A Fragrant Aroma – Don’t Flip When Romance Flops

Our pastor tells us often what people remember most about his Sunday messages is when he shares a personal story of how he’s messed up.  For some reason people resonate and find encouragement through the failures of others.  Not in a jealous, envious sort of way, but in a way that makes them real. This gives hope to others who have failed in similar ways.

Today we want to share with you one of our romantic flops, and it happened only a week ago. Debi planned a romantic evening for us in an effort to help me get my mind off of everything else my mind tends to dwell on. Usually her efforts are successful, but not on this night.


I really enjoyed the evening. It was fun and spontaneous. I cooperated completely even though some of it was so corny it made us both laugh hysterically. It was good to laugh and enjoy being together with nothing else to do.

Somewhere between the laughter and the fun I did something completely unexpected (i.e. stupid); I picked up my iphone for just a minute to look at my e-mails.

What I read instantly threw cold water on our romantic evening. It was one of those e-mails which burdens your heart for the friend who wrote it. Our evening went from happy to depressing with only one look at my iphone.

How did Debi handle it? She went to sleep disappointed, but she didn’t flip out in anger. We prayed for our friend, cried a little and went to sleep. The next day Debi asked if we could talk about what happened the night before. She explained her disappointment in how the night went.  She pointed out if I hadn’t picked up my phone in the first place our evening wouldn’t have turned into a total flop.

She was right!

But because she didn’t flip out over my romance flop, we were able to talk it over reasonably. I apologized for my lack of self-control in looking at my e-mail at such an inappropriate time. She forgave me and that was the end of it.

What did we learn?

  • Don’t ever look at e-mail while you’re enjoying quality time with your spouse.
  • Don’t flip out when your spouse treats you in an insensitive way. Instead look for the chance to talk it over openly and honestly.
  • Lastly, when you are wrong, admit it! It wasn’t hard to resolve this conflict, but it sure could have been.

We both would have preferred that the conflict never happened. But unfortunately marriage is full of all kinds of flops – the key is to seek God’s help in order to not flip out!

How do you handle romantic flops? Have you had one recently that went unresolved? How could you and your spouse bring resolve to the hurt at this point? It’s never too late to try.


This is post #7 in the Ultimate Blog Challenge to post everyday in October.

This entry was posted in A Fragrant Aroma, Christian Marriage, communication, Difficulty, Forgiveness, Hindrances to Romance, The Gospel & Marriage and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to A Fragrant Aroma – Don’t Flip When Romance Flops

  1. This is a great post, Tom. Love hearing from you. Thanks for the encouragement to flip that flop.


  2. torcon1 says:

    Tom – I’m a chronic romance killer, thanks for this sage advice!


  3. Sharon O says:

    Those cell phones always irritate me. I told my husband one time when we were going out for a nice evening meal to a nice restaurant that I would go IF his cell phone stayed home. He left it home and we had a wonderful evening. Point made, when spending time together ‘spend the time’ not distracted.


  4. emtnester says:

    My husband and I have to just stay silent for a period of time when one of us has flopped. Time is a great cure when the flops are relatively unimportant.


    • Debi Walter says:

      How true. This is why I didn’t bring up the issue that night. I waited until the next day when I had had the time to think it over and Tom had had the chance to get past the emotions a bit. Timing is everything in situations like these.
      Thanks for commenting, Beth!


  5. Rob and I can relate… (sigh). Your transparency shows how small disappointments/conflicts in marriage don’t have to grow into dragons – they can be squashed before they hatch! Thanks for sharing, Tom.


  6. Great post Tom – Debi should let you write more often! 😉

    It’s great that the two of you know how to deal with flops – and that Debi had the wisdom to address it the next day. When we say things is often as or more importnat as what we say.


    • Debi Walter says:

      Haha, Paul. You know I LOVE it when Tom posts. We’re taking your advice and working towards making it happen more often. We appreciate you!
      Tom and Debi


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