Photo from the movie, Fireproof
Many of you have probably heard about or even seen the recent movie, Fireproof, about one man’s story to save his marriage. It is a powerful story worth seeing. It it now available on DVD, and we couldn’t recommend it more highly. In the movie the lead character, played by Kirk Cameron, realizes that his marriage is on the brink of divorce. He is challenged by his father to take part in a 40 day Love Dare Challenge. Reluctantly he agrees, and the movie tells his story. The movie is based on a book by the same name by Eric Wilson (Author), Alex Kendrick (Author), Stephen Kendrick (Author).
We would like to make this love dare challenge available to any of you who would like to participate. Below are the 40 love dare challenges. This can be done by the husband for the wife, as in the movie, or by the wife towards the husband. Either way it is sure to help your marriage grow, maybe even in areas you didn’t realize needed strengthening.
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Day 1:
Resolve to say nothing negative about your spouse today.
Ephesians 4:2 “with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,”
Day 2:
Do at least one unexpected gesture to your spouse as an act of kindness.
Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
Day 3:
Buy your spouse something that says, “I was thinking about you today.”
Romans 12:10 “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.”
Day 4:
Contact your spouse sometime during the day and ask how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.
Psalm 139: 17-18 “How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you.”
Day 5:
Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them.
Proverbs 27:14 “Whoever blesses his neighbor with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, will be counted as cursing.”
Day 6:
Choose to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation.
Proverbs 16:32 “Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.”
Day 7:
On a sheet of paper, write out positive things about your spouse. At some point during the day, pick a positive attribute from the list and thank your spouse for having the characteristic.
I Corinthians 13:7 “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
Day 8:
Share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.
Song of Solomon 8:6 “Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave.Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the Lord.”
Day 9:
Think of a way to greet your spouse today to reflect your love for them, and then do it with a smile and enthusiasm.
I Peter 5:14 “Greet one another with the kiss of love. Peace to all of you who are in Christ.”
Day 10:
Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse.
Romans 5:8 “but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Day 11:
What need does your spouse have that you could meet today? Example: Choose a gesture that says “I love you” and do it with a smile.
Ephesians 5:28 “In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”
Day 12:
Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse.
Philippians 2:4 “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
Day 13:
Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement and resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.
Mark 3:25 “And if a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand.”
Day 14:
Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse.
Ecclesiastes 9:9 “Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain life that he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun.”
Day 15:
Choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above your normal routine.
I Peter 3:7 “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”
Day 16:
Pray for three specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse’s life and in your marriage.
3 John 2 “Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul.”
Day 17:
Determine to guard your mate’s secrets and pray for them.
Proverbs 17:9 “Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends.”
Day 18:
Prepare a special dinner at home and focus this time on getting to know your spouse better.
Proverbs 3:13 “Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding,”
Day 19:
Ask God to show you where you stand with him, and ask for the strength and grace to settle your eternal destination.
I John 4:7 “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.”
Day 20:
Dare to take God at his word and trust Jesus Christ for salvation.
Romans 5:6 “For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.”
Day 21:
Make time to pray and read your bible today.
Isaiah 58:11 “And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.”
Day 22:
Choose to be committed to love even if your spouse has lost most of their interest in receiving it.
Hosea 2:20 “I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the Lord.”
Day 23:
Remove anything that is hindering your relationship, stealing your affections and turning your heart away from your spouse.
I Corinthians 13:7 “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
Day 24:
Identify every object of lust in your life and remove it.
I John 2:17 “And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.”
Day 25:
If there is anything you haven’t forgiven in your spouse, forgive it today.
2 Corinthians 2:10 “Anyone whom you forgive, I also forgive. Indeed, what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, has been for your sake in the presence of Christ…”
Day 26:
Ask for God’s forgiveness for your areas of wrongdoing, then humble yourself enough to admit them to your spouse.
Romans 2:1 “Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things.”
Day 27:
Think of one area where your spouse has told you you’re expecting too much, and tell them you’re sorry for being so hard on them about it.
Psalm 25:20 “Oh, guard my soul, and deliver me! Let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you.”
Day 28:
Purpose to do what you can to meet the greatest need in your spouse’s life right now.
I John 3:16 “By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.”
Day 29:
Before you see your spouse again today, pray for them by name and for their needs.
Ephesians 6:7 “rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man…”
Day 30:
Ask the Lord to reveal anything in your own heart that is threatening oneness with your spouse and, if appropriate, discuss it openly and seek God for unity.
John 17:11 “And I am no longer in the world, but they are in the world, and I am coming to you. Holy Father, keep them in your name, which you have given me, that they may be one, even as we are one.”
Day 31:
Commit to God and your spouse to make your marriage the top priority over every other human relationship.
Genesis 2:24 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
Day 32:
If at all possible, try to initiate sex with your spouse today (in a way that honors them).
I Corinthians 7:3 “The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.”
Day 33:
Tell your spouse that you desire to include them in your upcoming decisions, and that you need their perspective and counsel.
Ecclesiastes 4:11 “Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone?”
Day 34:
Verbally commend your spouse about a recent time when they demonstrated Christian character in a noticeable way.
I Corinthians 13:6 “[love] …it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.”
Day 35:
Find a Christian marriage mentor. Ask God to direct your decisions and discernment.
Proverbs 15:22 “Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.”
Day 36:
Commit to reading the bible every day. If your spouse is open to it, see if they will commit to reading with you.
Psalm 119:105 “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.”
Day 37:
Ask your spouse if you can begin praying together.
Matthew 18:19 “Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.”
Day 38:
Ask yourself what your spouse would want if it was obtainable, then map out a plan for meeting some (if not all) of their desires.
Psalm 37:4 “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”
Day 39:
Spend time in personal prayer, then write a letter of commitment and resolve to your spouse. Leave it in a place where your mate will find it.
I Corinthians 13:8 “Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.”
Day 40:
Write out a renewal of your vows and place them in your home.
Ruth 1:16 “But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God.”
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We watched the movie. It was a blessing to us. We want this study material for us and for our church young couple. Can we get a copy of the same?
Thank you.
Gnanasekaran, a.a.
Pastor
Living Word Missionary Church
1783 ‘I’ Block, 31st Street
Kambar colony, Anna Nagar West
Chennai 600040
I wish I had read this last year… It really has touched me to the deep.
Although I’m not a Christian, I respect the Bible verses which inspire the 40 dares.
Have a great day.
Altari,
Thanks for commenting on the Love Dare Challenges. They are easy, yet hard. God’s Truths always reach us in a place where no one else can. He knows us well. I pray you will benefit in surprising ways from them. Have a blessed day, and we hope you’ll visit often!
Ciao,
Debi
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Thank you for posting this, I watched the movie shortly after I had heard about it (on 19kids and counting). Although the acting lacked, and there was more religion in it then was my taste, I liked the film understanding it was a movie that I had expected to be religious even though I am not.
I wanted the daily instruction, but couldn’t bring myself to buy the book that is sold since it comes with extras that with my lack of religion or faith are useless to me.
So I thank you for writing out this list, as I write it by hand in a leather bound notebook to use.
Some I need to come up with other instructions for the day like “Dare to take God at his word and trust Jesus Christ for salvation.” Since that is rather meaningless to me.
though please no one take my comment offensively, I am not against people trusting in their lord, it is just something I was not raised with and something I don’t feel myself at all and nor does my partner.
Shelley,
You’re welcome. We’re so glad you’ve found this page to be helpful. We appreciate your comment!
Debi
Hallelujah…praise the lord.ever since I saw the movie.I have searched for the 40 rules of love dare.hm,I must say reading all about it again brings joy and fufillment to me nd my household.
We’re so glad you’ve found them. Thanks for stopping by – we hope you’ll visit often!
Lord pls help my mariage
We believe He hears such prayers. We agree with you and thank you for stopping by.
I haven’t seen the movie so excuse me if I’m the only one who doesn’t know this – do they need to be done in order or just on a day that seems appropriate? Example – What if my husband and I do not have a disagreement on that day?
Hey Gennifer,
I think they’re supposed to be done in order because some of the days build on what you did the day before. But in a case like this, I would simply think of something to do that day instead, like pray for them, or show an unexpected kindness.
Well my Husband an I have been together
For 9 years married 7 he is a police officer
An I do find myself fighting a lonely battle
I don’t know much about church but I know
I believe in the lord an his Blessing so I
Plan to challenge my marrage with the
40 day plan in hopes it will open my heart
To the word of god an to understand
The man I love an respect an care for..
Thank u so much , Lucia
Lucia,
Thank you for your open and honest comment. I’m praying you will find this challenge not only helpful for your marriage, but that it will draw you closer to the Lord who deeply loves and cares for you. This is why He came to live on the earth among us, to set us free from our bondage to sin. I want to encourage you to read your Bible if you have one, beginning in the book of John. You will discover some wonderful truths about who God is. If you don’t have a Bible, please let me know and we’ll make sure to send you one.
God bless you on your journey.
Debi
Amazingly enough, I met Tom and Debi Walter while working at the Ritz Cartlon in Sarasota, Fl where they were guests.
When I first introduced myself to them, we never talked about our personal lives of course, since I was at work. Little did I know, when they were about to leave the property, I wished them the best to them with a warm farewell, and when Tom extended his business card and explained a bit about what it was about, I could not believe it. I, myself was going through a separation with my partner of 12 years for the past month. If this encounter was not a Act of God, what was it then ?
I’m so grateful to have met them, and to all of you out there, who have doubts about God’s actions in your lives, please reconsider. There are signs of his actions that you probably never noticed or maybe you did, but in any case He is here for us, to help us for whatever hardships we might go through.
He is here to guide us through the Bible. The only thing He asks in return is our Love to Him !
Frederic
Frederic,
It was so good to chat with you for that brief time yesterday.
We are praying for you that God will draw you near to Him and shower you with the comfort only He can give. The Bible says, “He is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Keep in touch!
Bon Jour,
Tom and Debi
i like what i have read, i am not yet married but i will give this to my husband when we get married.
What an excellent idea – thank you for sharing!
Blessings to you, Julie.
Debi
I randomly came across this film for the first time last night while stumbling across an inspirational web site for firefighter wives. My husband is a fire fighter and this film spoke directly to me. We are only three months into our marriage and still in our honeymoon phase. I started working through day number one today in order to establish habits of always be mindful of my love and respect for him. I’m ecstatic about further developing our love and commitment to keep each other and God priorities in our marriage.
What a great idea to start doing the right things in your marriage from the beginning. You’re getting quite a head-start on a great future. Thanks for sharing!
Hello my name is Angela Cowan and my husband and I Have been struggling a lot. Whenever i saw the movie firer proof i really enjoyed it so very much. I liked the 40 day challeng that was in the movie. I am going to start the 40 day challenge with my husband and i and see if it will help us in our relationship.
Angela, We’re so glad you’re willing to invest in your marriage in this way. We pray you and your husband will see great benefits as a result. Let us know how it goes…
Wow. This is amazing! This is the type of love that you do not see in the world today. I am very happy that your blog is promoting a deeper love, the love of God. There is no greater love. I am excited to have found this blog and I look forward to reading it and applying it to my daily life.
Highest Regards,
Diane Townsel
Thanks, Diane. It’s so good to meet you. We pray our posts will provide encouragement to you and your marriage.
Blessings,
Debi
Watching the film as I type this. Baring an act of God’s mercy, it is too late for my marriage as my wife left me about 6 months ago and has made it clear there can be no reconciliation for us. I know I have not been a great husband for a while. My wife suffered mentally and spiritually for a long time and I tried my best to help her through it – neither of us knew that I was also suffering with depression for a long time, and in particular the last 2 years. I retreated inside myself and missed so many opportunities to tell her how much I love her. She’s lost her faith, and her love for me. I know that God still holds us both to the covenant we made 15 years ago, but most of the 40 challenges are impossible for me to do while she won’t even talk to me.
Like the man in the film, I have been operating in the assumption that our marriage has been fine. I think we are past the point of no return, don’t want it to be, but she does.
If you are praying types, please lift us to God for his mercy.
Andy,
We are praying, and we will continue to pray for God to work miracles in your life personally and in your marriage. What seems impossible now is not for God.
Take care,
Tom and Debi
thank you. I know that all things are possible with God, but at the moment I don’t think there is anything I *can* do. I cannot say for certain that I still love my wife (certainly as I should), but if God allows me the chance, I wish to honour the covenant I made with Him and her, and be the man I should have been
Andy, The important thing is that you’re posturing your heart right before God, and trusting the outcome to Him. He cares more than you may realize. Keep in touch & we’ll continue to pray. Tom
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i loved the movie from the first time i watched it. even though i am not married yet, it helps me to realise that marriage takes more of the grace of God that just romantic feelings when it begins. i loved the fact that you included the part about Caleb not being able to love his wife from his heart till he gave his life to Christ. that is so true. only God can keep us loving people even when we dont feel like it. keep up with the good work. marriage was God s idea and there is no better way to talk about it than from His perspective. God bless you!
Thank you for the excellent comment, Doreen. So glad you’re thinking this way before you are married.
enjoyed the movie and decided to try the 40days . wish me luck, and thank you for making this page. me and my husband have been married for hmmm , 23yrs and lived together 5 years before that… so i guess we are in a loveless marriage, don’t ever remember if we married for love or just for our kids! Kinda sad really just thinking about it! but all we can do is hold on to hope and faith and try all we got to make something we want work!
Elaine,
We pray you will sense fresh grace in your relationship as you seek to love your husband in the way God intended.
Blessings,
Debi
I have watched the movie 5 times and every time I see I learn something knew. Me and my husband have been married for 14 yrs. and in the beginning it was wonderful. Until the forth year of our marriage he cheated on me and had another child which is 8 yrs old know. I stayed in the marriage afterward cause I love him dearly, but I have to admit it hasn’t been easy. The child calls me momma and I love him with all my heart. But at days I feel like my husband doesn’t understand how has scared our marriage. We both love The Lord. But at times I feel that he doesn’t understand me at all we have older children and there great. It’s just me I feel empty inside and I don’t know how much longer I can stay with him . Please keep us in your prayer
Sheila,
We pray God will comfort you as you cry out to Him for help and change in your marriage. Thank you for sharing…God gives grace to the humble.
Blessings,
Debi
I had seen this movie last year, and loved everything about it. Over the weekend while out of town on a three day trip, my wife admitted to me she had had an affair a few months back. She broke down to me crying, stating it was the biggest mistake that she had ever committed. At this time, I have all these feelings inside of me from anger, hate, revenge, sadness, and guilt. I have extreme anger toward the individual who she was with. I have told her that I forgive her, but I am having a hard time accepting this news. I am also having feelings of guilt, as I too am a first responder, that works multiple jobs, with different shifts, that keeps me more out on the front lines, than more so being a supporting husband for my wife. I let my guard down, believing that bringing home the bacon to keep us financially stable was being a good husband. Instead, she has been alone and continued distant, which I never even realized until it was too late. The verbal arguments have been numerous, so much, that we have both threatened to seperate to initiate cool down periods. Today, it came to a head to where I went out on a drive and cried out to God asking for his forgiveness and guidance in this situation. We are scheduled to start marriage counseling this week. I have printed off the list and will start initiaiting it immediately into our daily lives. I ask for continued prayer where both my wife and I can find peace during this difficult time, and that I am able to remove my hatred and forgive my wife and the other party involved.
Matt, We’re so sorry to hear what you’re going through, but you’re doing all the right things. The fact that your wife told you is a huge step in the right direction and so is the counseling. Your feelings are normal and will take time to process. We pray you and your wife will continue in the way of restoration of your relationship. Remember you aren’t enemies. You’re on the same team facing a common enemy who would like nothing more than to destroy your marriage. Thank you for reaching out for prayer. It is a privilege to pray for those who ask. Tom and Debi
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Wow:)
PTL
My husband just left d house,leaving me and the children without looking back 4 yrs ago how is this applicable to me?
Kemi,
We have seen God work miracles in marriages that seemed dead. Cry out to God and trust Him to lead you. We know how hard it is to wait, but our prayer is that you will sense God’s comfort.
Tom and Debi
I don’t know what to say, but I just wanna thank yu guys, I really learnt a lot. Though I’m not yet married but it really changed my view on marriage. Finaly may God continue to bless you.
Thank you for the post of the dares. Back in August 2012 I found out my his and was having an affair : ( one month before our one year marriage anniversary. It crushed me literally to death Inside. I felt so betrayed and hurt because of his selfish actions I chose to forgive but didn’t really “forgive”. I went through several months, and still do, of pain and hurt causes by the facts of the Incident. It has been a very long bumpy road for us. Since the truth came out we have experienced two miscarriages and during the second I went through it alone as hi
And I were separated. I have recently decided to try 100% one more time. So here goes the dares. Pray for us as I believe this is our last chance at what we both really want.
Oh, Marissa, our heart hurts with you. We pray God will help you use these 40 dares to rekindle what’s been lost. We’ve seen God work miracles in relationships following an adulterous affair. We pray He will do so in yours.
Let us know how it’s going,
Debi
Thank you for your kind words, theo. We are thrilled to hear how God is helping you see marriage from His design.