Tom and Debi
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Category Archives: communication
How to build a FIT Marriage in 3 Easy Steps
It’s January and everyone is focused on losing weight, being active, embracing abandoned disciplines. Due to parties and family gatherings we may have neglected our normal routines. It’s time to pull in the reins and begin anew. Maybe your marriage … Continue reading
Vintage Post: Assumptions and Disregard
This is a series originally posted in November 2016. We share it as a Vintage post because it’s worth remembering. The last two practices you may or may not realize you’re doing. This is why we want to shine the … Continue reading
Posted in communication, Conflict, Vintage Posts
Tagged Assumptions, Disregard, Marriage help, Vintage Post
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Vintage Post: Critical Judgments
Originally posted in November 2016 You begin to share with your spouse about something that is really bothering you. Right as you are pouring your heart out to them, they ask a question about something else, revealing that they haven’t … Continue reading
Transitions
Ask any woman who has experienced natural childbirth what transition was like and you’ll most likely get a grimace. Transitions are hard and there is usually no way around them but through. When our son was born my labor progressed … Continue reading
Happy Place
Tom and I had a discussion tonight about where our happy place is. It was an interesting conversation. He initially thought of places where we had made memories together. Happy times we’ve shared are special to me as well. However, … Continue reading
Check Your Headlights
Headlights on cars are important. Without them it’s difficult to see what’s in front of you. Worse, it’s impossible for oncoming traffic to see you. We have noticed more cars on the road recently without their headlights on after dark. … Continue reading
Posted in Christian Marriage, communication
Tagged Check you Headlights, communication, marriage
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Do You Feel Understood?
How well do you understand your spouse? When they experience loss or disappointment, are you surprised at their expression or lack of expression? We tend to judge our spouse based on how we would respond thinking we’re being helpful. We … Continue reading
To Cherish or Admonish?
You’ve probably had it happen in your marriage too. Your spouse is telling a familiar story to some friends and they get a detail wrong. How could they not remember how it happened? Admonishment is my knee-jerk reaction in such … Continue reading
Your Story Is Your History
Sitting on our porch at Barefoot Cabin I had the thought—how many days have we shared since we were married? One of the best parts of Google is being able to find the answer quickly to such random questions. We … Continue reading
That’s A Good Question
As I’m writing this post, the leaves are falling at my feet with cool temperatures and sunny skies. It is a perfect picture of a crisp, fall day in the mountains. But the scenery doesn’t matter when it comes to … Continue reading
Posted in Anniversaries, Christian Marriage, communication, Date Night Ideas
Tagged communication, Date Night Ideas, Fall leaves, good question, marriage
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Test Your Marriage
Have you ever noticed that if something is bothering you in your marriage it’s all you can think about or see? Tom uses an illustration that is so helpful… Take a credit card and hold it in your hand. Stretch … Continue reading
Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict
Tagged Marriage failure, Marriage help, Marriage Test, Unresolved Issues
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Being Honest
For communication to work well in marriage it requires a commitment to honesty. But not just dumping honest words in your spouse’s lap; that’s not kind nor smart. Many misinterpret the scripture, “speaking the truth in love” to mean saying … Continue reading
Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict
Tagged Communication in Marriage, Honesty, marriage
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Drifting or Sailing?
Never underestimate the value of time together alone. It is needed for your marriage to keep from drifting. The danger with drift is that you don’t know it’s happening until you’re way off course. If you don’t have goals set … Continue reading
Is It Safe To Be Real?
I was the youngest of three growing up in the 60’s. Our lively conversations at the table were often filled with laughter and teasing. But because I was 5 and 6 years younger than my brother and sister (respectively), I … Continue reading
Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict
Tagged communication, How our past influences our present, Is it safe to be real?, Marriage help
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Curiosity Kills Assumptions
I’ve been thinking about the importance of curiosity in marriage. Curiosity is what keeps us inquiring about something. When we’re curious we want to know more and don’t assume we’ve discovered all there is to know. Curiosity kills such assumptions. … Continue reading
Posted in Cherishing, Christian Marriage, communication
Tagged Cherishing Your Spouse, Curiosity, Curious
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Pruning A Marriage Is Hard Work
It is Spring in FL and everything in our garden needs pruning, weeding, mulching, fertilizing and/or repotting. It can be overwhelming when looked at as a whole. But Tom and I have found that focusing on one thing and completing … Continue reading
A Dormant Season
We have a huge, very healthy bougainvillea in our backyard. It is so large it is pushing our new fence and making it difficult to walk by it without getting scratched by it’s enormous thorns. We needed to prune it, … Continue reading
When Opposites Don’t Attract
The old adage that opposites attract is often said in regard to marriage, and it is true most times. Tom and I couldn’t be more opposite in areas that aren’t important, e.g. how we like our eggs, hot beverage of … Continue reading
Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages, Newlyweds, Troubled Marriage
Tagged Drifting Apart, Pre-marital Counseling questions, When Opposites Don’t Attract
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Looking Outward Together
We spend much of our posts talking about how to make your relationship stronger to last through the years. This requires intentionality in pursuing intimacy with your spouse—spiritual, emotional, physical, as well as cherishing each other. This will make your … Continue reading
The Annoying Hiccups of Marriage
In this season of quarantines being relaxed and then restricted again, it can become disconcerting. But let’s remember the one constant in our life…our marriage. Whatever restrictions we face, we are in this together. Hiccups and all! Two are better … Continue reading
The Romantic Vineyard 