a time. Only God knows the day marked for each of us.

As A.W. Tozer said, “We do well to think of the long tomorrow.” Meaning eternity waits for no one. We all have a day that will be the death of our marriage in this life. We do well to think on this and let it steep in us an appreciation, purpose and an intentionality for the time we have together.

Marriage was created with one major purpose in God’s mind–to glorify Him by the way we live, love and procreate. Sharing with our children and our children’s children about God and how much He deserves our devotion and praise–for as long as we both shall live.

As a friend who was widowed at a very young age says often, “Shine Jesus Shine”. It is her invitation to her Savior to use all of her story, including her marriage and her widowhood, to glorify Him. I hope I can have this attitude should I be called to widowhood. Only by the grace God will supply is it possible, and this gives me great hope.

Grief’s sting is limited and it is all because of Christ.

Photo Credit: Photo by Matt Reiter on Unsplash

Posted in Biblical Encouragement, Christian Marriage, Death and Grieving, Keeping It Real, Seasons of Life | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Stay

We have been surrounded by a lot of trying and heartbreaking circumstances. Sharing tears with friends and family about losses that will never be restored. At least not in this life.

Scripture tells us to weep with those who weep. This helps us consider our life and how quickly our rejoicing could turn to mourning. We are not promised tomorrow. We’ve all heard it said, but it takes walking with those who have suffered the loss of their loved ones to realize the depths of pain that will follow them until their final days.

There is one word that keeps me grounded in tumultuous times; Stay.

Scripture also tells us to stay the course and endure hardship until the end. Possible? Yes. Easy? By no means.

This takes the grace of God through Jesus Christ who endured suffering to make a way for us to find comfort in ours.

I am sobered by those whom I love who are suffering. How I wish I could make it better for them. But I can’t. All I can do is stay committed to my marriage, my friends, my family and weep with them. And…

Stay close,..

Stay friends,..

Keep traditions and memories alive, because this speaks volumes of love to a broken heart.

I may be rambling a bit. But I’m processing as I write.

I am called to stay and pray. Who in your life needs your staying presence to endure the road ahead? It may be your spouse. If so, ask God to provide help to stay close, stay committed and stay engaged. This is what marriage is made of and it’s what matters most for it mirrors the character of God in whose image we are made.

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First Gear, We’re Alright

Since Tom retired in 2018 we have had many starts and stops on the way to get here.

Retirement for us has been like a standard shift car. Do you remember learning to drive a stick shift car? If you never have you’ve missed a tangible life lesson!

“Sunny”

My first car was a 1973 VW bug. It had only 4 gears, but each one had a purpose. And it took practice using the clutch to make each shift comfortable. How do I know?

When I was first learning to drive my car I was alone practicing starting and stopping in my neighborhood. I was forced to make a stop on a hill, which was fine until a police officer pulled up behind me. Suddenly it mattered how good I was. And I didn’t think I was ready. Actually I wasn’t—I floored the gas pedal and the clutch making an embarrassing jolt forward! Fortunately the officer wasn’t paying me as much attention as I was to him.

Breathe.

Photo credit: CarGurus.com

Tom’s first car was also a standard shift—a 1965 mustang fastback. His engine had a lot more power than my little yellow bug. But our affection for our cars was the same.

He loved racing his high-powered orange sport car. Against his mother’s wishes he raced one last time when he ended up blowing the clutch which caused extensive damage to the floorboard and engine. It was towed to his home where he had to face the wrath of his Mom. His Dad required him to rebuild the car, literally, which took months—he rode the bus to school his senior year of high school. Breathe.

How does this fit with retirement?

When Tom first retired it was in 2012. It was unexpected. It was like driving our cars for the first time—fun, awkward and a realization we weren’t quite ready to do this. So Tom got another job. He worked off and on for the next six years until we finally got the hang of shifting gears.

Breathe.

Anything worth learning is worth doing well. Retirement was filled with many unknowns that we were excited to discover—together.

Just as we were about to hit 4th gear, life got complicated—a very sick granddaughter, a worldwide pandemic, a micro preemie grandson born at 24 weeks and the unexpected death of my healthy 66 yo brother to name a few. We found ourselves having to down shift to first gear, never able to accelerate. It felt as if our engine would never reach full speed.

But we realized this season was purposeful.

Every gear has a purpose, otherwise we could skip from 1st to 4th without incident. We must shift one gear at a time to help the engine reach a higher speed with less strain.

God knows our limits.

He knows how to take us from idling to full-speed. And He is patient. I may think I’m ready for over-drive, but God knows what’s best for us based on the road ahead that we can’t yet see.

Telling these stories of learning to drive stick-shift sounds easy and fun. But living through this time was stressful. And what we’re facing today will one day sound easier. What gets us from this day to that day is one word—trust!

First gear—we’re alright!

Posted in Christian Marriage, Retirement, Seasons of Life | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

A Time For Everything.

Barefoot Cabin

Nine years ago we were embarking on a new adventure. Our eyes were full of faith as to what God had in store for us. My Mom had just entered eternity. Tom had just retired from owning a business and the options for us seemed endless. God was moving and we were excited. He made it clear He had a place for us in the mountains of NC. We were so excited to see what God had in store.

For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven…” – Ecclesiastes 3:1 ESV

This week we will embark on a new adventure. We are selling Barefoot Cabin because God has let us know it is time. He let us know in the same way He told us it was time to to buy. Did we see it coming? Not really. But when we heard His direction there was no doubt. His timing is perfect.

We have been busy making the necessary repairs and cleaning. Tomorrow the photographer will come and attempt to capture on film what this place has to offer. But…

It won’t capture the moments our grandchildren played in the snow for the first time. It won’t capture our first apple harvest supplying the best NC native apples for pie. It won’t capture the 4th of July parades, the birthday parties, the fireworks on our hill or the kickball challenges. It won’t share the many ladies retreats where dozens of women met one-on-one with God. It won’t tell of the times women cried in the presence of their Savior. It won’t tell of the Marriage Retreat where like-minded marriage bloggers, our Core Team, came to share their vision for what God was calling us all to do with our newly formed Christian Marriage Bloggers Association.

Our lone apple tree bore the sweetest fruit
2016

Missing will be the family gatherings, the “Land Cruises” with dear friends, Tom’s Dad’s 90th birthday celebration, the conversation with a dying friend assuring her of her salvation and watching God release her with peace into His everlasting arms. And the height of it all? Our youngest daughter getting engaged during the hometown 4th of July Parade down Banner Elk’s Main Street.

Our Daughter’s engagement July 4, 2017

The laughter, the tears, the joy shared under the roof of this cabin won’t be listed on the MLS page.

No, all these memories are ours to pack up and take with us. You see a place is only the frame for the life lived inside.

We have lived and glorified God in this place. We have shared with others what God has so richly given to us. This place is not ours, but His! We called it Barefoot Cabin because we brought nothing to this cabin but ourselves. God is the only One who has filled it with lasting fruit.

I have hosted 17 Barefoot Ladies retreats. Over 100 women have met their Savior for a week, listening to what He would say to them. Most times they expected reprimands, but came away hearing only how much they were loved and accepted because of Christ. Ah! That alone is enough fruit to feast on for the rest of my life.

The rock where many met the Lord as their Rock, replacing sorrow for joy. (Photo cred: Joy Subrahmanyan)
👣 Abiding in The Vine September 2014 👣

As I sit here at the table late on the eve of listing this cabin for sale, the only take away is gratefulness. God has been so very good to us. It is time for this place to bless another family. It is time for us to venture on to the next place of ministry for His glory. And it may be time for a good cry, if I’m gut level honest.

The winds are shifting and God is on the move. We must follow where His Holy Spirit leads us knowing that He does more than we could ask or think.

I’m reminded of this song from Mary Poppins…

“Winds in the east, there’s a mist comin’ in

Like something’ is brewin’ and ‘bout to begin.

Can’t put me finger on what lies in store,

But I feel what’s to happen all happened before.”

The walls echo with music sung in praise to God for who He is and what He has done. I closed every retreat with this song by Matt Redman, and it’s fitting for me to end this post in the same way. Stay tuned for what’s to come.

Posted in Barefoot Cabin, Christian Marriage, Priorities, Seasons of Life, Thankfulness | Tagged , , , , | 9 Comments

Wordless Wednesday – Farmer’s Market Date Day

Pause and take in the moment

When I sat down to write today’s post, I had no words. My camera lens oftentimes does a better job of telling a story than I do. So today I’m letting these photos speak. I hope you’ll pause for a few moments and let them speak to you as well. Happy Spring!

Peach Galette
Posted in Christian Marriage, Date Night Ideas, Fun Dates, Outdoor Dates, Spring Date Ideas, Wordless Wednesday | Tagged , , | Comments Off on Wordless Wednesday – Farmer’s Market Date Day

Creative Dates for Parents

Photo by John-Mark Smith taken in Ukraine Unsplash.com

We recently read a great post by Dustin with Engaged Marriage blog. He provided a fun idea for parents to help spark creativity in your dates, but also to model what a healthy marriage looks like for them. Let us know if you give this a try. We may try asking our grandkids. Happy dating!

Posted in Christian Marriage, Creative Dates, Date Night Ideas, Dating Your Spouse | Tagged , , , , | Comments Off on Creative Dates for Parents

Favorite Numbers

Laughter does good like a medicine

We want to include you in our recent conversation that made us laugh out loud. How we’ve needed this. To know why the heavy heart—head over to my personal blog, Write From The Heart—to see.

But here was our conversation last night while on the couch:


Me to Tom: Do you know what my two favorite numbers are?
Tom: 7?
Me: Yes, that’s one of them.
Tom: I have never heard you tell me—3?
Me: No. It’s 2! Tom: I have never heard that before!
Me: In 43 years of marriage you didn’t know my favorite numbers? What’s your favorite number?
Tom: In 43 years you don’t know? (He has a point!) 😳
Me: But I told you mine, so you have to tell me!
Tom: My favorite number is 3.14
Me: Pi? You can’t have that as your favorite number, it’s a fraction!
Tom: I can too, cause I love pi (pie) 😂 (He makes another good point).
Me: Aren’t you at least impressed that I know what pi is? Numbers may not be my favorite, but I made straight A’s in geometry. 🥰
🤣🤣

What conversations have made you laugh recently? They can’t be planned, but when they happen, enjoy them with a heart full of gratefulness. God lightens our burdens in practical ways—like sharing favorite numbers.

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Today

Our honeymoon

Today marks 15,695 days I have been a Mrs. Tom’s one and only Mrs. to be exact.

I was 19. Tom was 24. We had our life ahead of us with all its twists, turns and unknowns.

These 2242 weeks later, we can point to many twists, remember several hard turns and have discovered lots of what was unknown in 1979.

I could list specific times our hearts were broken, where we cried so hard we didn’t know if we would ever stop. Times when we hurt each other deeply and had to fall on our knees to God asking for the grace to forgive and move forward together. Times when we laughed so hard at the end of an exhilarating day we didn’t want to close our eyes for fear the moment would fade. Times when we resolved our differences and embraced our similarities and all the while worshiped the God we both knew personally and loved intimately.

Marriage has been the hardest thing we have enjoyed for all of our adult lives.

There is still more ahead of us. God knows every one, including how many days until we breathe our last breath.

516 months into our marriage and we are still getting to know each other in this season of life. Every month has brought new challenges, new opportunities to forgive and ask for forgiveness. New chances to ask good questions to help us grow in our understanding of each other.

These 43 years have been oh so good. And the one thing I remember today is something Tom said to me when we were dating. “We must never forget that underneath us are the everlasting arms of the Lord. He will never let go.”

Today I needed this reminder. Maybe you do as well. With His everlasting, strong arms, we can rest whatever the next days, weeks, months and years hold for us. God knows and that’s all my heart needs to hear.

Happy Anniversary Mr. Walter. I am grateful to be your Mrs.

Posted in anniversaries, Celebrations, Cherishing, Christian Marriage, Keeping It Real | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

364

What is so special about this number? It’s how many days that fall between this Valentine’s Day and next Valentine’s Day.

We have 364 more opportunities to let our spouse know how much they mean to us. In case you’re new to us, we provide lots of creative ideas to help keep the home fires burning. Check out the categories in our menu bar—there are hundreds of ideas.

Of course there won’t be Hallmark card reminders or radio stations announcing special date night specials. There won’t be floral vendors lining the streets selling the sentiments of your heart or grocery stores with romance begging to be purchased. You’ll be on your own, but not alone.

If you are blessed to have a marriage that is thriving you have no limits on how to express your love every day of the year.

If your marriage isn’t thriving, just barely surviving, you can lean in and work on those areas that need attention. We encourage you to seek help because little annoyances will fester and become huge problems if left unchecked.

I’d love to see Valentine’s Day become unnecessary because we have learned how to express our love in practical as well as special ways all through the year!

So what will you do with your 364?

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Intimacy, Romance in Marriage, Valentine's Day | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on 364

Vintage Post: A Dozen Valentines Ideas 4U

First posted in 2019

Valentine’s Day. Many people roll their eyes just thinking of it. You may think it is hokey. You may think it is a gimmick instigated by the card and chocolate industries to get you to part with your money. But what if you chose instead to use this holiday to help you express your love to your spouse in a fun and creative way?

Introducing our Top 12 Romantic Valentine Ideas just in time for you to plan this year and make it special.

1. Plan a romantic dinner at home. Do it after the kids are in bed. If your kids are older, set up a nice table in your bedroom if you have the space. This allows you to enjoy a quiet meal together even if everyone is still awake.

2. Watch a romantic concert on TV. One of our all-time favorites is Jim Brickman’s My Romance. I rearranged our living room furniture so that the loveseat was right in front of our TV. It gave the feel of a front row seat at the concert. Find an artist you both enjoy and look for DVD’s of live concerts. It is a great way to spend an evening together at home.

3. If the weather is nice where you live, plan an evening picnic under the stars. This can be just dessert and coffee, or go all out with a full dinner basket.

4. Buy an inexpensive jigsaw puzzle with no more than 100 pieces. On the back of some pieces write numbers that represent certain prizes earned when you find where that piece fits. Ideas include: Do one of your chores for a week, back rub, activity of their choice on next date, make love when, where and how you want, dessert of your choice, etc… Make it more fun by numbering the puzzle pieces that coincide with a list, so you don’t know what you won until the puzzle is finished.

5. Learn something new together using how-to videos on You Tube. Examples: Swing Dancing, Pizza making, Line Dancing, etc. Or watch funny video clips to make each other laugh.

6. Play Win or Dare Putt-Putt.

7. Have a photo shoot together. You can make this silly or sexy. The important thing is to have fun. Gather different outfits and props to use to make it even more creative.

8. Make a playlist of your favorite love songs and slow dance together. Turn the lights down and light a few candles to make it romantic. As a challenge see if you can look each other in the eyes for one entire song as you listen to the words. We did this once to the song, You Must Love Me, by Madonna. It is such a special memory for both of us.

9. Make this day a No Techie Day. Put away your devices and talk. Read aloud to each other from books you both enjoy.

10. Have your own video game tournament. If one of you is better than the other, make a handicap for the stronger player, like using only their weaker hand.

11. Use washable markers to draw tattoos on each other where no one else can see.

12. Buy a bouquet of flowers to give your wife a message using the meanings of flowers as your guide.

We encourage you to make the most of every opportunity you have together. We never know how many memories we will get to make in this life. Let’s not waste a single opportunity to connect and express our love.

Happy Dating!

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This Man

He serves tirelessly. He works hard when someone is depending on him. He is faithful to complete any job well. And He does it with joy.

We have had a hard few seasons back to back. We have lacked time to just be us. We have rubbed each other the wrong way and had to apologize and talk through the challenges. But still we are here. We are us. Something we don’t take for granted anymore.

So many losses. So many heartaches. But God. He helps us take the next step keeping our eyes on Him.

Tonight we celebrate being home together, enjoying a meal hot off the grill. It’s the little routines that bring comfort; more than the elaborate dates planned.

What challenges are you facing? How is your spouse being stretched? What might you do to bring comfort to him/her in this season? Think simple. Think long-standing comforts. Think specifically. Then do it!

We aren’t guaranteed tomorrow. Let’s not let little struggles cloud up our marriage for days on end. Time is too precious.

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One Night

Our gorgeous view

Tom and I are away for a 24 hour getaway at the beach.

He got an early check-in which gave us time to rest awhile before dinner. Our meal was at a local favorite called Millie’s, that uses local meats and produce and it was obvious why they have 5 stars with hundreds of reviews. The food was so fresh!

When we returned to our hotel it was chilly and the fire pits were going out by the pool. We couldn’t resist and bundled up with warm clothes, beanies and blankets and snuggled up in the Adirondack chairs to relax. The hotel provided s’mores kits upon check-in that we used and enjoyed on this perfect night under the stars.

I happened to see the half-moon rising around 1 a.m. and then the sun rising over the water at 7:15 a.m. The only word that came to mind was, “faithful”. God faithfully causes both the moon and sun to rise every.single.day, and He has since He first said, “Let there be light!”

Our time is about to come to an end here at the beach, but we have one more stop to anticipate—breakfast! My husband enjoys food, but breakfast out is what we did on the day he proposed to me. So it is always special to us.

We feel as if we’ve been gone much longer than 24 hours. When was the last time you and your spouse enjoyed one night away? you may need it more than you know. It’s worth the effort.

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Passport Dinner Dates

Tom and I love to travel, but with the pandemic it has been impossible for most. Especially elective vacation travel.

We shared this date idea in 2009 under our Top 10 Date Night Ideas, but we felt this date needs revisiting and elaborating. You can plan these dates together, take turns planning them, or do them all as a gift for your spouse.

First purchase or make small Passports for both of you. Go to a store that makes Passport Photos and add it to the inside cover of both.

Plan the first country, state or region you would like to visit.

Let’s start with Italy, since Tom’s family is Italian. Actually, they’re from Sicily where we were able to visit in 2007 on our Trip of a Lifetime. Tom said walking the streets of Palermo felt like he was visiting family–it was familiar and comforting even though he had never been.

Next decide on your menu.

Tom and I love to cook and trying new recipes is always fun. He excels in the protein department and I love doing all the rest.We make a good Chef and Sous Chef team. But if you don’t enjoy cooking don’t let this stop you. You can use Uber Eats to order Italian food delivered, or you can go out to dinner, whichever your budget will allow.

The point is to do all you can to enjoy Italy–the sights, the sounds, the aroma and the taste. It’s all part of the experience.

The Sights

Search the web for images of Italy and print them to hang around the room. You can even use some to make a menu depending on how creative you are. Don’t forget to choose an image as a stamp for your passports too. You should also select a travel video of Italy to watch while eating or as the entertainment after you finish dessert. An Andrea Bocelli concert would be memorable! Check out this latest video as Andrea surprises his wife.

The Sounds

Try Italian dinner music on Spotify and see what they play. You may need to search for instrumental to find something not too overpowering for the evening. Italians sing loud–they live life loud too. It’s what makes them so fun to be around. But you may want a more romantic soundtrack so as to not stifle great conversation.

The Aroma

Your menu will take care of this one. Just make sure to fill the air with the aroma of fresh baked garlic bread, whether homemade or store-bought. No meal is complete without lots of garlic and bread to sop up the gravy (as true Italians call sauce).

Finally The Taste

Italy is known for its food, and depending on the region you choose will determine what type you’d like to be the star of your evening. Tom’s favorite dish is Chicken Cacciatore. I got the recipe from a little Italian cookbook his mother gave me when we first got married. It is the only recipe that sounded good to me in the book, and it has been a favorite now for decades. For a fun experience may we invite you to watch our favorite Italian Chef Pasquale as he demonstrates how he makes this dish. “I thinka I’ma gonna haveta try dis.” 🙂

This is one idea among many. Consider a year of Passport Dates–one a month for 2022. You could visit all kinds of places and make so many romantic memories. We’d love to hear where you go!

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