The Pharisees were the religious elite of their day. They spanned the motives of their heart with a pat on the back. All the perfection boxes were checked, yet one thing was lacking—humility.

Humility is lowliness of mind; a deep sense of one’s own unworthiness in the sight of God, self-abasement, penitence for sin, and submission to the divine will.

Webster’s 1828 dictionary

What does humility look like in marriage?

• A realization that your sin is the only thing you can do anything about, which leads to repentance.
• Pointing the finger of blame is not found in a humble heart. When you are pointing a finger of accusation there are three fingers pointing back at you.
• A willingness to serve by laying down your life for the good of another, namely your spouse.

One word of caution though. A proud spouse craves their spouse to do all of the above.

If when reading this you are thinking that your spouse needs to read this—humility quite possibly may be lacking.

The only One qualified to judge the motives of the human heart, is the very One who died to free us from the snares of pride—Jesus Christ, our Savior.

Jesus warns us that the measure we use to judge someone will be used to judge us. This should cause us all to tremble and not trust our own heart.

If your marriage is struggling we encourage you to ask God what you’re missing in regard to change.

You have no control to change your spouse, but you do have control over your own thoughts, motives and attitudes.

Are you willing to lay your life down for the good of another? Your spouse? If you struggle to answer yes, the Pharisee may be influencing you more than you know.

Only the Holy Spirit can expose the motives of my heart with truth and conviction.

Ask Him to show you any trace of the Pharisee’s self righteous judgments in your own heart. This is where life-changing repentance begins and the foundation on which healthy marriages are built.

Recommended reading: Humility, by Andrew Murray