Tom and Debi
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5 bedroom, 3.5 baths, sleeps 12
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Category Archives: communication
Do You Feel Understood?
How well do you understand your spouse? When they experience loss or disappointment, are you surprised at their expression or lack of expression? We tend to judge our spouse based on how we would respond thinking we’re being helpful. We … Continue reading
To Cherish or Admonish?
You’ve probably had it happen in your marriage too. Your spouse is telling a familiar story to some friends and they get a detail wrong. How could they not remember how it happened? Admonishment is my knee-jerk reaction in such … Continue reading
Your Story Is Your History
Sitting on our porch at Barefoot Cabin I had the thought—how many days have we shared since we were married? One of the best parts of Google is being able to find the answer quickly to such random questions. We … Continue reading
That’s A Good Question
As I’m writing this post, the leaves are falling at my feet with cool temperatures and sunny skies. It is a perfect picture of a crisp, fall day in the mountains. But the scenery doesn’t matter when it comes to … Continue reading
Test Your Marriage
Have you ever noticed that if something is bothering you in your marriage it’s all you can think about or see? Tom uses an illustration that is so helpful… Take a credit card and hold it in your hand. Stretch … Continue reading
Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict
Tagged Marriage failure, Marriage help, Marriage Test, Unresolved Issues
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Being Honest
For communication to work well in marriage it requires a commitment to honesty. But not just dumping honest words in your spouse’s lap; that’s not kind nor smart. Many misinterpret the scripture, “speaking the truth in love” to mean saying … Continue reading
Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict
Tagged Communication in Marriage, Honesty, marriage
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Drifting or Sailing?
Never underestimate the value of time together alone. It is needed for your marriage to keep from drifting. The danger with drift is that you don’t know it’s happening until you’re way off course. If you don’t have goals set … Continue reading
Is It Safe To Be Real?
I was the youngest of three growing up in the 60’s. Our lively conversations at the table were often filled with laughter and teasing. But because I was 5 and 6 years younger than my brother and sister (respectively), I … Continue reading
Curiosity Kills Assumptions
I’ve been thinking about the importance of curiosity in marriage. Curiosity is what keeps us inquiring about something. When we’re curious we want to know more and don’t assume we’ve discovered all there is to know. Curiosity kills such assumptions. … Continue reading
Posted in Cherishing, Christian Marriage, communication
Tagged Cherishing Your Spouse, Curiosity, Curious
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Pruning A Marriage Is Hard Work
It is Spring in FL and everything in our garden needs pruning, weeding, mulching, fertilizing and/or repotting. It can be overwhelming when looked at as a whole. But Tom and I have found that focusing on one thing and completing … Continue reading
A Dormant Season
We have a huge, very healthy bougainvillea in our backyard. It is so large it is pushing our new fence and making it difficult to walk by it without getting scratched by it’s enormous thorns. We needed to prune it, … Continue reading
When Opposites Don’t Attract
The old adage that opposites attract is often said in regard to marriage, and it is true most times. Tom and I couldn’t be more opposite in areas that aren’t important, e.g. how we like our eggs, hot beverage of … Continue reading
Looking Outward Together
We spend much of our posts talking about how to make your relationship stronger to last through the years. This requires intentionality in pursuing intimacy with your spouse—spiritual, emotional, physical, as well as cherishing each other. This will make your … Continue reading
The Annoying Hiccups of Marriage
In this season of quarantines being relaxed and then restricted again, it can become disconcerting. But let’s remember the one constant in our life…our marriage. Whatever restrictions we face, we are in this together. Hiccups and all! Two are better … Continue reading
Five Things To Do When You’re Bothered, Bummed and Blue
On March 17th our lives came to a screeching halt. No more meetings; no more friends gathering; no more church services together; no more date nights to our favorite places; no more life as we had known it. At first … Continue reading
Ten Ways to Not Waste This Time in Marriage
None of us expected this, but here we are. It has been the strangest worldwide event in my lifetime. We have been sheltering in place for a couple of months now, and social distancing whenever we venture out. Always going … Continue reading
Twisted Words
Have you ever said something to your spouse and the reaction they gave was unexpected? You realize that they didn’t hear what you said in the way you meant them too. A miscommunication is hanging in the air and you … Continue reading
Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict
Tagged Humility, Instincts, marriage, Patience, Twisted Words
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Physical Intimacy – Now That’s A Great Question
How often should sexual intimacy happen in a healthy marriage? I emphasize healthy marriage because troubled marriages have to fix the areas in need of attention before they hope to see improvement in the bedroom. Of course there are exceptions. … Continue reading
Physical Intimacy – Three Aspects of a Healthy Sex Life
Three of the most important aspects of a healthy physical relationship is a willingness to be vulnerable, honest and trustworthy with each other. * Vulnerable Dr. Leman says, “Most men don’t realize, psychologically, how vulnerable a naked woman can feel. … Continue reading
Posted in communication, Growing Strong Marriages, Intimacy, Physical
Tagged Honesty, Physical intimacy, Sexual intimacy, Trustworthy, Vulnerable
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Can I Be Honest?
I recently talked with a wife who said she was finally in a place in their marriage where she could be honest with her husband. They didn’t have a bad marriage. But they had settled and weren’t working to make … Continue reading
The Romantic Vineyard 