Fireproof Your Marriage


Welcome to The Romantic Vineyard! What began as a ministry for our local church has turned into a means of encouragement for marriages worldwide. We pray our site will provide the help, hope and wisdom your marriage needs to glorify God for as long as you both shall live. Sign up to receive our posts by e-mail, follow us on Facebook and Twitter. We’ll provide daily Healthy Marriage Tips as reminders to be intentional in romancing your spouse.

Photo from the movie, Fireproof

Many of you have probably heard about or even seen the recent movie, Fireproof, about one man’s story to save his marriage.  It is a powerful story worth seeing.  It it now available on DVD, and we couldn’t recommend it more highly.  In the movie the lead character, played by Kirk Cameron, realizes that his marriage is on the brink of divorce.  He is challenged by his father to take part in a 40 day Love Dare Challenge.  Reluctantly he agrees, and the movie tells his story.  The movie is based on a book by the same name by Eric Wilson (Author), Alex Kendrick (Author), Stephen Kendrick (Author).

We would like to make this love dare challenge available to any of you who would like to participate.  Below are the 40 love dare challenges.  This can be done by the husband for the wife, as in the movie, or by the wife towards the husband.  Either way it is sure to help your marriage grow, maybe even in areas you didn’t realize needed strengthening.

_________________________________________________________

Day 1:

Resolve to say nothing negative about your spouse today.
Ephesians 4:2with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,”

Day 2:

Do at least one unexpected gesture to your spouse as an act of kindness.
Ephesians 4:32  “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

Day 3:

Buy your spouse something that says, “I was thinking about you today.”
Romans 12:10  “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.”

Day 4:

Contact your spouse sometime during the day and ask how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.
Psalm 139: 17-18  “How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!  If I would count them, they are more than the sand.  I awake, and I am still with you.”

Day 5:

Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them.
Proverbs 27:14  “Whoever blesses his neighbor with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, will be counted as cursing.”

Day 6:

Choose to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation.
Proverbs 16:32  “Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.”

Day 7:

On a sheet of paper, write out positive things about your spouse. At some point during the day, pick a positive attribute from the list and thank your spouse for having the characteristic.
I Corinthians 13:7 “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

Day 8:

Share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.
Song of Solomon 8:6  “Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave.Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the Lord.”

Day 9:

Think of a way to greet your spouse today to reflect your love for them, and then do it with a smile and enthusiasm.
I Peter 5:14  “Greet one another with the kiss of love.  Peace to all of you who are in Christ.”

Day 10:

Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse.
Romans 5:8  “but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

Day 11:

What need does your spouse have that you could meet today? Example: Choose a gesture that says “I love you” and do it with a smile.
Ephesians 5:28 “In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”

Day 12:

Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse.
Philippians 2:4 “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

Day 13:

Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement and resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.
Mark 3:25 “And if a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand.”

Day 14:

Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse.
Ecclesiastes 9:9 “Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain life that he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun.”

Day 15:

Choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above your normal routine.
I Peter 3:7 “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”

Day 16:

Pray for three specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse’s life and in your marriage.
3 John 2 “Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul.”

Day 17:

Determine to guard your mate’s secrets and pray for them.
Proverbs 17:9 “Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends.”

Day 18:

Prepare a special dinner at home and focus this time on getting to know your spouse better.
Proverbs 3:13 “Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding,”

Day 19:

Ask God to show you where you stand with him, and ask for the strength and grace to settle your eternal destination.
I John 4:7 “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.”

Day 20:

Dare to take God at his word and trust Jesus Christ for salvation.
Romans 5:6 “For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.”

Day 21:

Make time to pray and read your bible today.
Isaiah 58:11 “And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.”

Day 22:

Choose to be committed to love even if your spouse has lost most of their interest in receiving it.
Hosea 2:20 “I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the Lord.”

Day 23:

Remove anything that is hindering your relationship, stealing your affections and turning your heart away from your spouse.
I Corinthians 13:7 “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

Day 24:

Identify every object of lust in your life and remove it.
I John 2:17 “And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.”

Day 25:

If there is anything you haven’t forgiven in your spouse, forgive it today.
2 Corinthians 2:10 “Anyone whom you forgive, I also forgive. Indeed, what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, has been for your sake in the presence of Christ…”

Day 26:

Ask for God’s forgiveness for your areas of wrongdoing, then humble yourself enough to admit them to your spouse.
Romans 2:1 “Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things.”

Day 27:

Think of one area where your spouse has told you you’re expecting too much, and tell them you’re sorry for being so hard on them about it.
Psalm 25:20 “Oh, guard my soul, and deliver me!  Let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you.”

Day 28:

Purpose to do what you can to meet the greatest need in your spouse’s life right now.
I John 3:16 “By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.”

Day 29:

Before you see your spouse again today, pray for them by name and for their needs.
Ephesians 6:7 “rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man…”

Day 30:

Ask the Lord to reveal anything in your own heart that is threatening oneness with your spouse and, if appropriate, discuss it openly and seek God for unity.
John 17:11And I am no longer in the world, but they are in the world, and I am coming to you. Holy Father, keep them in your name, which you have given me, that they may be one, even as we are one.”

Day 31:

Commit to God and your spouse to make your marriage the top priority over every other human relationship.
Genesis 2:24 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

Day 32:

If at all possible, try to initiate sex with your spouse today (in a way that honors them).
I Corinthians 7:3 “The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.”

Day 33:

Tell your spouse that you desire to include them in your upcoming decisions, and that you need their perspective and counsel.
Ecclesiastes 4:11 “Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone?”

Day 34:

Verbally commend your spouse about a recent time when they demonstrated Christian character in a noticeable way.
I Corinthians 13:6 “[love] …it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.”

Day 35:

Find a Christian marriage mentor. Ask God to direct your decisions and discernment.
Proverbs 15:22 “Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.”

Day 36:

Commit to reading the bible every day. If your spouse is open to it, see if they will commit to reading with you.
Psalm 119:105  “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.”

Day 37:

Ask your spouse if you can begin praying together.
Matthew 18:19  Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.”

Day 38:

Ask yourself what your spouse would want if it was obtainable, then map out a plan for meeting some (if not all) of their desires.
Psalm 37:4  “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

Day 39:

Spend time in personal prayer, then write a letter of commitment and resolve to your spouse. Leave it in a place where your mate will find it.
I Corinthians 13:8 “Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.”

Day 40:

Write out a renewal of your vows and place them in your home.

Ruth 1:16 “But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God.”

132 Responses to Fireproof Your Marriage

  1. Pingback: Freebie Fridays « The Romantic Vineyard

  2. We watched the movie. It was a blessing to us. We want this study material for us and for our church young couple. Can we get a copy of the same?
    Thank you.
    Gnanasekaran, a.a.
    Pastor
    Living Word Missionary Church
    1783 ‘I’ Block, 31st Street
    Kambar colony, Anna Nagar West
    Chennai 600040

  3. altari says:

    I wish I had read this last year… It really has touched me to the deep.
    Although I’m not a Christian, I respect the Bible verses which inspire the 40 dares.
    Have a great day.

    • Debi Walter says:

      Altari,
      Thanks for commenting on the Love Dare Challenges. They are easy, yet hard. God’s Truths always reach us in a place where no one else can. He knows us well. I pray you will benefit in surprising ways from them. Have a blessed day, and we hope you’ll visit often!
      Ciao,
      Debi

  4. Pingback: 2010 in Review | The Romantic Vineyard

  5. shelley says:

    Thank you for posting this, I watched the movie shortly after I had heard about it (on 19kids and counting). Although the acting lacked, and there was more religion in it then was my taste, I liked the film understanding it was a movie that I had expected to be religious even though I am not.

    I wanted the daily instruction, but couldn’t bring myself to buy the book that is sold since it comes with extras that with my lack of religion or faith are useless to me.

    So I thank you for writing out this list, as I write it by hand in a leather bound notebook to use.
    Some I need to come up with other instructions for the day like “Dare to take God at his word and trust Jesus Christ for salvation.” Since that is rather meaningless to me.

    though please no one take my comment offensively, I am not against people trusting in their lord, it is just something I was not raised with and something I don’t feel myself at all and nor does my partner.

    • Debi Walter says:

      Shelley,

      You’re welcome. We’re so glad you’ve found this page to be helpful. We appreciate your comment!
      Debi

    • Shelley- Placing God first in your marriage will be the single most important thing you can do to strengthen it. God provides a distinct “recipe” for a healthy, long lasting marriage. Unfortunately, society does not. Wouldn’t it be nice to have some guidelines that you both agree on. Give it a chance- I was once an atheist too. My life is much fuller now that I live with purpose.

  6. ify says:

    Hallelujah…praise the lord.ever since I saw the movie.I have searched for the 40 rules of love dare.hm,I must say reading all about it again brings joy and fufillment to me nd my household.

  7. 0seghale Uche says:

    Lord pls help my mariage

  8. Gennifer says:

    I haven’t seen the movie so excuse me if I’m the only one who doesn’t know this – do they need to be done in order or just on a day that seems appropriate? Example – What if my husband and I do not have a disagreement on that day?

    • Debi Walter says:

      Hey Gennifer,
      I think they’re supposed to be done in order because some of the days build on what you did the day before. But in a case like this, I would simply think of something to do that day instead, like pray for them, or show an unexpected kindness.

  9. Lucia Gill says:

    Well my Husband an I have been together
    For 9 years married 7 he is a police officer
    An I do find myself fighting a lonely battle
    I don’t know much about church but I know
    I believe in the lord an his Blessing so I
    Plan to challenge my marrage with the
    40 day plan in hopes it will open my heart
    To the word of god an to understand
    The man I love an respect an care for..
    Thank u so much , Lucia

    • Debi Walter says:

      Lucia,
      Thank you for your open and honest comment. I’m praying you will find this challenge not only helpful for your marriage, but that it will draw you closer to the Lord who deeply loves and cares for you. This is why He came to live on the earth among us, to set us free from our bondage to sin. I want to encourage you to read your Bible if you have one, beginning in the book of John. You will discover some wonderful truths about who God is. If you don’t have a Bible, please let me know and we’ll make sure to send you one.
      God bless you on your journey.
      Debi

  10. Frederic Palluel says:

    Amazingly enough, I met Tom and Debi Walter while working at the Ritz Cartlon in Sarasota, Fl where they were guests.
    When I first introduced myself to them, we never talked about our personal lives of course, since I was at work. Little did I know, when they were about to leave the property, I wished them the best to them with a warm farewell, and when Tom extended his business card and explained a bit about what it was about, I could not believe it. I, myself was going through a separation with my partner of 12 years for the past month. If this encounter was not a Act of God, what was it then ?
    I’m so grateful to have met them, and to all of you out there, who have doubts about God’s actions in your lives, please reconsider. There are signs of his actions that you probably never noticed or maybe you did, but in any case He is here for us, to help us for whatever hardships we might go through.
    He is here to guide us through the Bible. The only thing He asks in return is our Love to Him !
    Frederic

    • Debi Walter says:

      Frederic,

      It was so good to chat with you for that brief time yesterday. :-) We are praying for you that God will draw you near to Him and shower you with the comfort only He can give. The Bible says, “He is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Keep in touch!

      Bon Jour,
      Tom and Debi

  11. julie says:

    i like what i have read, i am not yet married but i will give this to my husband when we get married.

  12. Anonymous says:

    I randomly came across this film for the first time last night while stumbling across an inspirational web site for firefighter wives. My husband is a fire fighter and this film spoke directly to me. We are only three months into our marriage and still in our honeymoon phase. I started working through day number one today in order to establish habits of always be mindful of my love and respect for him. I’m ecstatic about further developing our love and commitment to keep each other and God priorities in our marriage.

  13. Anonymous says:

    Hello my name is Angela Cowan and my husband and I Have been struggling a lot. Whenever i saw the movie firer proof i really enjoyed it so very much. I liked the 40 day challeng that was in the movie. I am going to start the 40 day challenge with my husband and i and see if it will help us in our relationship.

  14. Wow. This is amazing! This is the type of love that you do not see in the world today. I am very happy that your blog is promoting a deeper love, the love of God. There is no greater love. I am excited to have found this blog and I look forward to reading it and applying it to my daily life.

    Highest Regards,
    Diane Townsel

  15. Andy says:

    Watching the film as I type this. Baring an act of God’s mercy, it is too late for my marriage as my wife left me about 6 months ago and has made it clear there can be no reconciliation for us. I know I have not been a great husband for a while. My wife suffered mentally and spiritually for a long time and I tried my best to help her through it – neither of us knew that I was also suffering with depression for a long time, and in particular the last 2 years. I retreated inside myself and missed so many opportunities to tell her how much I love her. She’s lost her faith, and her love for me. I know that God still holds us both to the covenant we made 15 years ago, but most of the 40 challenges are impossible for me to do while she won’t even talk to me.
    Like the man in the film, I have been operating in the assumption that our marriage has been fine. I think we are past the point of no return, don’t want it to be, but she does.
    If you are praying types, please lift us to God for his mercy.

    • Debi Walter says:

      Andy,
      We are praying, and we will continue to pray for God to work miracles in your life personally and in your marriage. What seems impossible now is not for God.
      Take care,
      Tom and Debi

      • Andy says:

        thank you. I know that all things are possible with God, but at the moment I don’t think there is anything I *can* do. I cannot say for certain that I still love my wife (certainly as I should), but if God allows me the chance, I wish to honour the covenant I made with Him and her, and be the man I should have been

      • Debi Walter says:

        Andy, The important thing is that you’re posturing your heart right before God, and trusting the outcome to Him. He cares more than you may realize. Keep in touch & we’ll continue to pray. Tom

        Sent from my iPhone

    • Andy-
      It is never too late for your marriage. Grow in God and become attractive again to your wife. He will see you through the hard times. Never give up. You don’t know the direction your marriage could turn. He works all things out for good. Pray for your wife also.

  16. doreen says:

    i loved the movie from the first time i watched it. even though i am not married yet, it helps me to realise that marriage takes more of the grace of God that just romantic feelings when it begins. i loved the fact that you included the part about Caleb not being able to love his wife from his heart till he gave his life to Christ. that is so true. only God can keep us loving people even when we dont feel like it. keep up with the good work. marriage was God s idea and there is no better way to talk about it than from His perspective. God bless you!

  17. Elaine Arellano Allison says:

    enjoyed the movie and decided to try the 40days . wish me luck, and thank you for making this page. me and my husband have been married for hmmm , 23yrs and lived together 5 years before that… so i guess we are in a loveless marriage, don’t ever remember if we married for love or just for our kids! Kinda sad really just thinking about it! but all we can do is hold on to hope and faith and try all we got to make something we want work!

    • Debi Walter says:

      Elaine,
      We pray you will sense fresh grace in your relationship as you seek to love your husband in the way God intended.
      Blessings,
      Debi

    • Elaine- Grab some books by Jimmy Evans, they will change your heart. Love is a daily choice so you are only in a “loveless marriage” if you keep it that way. You loved your children before they were born and you can do the same with each other! Create it!

  18. Sheila says:

    I have watched the movie 5 times and every time I see I learn something knew. Me and my husband have been married for 14 yrs. and in the beginning it was wonderful. Until the forth year of our marriage he cheated on me and had another child which is 8 yrs old know. I stayed in the marriage afterward cause I love him dearly, but I have to admit it hasn’t been easy. The child calls me momma and I love him with all my heart. But at days I feel like my husband doesn’t understand how has scared our marriage. We both love The Lord. But at times I feel that he doesn’t understand me at all we have older children and there great. It’s just me I feel empty inside and I don’t know how much longer I can stay with him . Please keep us in your prayer

  19. Matt says:

    I had seen this movie last year, and loved everything about it. Over the weekend while out of town on a three day trip, my wife admitted to me she had had an affair a few months back. She broke down to me crying, stating it was the biggest mistake that she had ever committed. At this time, I have all these feelings inside of me from anger, hate, revenge, sadness, and guilt. I have extreme anger toward the individual who she was with. I have told her that I forgive her, but I am having a hard time accepting this news. I am also having feelings of guilt, as I too am a first responder, that works multiple jobs, with different shifts, that keeps me more out on the front lines, than more so being a supporting husband for my wife. I let my guard down, believing that bringing home the bacon to keep us financially stable was being a good husband. Instead, she has been alone and continued distant, which I never even realized until it was too late. The verbal arguments have been numerous, so much, that we have both threatened to seperate to initiate cool down periods. Today, it came to a head to where I went out on a drive and cried out to God asking for his forgiveness and guidance in this situation. We are scheduled to start marriage counseling this week. I have printed off the list and will start initiaiting it immediately into our daily lives. I ask for continued prayer where both my wife and I can find peace during this difficult time, and that I am able to remove my hatred and forgive my wife and the other party involved.

    • Debi Walter says:

      Matt, We’re so sorry to hear what you’re going through, but you’re doing all the right things. The fact that your wife told you is a huge step in the right direction and so is the counseling. Your feelings are normal and will take time to process. We pray you and your wife will continue in the way of restoration of your relationship. Remember you aren’t enemies. You’re on the same team facing a common enemy who would like nothing more than to destroy your marriage. Thank you for reaching out for prayer. It is a privilege to pray for those who ask. Tom and Debi

      Sent from my iPhone

  20. Marisol says:

    Wow:)
    PTL

  21. Oluwakemi says:

    My husband just left d house,leaving me and the children without looking back 4 yrs ago how is this applicable to me?

    • Debi Walter says:

      Kemi,
      We have seen God work miracles in marriages that seemed dead. Cry out to God and trust Him to lead you. We know how hard it is to wait, but our prayer is that you will sense God’s comfort.
      Tom and Debi

  22. theo Washaya says:

    I don’t know what to say, but I just wanna thank yu guys, I really learnt a lot. Though I’m not yet married but it really changed my view on marriage. Finaly may God continue to bless you.

    • Marissa says:

      Thank you for the post of the dares. Back in August 2012 I found out my his and was having an affair : ( one month before our one year marriage anniversary. It crushed me literally to death Inside. I felt so betrayed and hurt because of his selfish actions I chose to forgive but didn’t really “forgive”. I went through several months, and still do, of pain and hurt causes by the facts of the Incident. It has been a very long bumpy road for us. Since the truth came out we have experienced two miscarriages and during the second I went through it alone as hi
      And I were separated. I have recently decided to try 100% one more time. So here goes the dares. Pray for us as I believe this is our last chance at what we both really want.

      • Debi Walter says:

        Oh, Marissa, our heart hurts with you. We pray God will help you use these 40 dares to rekindle what’s been lost. We’ve seen God work miracles in relationships following an adulterous affair. We pray He will do so in yours.
        Let us know how it’s going,
        Debi

    • Debi Walter says:

      Thank you for your kind words, theo. We are thrilled to hear how God is helping you see marriage from His design.

  23. Pamla Naidoo says:

    Wat a movie reali I watched it soo many times n every time I watch it again it just tells me that god is for us n that he will bless n guide us in all we do n say …and a life without god is meaningless

  24. Meagan says:

    Hi! Would you mind if I share your blog with
    my myspace group? There’s a lot of people that I think would really enjoy your content. Please let me know. Thanks

    • Debi Walter says:

      Meagan,
      Not at all. We want as many marriages to benefit from biblical teaching on the marriage relationship as possible. And we’re honored that you’ve chosen The Romantic Vineyard to highlight. There are so many excellent marriage bloggers doing what we do. You can find them by going to Christian Marriage Bloggers Association. Thanks Meagan. Let us know if we can help in anyway.
      Blessings,
      Debi

  25. charmaine says:

    wow…k dit neergeskruif en gaan dit doen.

  26. Alan says:

    has anyone done this and it actually work, Im so scared
    im going to lose my wife and im willing to do this and want to but im curious if it does work

    • Debi Walter says:

      Alan,
      We have heard of marriages being greatly affected in a positive way by the 40 day love dare. We encourage you to give it your best shot–you have nothing to lose by trying and everything to gain if it helps. We’re praying it is exactly what you need to turn your marriage around.
      God bless you as you purpose to save your relationship.
      Tom and Debi
      P.S. Let us know how it goes.

      • Alan says:

        So far I am on day 4 and even with the fact I was cheated on and found out at day two, I decided holding anger and hatred in my heart for her was counter productive. So I decided to ultimately forgive her no strings attached for the affair. That stuff has happened again and still I choose to forgive. She has been with me and never knew what life was like outside of being a mother at a young age and like Kirk in the movie I had a issue with porn and now understand why the woman was so upset at him for it. I never realized when you look at stuff like that it has the same emotional scar and pain that having a full blown affair does. I have not given up but do wonder where my motives lie. I have been sticking to the steps and am even trying to go and keep doing each daily on top of it as a new one is added. This is hard for me since she still wants the divorce and now wants me to move out for “space”. I fear that if I do this she will continue to cheat and all of this is for naught. Any suggestions on this from anyone whether male or female who knows this feeling. I know i wasn’t attentive enough in the past emotionally to her and haven’t respected her in other ways and i am trying to make up for it but not just to appease her. I know this is something that deeply scares me that I am trying this but also that I know i may still lose her in the long run. She wants to stay friends so that’s what my goal is at the moment, but I still want to fix myself so she can see she can rely on me and trust and love me again as she used to.

  27. Debi Walter says:

    Alan,
    Only God can help you discern where your “motives lie” as you said, and he will bring you to a full understanding if you’re asking Him to do so. This love dare is really more about God changing you than it is about you changing your marriage. I just read in the Bible the Scripture in Corinthians where Paul said…I planted, Apollos watered, but God caused the growth. I believe what you’re doing each day is planting seeds of faith in your relationship. Trust God to help you continue and for the ability to hear His voice speaking to your heart in the process.

    Thanks for the update. We’re praying for you both.
    Tom and Debi

  28. Alan says:

    I am trying hard Debbie I am. Im trying not to give up I know what the dare is more for. You change your way and life and it inspires the other to trust and believe. This morning she let me do something nice for her I didnt ask I just did cause I know the area has been hurting her so I massaged it for her. She stayed like that for half and hour or so and let me. She knows I am also doing this program and trying my hardest to stick to it and mocks me for it.I keep praying for the strength to overcome this but I am ready to give in and just say forget it cause it hurts to much her doing this.

    • Alan- keep at it. Make you get help for the pornography and truly give it up. This will let her know more than anything that you value her and that she is your one and only. You can even start reading “Every Man’s Battle” to help! Pray, pray, pray! Lock up all your devices with Covenant Eyes and let her get your accountability reports. You will be healed!

  29. kristi says:

    need prayers for my marriage. i am on day 5.

    • Debi Walter says:

      Kristi,
      I just went to the Father and prayed that He would soften your husband’s heart as you purpose to love him through these daily challenges. I also asked that He silence the whispers of the enemy that would discredit what you’re doing. I believe God will help you continue through each day. It won’t be easy, but keep your eyes and focus on how you are glorifying God and this will fuel your motivation on days when it may not seem to be working.
      Keep me updated so I can continue to pray.
      Debi

  30. kristi says:

    Thank you for your prayers!God will get the glory!Im on day 9 and this love dare is already working. My husband said last night for the last week ive been the woman he fell in love with.God works miracles!i will forever be changed!thank you in advance for continued prayers!

  31. jll says:

    I’m so crushed for the past year I have become an alcoholic and have treated my wife so badly from pushing her away to putting her down all because of my selfishness my pride and my lack of love from my family I’ve hated my self for so long and was so blind that I did not see that I was hurting the one person that have been there for me who has loved me even if I was treating her so badly she still stood by my side up until a few days ago the said she finally had enough she says she loves me still but that she is just really mad at me she is a Christian women and takes are wedding vows vary seriously I do also I just got wrapped up in my own hate and was only focused on me and my own problems that I became a poison to my marriage I have made the decision to quit my drinking and get to the root of my problems by confronting them instead of hiding behind alcohol that will tear even the most happiest of homes apart and I’m also going to do this 40 day dare not only to show my wife I love her but to change my self also and I’m going to start reading my bible and start having a relationship with the lord and my wife. I just pray that its not to late I’ve loved this woman since 2nd grade. Remember with god all things are possible god bless you all

    • Debi Walter says:

      Jll,
      It is good that you finally realize the road on which you’ve been traveling and where it is taking you. We have seen God turn marriages around that had already ended, so it’s never too late. The key is to go after your own heart, be honest and humble in confessing to God and He will do the impossible. It all comes from Him.
      The 40 Day Love Dare is a good place to start. We pray you will succeed in following the Lord with all your heart, all your soul and all your mind. He will never lead you down the wrong path.
      Blessings to you in the days and weeks ahead,
      Tom and Debi

  32. christo says:

    Hi, how can I do the love dare if my wife and I are seperated. We cant see each other every day as we live in 2 diffrent towns. We have decided to take it slow and go for counciling in the near future. but I want to start doing the love dare so long. To find her heart again for me and to mend things. And to have God’s blessing on our life.

    • Debi Walter says:

      Christo,
      Our encouragement to you is to pray for God to help you be creative with the love date challenges. It might be that you can do some of them from a distance if you give it a little thought. If not, then start when you are able. The most important thing is that you both go for counseling to get your marriage back where it needs to be. We pray God leads you every step of the way.
      Blessings,
      Tom and Debi

  33. Kristi says:

    I’m over half way with the love dare. My husband and I are getting closer everyday with the help of God!

  34. tammy says:

    I have been married for 20 yrs on Aug.6th, 2013. On Aug. 2nd my husband left me for another woman & is living with her & her family now. I took the love dare a few yrs ago & my husband & I did watch the movie. I am grieving my husband greatly. I do not know how to handle this or why I am posting this. This site & verses are very helpful now. Recently I gave my husband my love dare book with all my notes & prayers. Now I want it back. I gave it to him with hopes he wld read & come back home but he hasn’t come home. Plz pray he comes home. I miss my husband!!

    • Debi Walter says:

      Tammy,
      We’re so sorry to hear of your husband leaving. We can only imagine the pain, hurt and loneliness you are experiencing. God has promised to be near to the broken hearted and save those who are crushed in Spirit. Run to Him for deep and lasting comfort. He alone is able to meet every need and relieve every heartache. And He will never leave you! May God’s Word provide rich reminders of God’s faithfulness. We’re praying for you both!
      Tom and Debi

  35. Angela says:

    Hi thank you for posting this. I asked my parents to take this dare. Please pray for them too. :) I believe this is one powerful method to restore happy relationships and families.

    What God starts, no man can tear apart.

    Btw, I was just wondering if I could apply this also to the guy who’s courting me right now. We’re really praying for God’s leading in our relationship. However, of course, we’d cross out day 32 since that only applies to married people and is not applicable to us. But the rest we think is applicabl e like serving the other person, considering him, respect, etc. We made a courtship commitment/vow to God in light of the Christian books we’ve read – when God writes your love story, I kissed dating goodbye and boy meets girl. These three are by eric and leslie ludy and joshua harris. We’d really like to make a stand and show the rest of the world how courtship should really be – pure, God-centered, unconditional, praying earnestly, waiting on the Lord, and most importantly leading each other closer to our Saviour. Please pray for us as we undertake this challenge as indivuals pursuing God’s will in our lives. Thank you! God bless!

    • Debi Walter says:

      Angela,
      How wonderful that you are not only praying for God to work miracles
      In your parent’s marriage, but that you are also seeking to make the most of your relationships for God’s glory. We pray that you’ll hear God’s voice giving you direction and peace every step during your courtship.
      Our kids read and loved Josh Harris’ books.
      Blessings,
      Debi

      • Angela says:

        Thank you very much Debi :) I will also pray for you and your family! Will keep you posted! God bless you!

  36. MR says:

    Dear Lord,
    Please BLESS my marriage. We need to spend time alone with kids, family or friends. We have been through alot over the 20 years of marriage even a divorce. I want to get re-married he does not yet we both live together. Help him clear his eyes from evil, temptation, women, co-workers, negativity, etc. make him see that I am the only women for him. He loves me but doesnt say it frequently. Lead him into my arms I am waiting patiencly. Bring our heart together as one. AMEN

  37. maureen says:

    I want to share this with my brother and his wife. Your thoughts? Do I share with both letting them choose or …? Can couple practice love dare simultaneously? Is it more important for one person to practice toward the other?

    • Debi Walter says:

      Maureen,
      That’s a really good question. I don’t know if it would work for both to do it simultaneously. I would suggest you give it to one or the other. Pray and ask God to direct you, He knows best. And let us know how it goes.
      Blessings,
      Debi

  38. Hmarc says:

    Hi i just watch the movie and it really touched me cuz i am in the same situation where my wife is asking for divorce cuz of my outside behavior. you may guess yes i am desperate but i know its gonna take time and i really want to try to make this work even thou i have a weakness. any suggesstion

  39. Pingback: 5 Years In Review… | The Romantic Vineyard

  40. Pingback: Day 1/365 Resolve to say nothing negative about your spouse today. | aaronahearn

  41. William says:

    Thank you so much for this blessing movie.i m not yet married but i hope and pray to do the 40 dares to my spouse one day.to God be the glory.

  42. “a woman like a rose’ if you treat her right she’ll bloom if you don’t she’ll wilt” a great and encouraging christian movie

  43. batsile milton says:

    i watched the movie for the second time yesterday. im so blessed. 01/02/2014 wil be my Day 1 of the 40days dares!

  44. Jeff Blackwell says:

    ………

  45. jenn says:

    This is one of my all time favorite movies and its been on my mind recently. 6 months ago I left my loved one bc i was being selfish, I I ran away from my problems instead of dealing with them. I didn’t turn to God like I should have about it. I ran away. But I finally realized I made the biggest mistake ever. And I really hurt this guy. He doesn’t want to give me another chance now. But ive turned it to Gods hands. Im praying for another chance to fix the mistake ive made. And if he’s willing to give me another chance im wanting to do the love dare on him! Please pray for me! Thank you.

    • Debi Walter says:

      Jenn,
      It’s so hard to look back with regret over mistakes we’ve made. But oftentimes this is the place where God’s mercy meets us and changes our perspective. We pray God uses this in your life and gives you another chance.
      Tom & Debi

  46. Ewa says:

    I watched the movie yesterday. Loved it. I’m separated from my husband for 2,5 mounts, it was his decision. He announced to me at new years eve party. I never expected that he will leave me and my kids. I still love him and it is very difficult to accept it. I pray every day and please god to help him.

    • Debi Walter says:

      Ewa,
      We’re sad to hear of your husband’s decision to leave you and your children. But we have seen God work miracles in such marriages. Continue to pray to God for guidance and wisdom. He promises to be near the broken-hearted and to save those who are crushed in spirit.
      Debi

      • Ewa says:

        Thank you Debi. My husband moved out yesterday. I’m so devastated I don’t know how to live without him. He was love of my life.I was writing to him how much I love him and he called my friends to tell them to let me know that he does’t like that I was writing to him. Nothing will change his decision. He does’t want to be with me. I don’t understand how can he just live us after 23 years of marriage without trying to get help if he wasn’t happy. Why he dosn’t want to get help for his kids who are suffering a lot.

      • Debi Walter says:

        Ewa,
        We’re so saddened to hear of your husband’s decision to leave your marriage. May God comfort your broken heart and help you help your children. Run to Christ who alone knows what it’s like to face such rejection. He will never fail you!
        Debi

  47. Reean says:

    Our marriage has been faced with many challenges. I really want the Lord’s help. I feel so helpless and sometimes think about giving up. I am willing to follow God’s plan and lead as He builds our marriage.

    • Debi Walter says:

      Reean,
      What seems impossible to us, isn’t for God. He will give you the strength to do the impossible, but He wants us to cry out to Him. I encourage you to write out your requests to The Lord and pray the list daily, always listening for specific directions He would give. He is good and promises to walk with us through the storms.
      Thank you for takin the time to comment. We are praying for you and your marriage.
      Blessings,
      Debi

  48. God richly bless you for inspiring me

  49. Bridget McCray-Norris says:

    I’m watching this movie as I speak. I know God works in many ways and this just what I need. I thought I wouldn’t be able to get every days challenge from the movie but again my God came through and showed me this link. I thank God for this movie and all who’s involved.

  50. michelle says:

    8 years of marriage and 4 kids. We are both starting the challenge tomorrow. Wish us luck.

  51. Wilfred Williams says:

    What a beautiful inspiring movie, we will be married 💑 31 years this year God willing and so blessed, praying 🙏 for our three beautiful daughters that they too will have marriages like ours built upon the Rock our Lord Jesus Godbless
    Wilfred and Penny Williams SA

    • Debi Walter says:

      Wilfred,
      Congratulations! That’s the best gift you can give your children besides faith in Christ. Well done! We agree with you in prayer for godly marriages for your girls that glorify Christ.
      Happy Easter!
      Tom and Debi

  52. Lis says:

    I’ve seen the movie and at the time my husband was battling drug addiction and treated me very badly. We were always fighting and he was always cheating always dealing with lust. I was certain we wouldn’t last. And when I put this movie on it was right on point with every emotion and anger we felt. Me and my husband have been together for 21year now with 7 kids and I have to tell you he did some major improvement change his life around. Stop the use of drugs and alcohol became a working man a provider to his family. No longer running the streets. I have to say I very proud of him for that change. But as time went by and he met people on the job he started to change and I notice his emotion for me are not the same. I could tell he was unfaithful again. My husband had a porn addiction and though he change in other areas the lustful part has never left him even when he tried and so the trust is gone and I question if I should continue In a relationship where I can’t trust him anymore. I’m living in torment. When I step out to work and he’s home I fear he’s home with another woman or when he’s at work alone I fear he’s cheating on me again at the office. I’ve pray many years on this same matter and the devil has temp me on occasion to rebel but I yield to the fear of God. I try to do this 40 day thing but when I start it up I forget to continue and when I read the part where it said tell spouse to pray and read bible with you I get discourage cause I attempted that and he doesn’t have any interest on reading or praying with me. He saids he’s a Christian and he saids he believes he listen to Christian music and goes to church every other time but I still see lust being an issue in his life. I even suspect he has had children outside our marriage. I don’t know if I should continue in this relationship I need guidance and direction it’s been too much time invested and I feel my health getting affected. Please pray for our marriage and our kids.

    • Debi Walter says:

      Lis,
      We stopped right this minute and prayed for you, your husband and your marriage. We can’t advise you about what you should do, but we can point you in the right direction.
      First: Do you have a local church family? If not, we strongly encourage you to find one where you can develop a network of friends who will love and support you through this time.
      Second: Realize that it isn’t your responsibility to change your husband. Only God can change him, and He is able. Continue praying to God on your husband’s behalf being specific in your requests.
      Third: Pursue God for your own life. While you can’t change your husband, you can pursue your own growth in your relationship with Him. He will comfort you like no one else can, and He will give you the strength to do what He wants whether that’s staying or leaving. He knows, and He wants to walk with you and carry you through this.
      We’re grateful you took the time to ask for help. God give grace to the humble, and you being willing to ask for help is a sign of humility. I pray in this moment you sense God’s nearness and comfort.
      Debi

      • Lis says:

        Thank you for your time and prayer. I’m so appreciative that you took the time to quickly reply. I have a church we recently started going to last month every Sunday. But when things came up (his moms birthday or laundry) we began to fade. Next Sunday we will go, we would say… until we went no more. Now, I’ll ask him shall we go today and he always comes up with an excuse not to go, and since I’m soo in mistrust, I too stay because of fear of him doing wrong in the home. I agree with everything you said. But I’m so stuck in this mind frame full of fear I don’t know how to break free from it. I try with prayer but the fear over takes me.

      • Debi Walter says:

        Oh Lis,
        I know how difficult it is when fear has a grip on your heart, and for valid reasons. These are the times when God’s Word instructs us on how we’re to fight back. “God has not given us a spirit of fear” is a good verse to stand on. “Perfect love casts out fear,” is another.

        We must remember that we cannot be the Holy Spirit to our spouse. It is God’s job to convict. Our job is to trust Him, cry out to Him and do what He says. To choose to stay home from church out of fear for what your husband may do while you’re gone isn’t going to change his heart if he has purposed to cheat anyway. But being faithful to do what you know to do to strengthen your reliance on God will do more than anything else to help the situation. I know from experience that this isn’t easy, but God is in the business of giving us strength in our weakness.

        I hope this helps!
        Debi

  53. Lis says:

    Thank you so much for your words of wisdom, I know that they are right. I can tell you are faithful to The Lord. God bless you for that and for what you’re doing to help other with your words of love. You have been a help an encouragement to me on this day. Thank you so much.

  54. Lisette says:

    My husband left our house 16 months ago, he lives nearby in an appartment now. He rarely asks for or sees our children (8 yrs and 2 yrs) and 6 weeks ago he decided that he wants us to divorce.
    On May 22th 2014 we will have an intake with a mediator to manage everything around the divorce. I told my husband in a lot of ways that I don’t believe that a divorce is an option, but he doesn’t want to listen to it.
    There doesn’t seem to be any opening anymore for us to come back together, my husband has several own companies, loves the attention that comes with it, and doesn’t really seem to live with the Lord.
    I still have hope and I want to trust my heavenly Father. I know that not one situation is too difficult for Him. But it is so tough, so very tough, to see the hardness in my husbands heart and eyes.

    I see every day more where I made mistakes in our marriage and I told him so in a letter, but he didn’t take it for real and said that he ‘juist doesn’t believe in our relationship anymore’.

    Please, will you pray for our marriage and for our children who suffer quite a lot of this situation. But, more important (that’s what I’m starting to learn), will you pray for my husbands heart, that it will soften and that he will find back God and that he will see that it is not about our life here and now but about eternity.

    I am learning to love my husband in a new way although I seldom see him. God is so gracious.
    Thank you for praying with me and I hope I will recognize you in heaven so I can hug you:)

    Lisette

    • Debi Walter says:

      Dear Lisette,

      There really are no words to say to comfort you on such a deep level. But God is able to reach the depths of such devastating disappointment. I’m so glad that He is the place your heart is running to for help.
      I’m praying God will lead you every step of the way on this unexpected road of divorce. And I’m praying for a miracle in your husband’s heart.
      With much love,
      Debi

  55. Lala says:

    Debi thank you so much, my husband and I were bestfriends,and loved everything about each other but some how at some point in the year and a half we have been married we have completely fallen apart its like we do not know each other anymore .im planning of started the 40 day challenge tommorow. Ive read many of the stories on here and have done nothing but cry and cry and hope all these storys had a happy ending and that God blessed them with there relationship and that he will hopefully bless me too thank you so much.

  56. Vicky says:

    I got divorced a month prior to the release of Fireproof, even though my ex husband was already deeply involved with another woman I believe we could have saved our 10 year marriage, but it was not meant to be and I have piece in my heart now. I’m getting married after 5 years being single and decided to give the love dare book to my husband on our wedding day. This time I’m marrying some who loves God just as much as I do, this is a miracle from God.

    • Debi Walter says:

      Vicky,
      Wow, your story is heartbreaking and hope-building at the same time. We pray your new marriage will be blessed by God who loves you and who was, is, and will be involved in every detail of your story–the good parts and the sad parts.
      Giving the book as a Wedding gift is a great idea!
      Thank you for sharing your story with us,
      Tom and Debi

  57. Stephen says:

    I am starting the Love Dare challenge right now.. Please say a prayer for me and my wife.
    God Knows..

    • Debi Walter says:

      Stephen,
      Praying that God will use this tool to help you express your love to your wife in a genuine and heartfelt way. It’s a good step in the right direction.
      Blessings,
      Tom and Debi

  58. al says:

    Is this could work, i mean, my wife and i make a decision to divorce, but we can do it until 6 month, she is agnostic almost atheist, and im Theist (believe in something greater like but not in religions in general)… we aren’t fighting we don’t hate each other, but we aren’t able to be “in love”… she told me that she love me as “i care about you” because i helped her a lot in her life(like a friend) and i will after divorce and she will help me too… the problem is, we get to this oral agreement that we are not going to trie to fix what is done, we read a lot, in websites, and yeah we are done… and she is ver smart and perceptive… the thing is… i really wanted to grow old with her, not grow apart, and im willing to change, but she don’t want to change, there are few things that are the way she is, that is the oposite of me, and she isn’t willing to get a medium because i was a mess before and now, she don’t want any mess in her life even if i changed a lot but im not perfect as she wants…. also i think she feels miserable, maybe is this whole realize that our 2 years marriage ( 6 years of knowing each other) is a failure… i don’t know if this can help me… and i don’t know if by trying this, im gonna make her mad… we are suppose to do thing this way, not to become enemies ….. what should i do :,(

  59. wisdom Efiok Nyong says:

    I wish i saw this book or movie before 3 july 2013 i wouldn’t have a broken home but i am hoping to fix it because i have faith and believes there is nothing Impossible. That movie thought me lots of things i never knew. But i believe God will heal any broken bones and restore me. Him who made me see many calamity from the depth of the earth he will Revive me. I thought of printing this 40 pages one day per page and send it to my separated Spouse i Believe it will go a long way in resolving our difference. I have faith which is the substance of things hope for and the evidence of things no seen. God bless the writer of this book.

  60. Stephen says:

    Still Praying for my wife,

    Please continue to pray for me and my wife. I am still praying and Believing God will touch we Heart. I love this woman with y whole Heart, she is truly the whole package. I ask that when you pray Believe with me that the Holy Spirit will move on her and she will come back to The Lord. A lot of this was my fault I acted like a child and Annoyed my wife to the arms of another Man.. Please please pray for our marriage, and that he will fall in Love with me in a whole new way in Christ.
    I am Believing for complete restoration in the name of Jesus..

    • Debi Walter says:

      Stephen,
      We do pray that God will bring about complete restoration to your marriage. The best you can do as you wait is to seek The Lord as to what areas in your life need the most attention, and to cultivate a deeper relationship with Him. He is faithful and will fill your lonely days with peace and even joy. He loves to comfort the broken hearted.
      Blessings,
      Tom and Debi

  61. Stephen says:

    I am so thankful for the response. My wife is Mad at God. I am currently on day 11 of the love Dare. It has allowed me to view my wife in a more Clear way.
    She always lived for The Lord, she just needs the great Shepard, I am kinda gla all this has happen I have become Humble and on Fire for God.. Although I have lost 44 pounds in 2 months.
    Thankfully she wants to work it out, he says she loves me, just not in Love with me.. I am praying The Lord will touch her life , Love is a choice..

    God Bless
    Please keep Praying!!

  62. Chris Wardell says:

    Does this work if your spouse wants a trial separation?

    • Debi Walter says:

      Chris,
      It’s definitely worth a try. If you’ve seen the movie their marriage was pretty much over, but God worked a miracle in both of them. It’s never too late.
      We pray your marriage will grow stronger.
      Blessings
      Tom and Debi

      • Chris Wardell says:

        Well, she’s moving out in a couple weeks. Going on a six month trial separation. My heart hurts so bad.

      • Debi Walter says:

        We’re so sorry to hear that Chris. Never forget the two words that mean the most when facing such dire circumstances–But God. He loves to do the impossible, so we ask, we pray and most of all we work on our own heart while we wait.
        Tom and Debi

  63. Angela Bell says:

    I really love the movie. This was the second time I watch it alone .
    It is a testament to what God can do in a marriage. I want to try the 40 day challenge on my husband.

  64. Don says:

    I watched the movie again and now that I am having problems in my marriage I will follow it to help my marriage be strong again. My wife has become bored in our marriage and is on the internet talking to strange men and I do not know what I can do to stop her aside from divorcing her. I do not want a divorce as I still love my wife but what else can I do?

  65. Don says:

    I will do the 40 days and if it does not work then after the 1st of the year I am going to tell her if the electronics do not go and if she truly is not in love with me { I figure if she really loves me she will get rid of them} then I will tell her I am moving on. I would appreciate any responses Thank you

    • Debi Walter says:

      Don, we wouldn’t suggest that you enter the challenge with a “you change or else” attitude. This only encourages a defensive response, which you dont want. Instead, ask God to help you look for ways to change as you do the challenge to win your wife’s heart again. You cant change her–only God can. But you can change yourself as you humble yourself before God in desperation. We pray God works a miracle in your marriage. This isn’t an easy thing to do, but it’s worth the effort.
      Tom and Debi

  66. Sherrel Arredondo says:

    I believe watching this movie each year on one’s anniversary could only improve all marriages. I came to your website after googling to find a list of the things he was challenged to try before saying his marriage was over. I intend to make a list for myself and to challenge my son before he makes that final decision. He has been married for 16 years, has 3 beautiful children, a beautiful christian wife, great job and nice home. They have drifted apart due to his work taking him away from home for the past few years and I pray this will help start them on the road back into each other’s heart & arms. Keep them in your prayers.

    • Debi Walter says:

      Sherrel,
      What a great idea to help your son before it’s too late. So many couples today think because they drift apart that it’s over. But it doesn’t have to be. It takes hard work–yes! But the fruit that comes after is so worth it. I pray your son will listen and give it a try.
      Thanks for sharing.
      Debi

  67. Jason says:

    I am about to start the 40 days. I need some help though. I am figuring out my faith now, and I’m not sure what some of the dares are asking me to do. I’m not sure where my wife’s heart lies right now, but I will not give up on her or us. Any suggestions would be great! Thanks.

  68. Angelica says:

    Hi Debi walter I am gonna start the 40 day love dare challenge starting DEC 02 2014 hope for the best n would love to chat with u plis when u can by email I left it there I need help I want to save my marriage thanks a lot for this amazing site and movie :) !!!

What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s