Journal from May 18, 2005:
I woke this morning feeling the weight of time. As the days dwindle down until “The Day” is here, I am realizing how small I am, and I am tempted to fear. Tomorrow is uncertain; I have no guarantees. Yet, look at how God is faithful – always so faithful to me. I am happy, and I am sad. The regrets crowd my thoughts of what could have been, although I have more confidence in what God has done than in what I did not do. This is the strength that brings me joy. It upholds me when I want to fall. And it makes me smile, when the tears build in my eyes.
Yes, my daughter is getting married in nine days! Nine days!! When she was born 10 days late, how well I remember that 9th day waiting for her to arrive. Now it all seems surreal – that in nine days I will let her go, and she will become a Mrs. in her own right. There are no epidurals that can numb this pain. It is deep, yet rewarding, like the birth of a child. For 21 years she has been my focus and daily concern. I have prayed that she would make right choices and follow hard after God. I have prayed for her husband for years – who now has a name and a face. I am delighted at how good God has been to me, and most of all how good He has been to her.
First a baby, then a toddler, we taught her everything she knew. Next it was home schooling that became our passion, and the preteen years kept us busier than we ever expected. In high school we cheered at every ball game, and we were there for each milestone of her young life. Praying, always praying for God to form in her the likeness of His Son.
I will soon walk down the aisle escorted by my son, as Mother of the Bride. I will look into the faces of all our friends and family gathered to celebrate with us, and for a moment will realize with deep gratitude the influence they have had on my little girl’s life. If it weren’t for the church functioning in our lives the way God intended, I wouldn’t be walking with my son at this moment. It will be a walk of triumph, not in my accomplishments, but in God’s faithfulness.
Then, the music will stop. The candles will flicker. Everyone will rise and turn as my husband of 26 years, who I love more than I ever thought possible, will begin his final walk with her at his side. Such a godly man!
He has led her for 21 years. He has been her hero and the one who has shown her by example what a Biblical husband looks like. He has guarded her heart diligently, and his moment to give her away to another awaits him at the end of this walk.
My daughter has grown into a beautiful woman of God! On this day there will certainly be tears, but they will be tears of rejoicing in what God has done, and tears full of great hope for the future.
My life isn’t over by any means; I am just finished with one chapter, a chapter that I love so much. Like finishing a book brings great satisfaction in seeing how all the events come together; I am in awe of how perfectly God has led her to this moment. He is the One I celebrate as I count down the days to “The Day”.