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This is part three of a three part series on mortifying pride in my heart. I pray it will help you and help me as I remember this significant season in my life.
Part 3
I want to share with you a journal entry. I wrote this after Tom had corrected me about seeing an area of pride. I had asked him to point pride out to me whenever he saw it. After confessing how God was revealing pride to me to another couple to whom we’re accountable, he said that I shared it all in a very animated, colorful way. It seemed to him that I was prideful about seeing my pride! This is what I wrote:
How right Tom is in correcting me! My focus wasn’t on God who forgives, but on ME who saw my sin! I was and am still impressed that I am seeing it, and I want others to know, so that they will see how I am mortifying pride – all the while pridefully enjoying the attention. I see my pride as dirty laundry, thinking if I wash it, it will be okay. This is a lie! There is no such thing as “clean pride,” for this is what crucified my Lord. God showed me that the vine that grows rampantly in my Secret Garden could have been the crown of thorns that Christ wore. My pride was there on the Cross-that day, mocking and crucifying the One I say I love. How can I so casually speak of it? Father, help me to hate it! Right now I just don’t like it, but I have no idea what it means to hate this sin. May I not volunteer to casually speak of it or to give it an audience. May I be ashamed of it, confess it and run from it. Show me, Lord how to please You in my mortification of sin, instead of pleasing my reputation. Help!
Original art on display at the Louvre in Paris
Another example was after an extended season of serving a friend, I learned that she was going to be publicly sharing her testimony on a Sunday morning. I was nervous because I didn’t know how I would handle her commending me in front of the entire church! I took this matter to prayer, wanting to seek humility when God interrupted my thoughts with this question, “Why are you assuming she’ll even mention your name?” See how quickly my heart can be deceived? I was once again brought low by the realization of my sin. That Sunday, God in His mercy didn’t let her say a thing about me, which is what God wanted. If she had, I think this quote from Josh Harris would have been my experience:
“In place of true humility we learn certain words or phrases that we believe make us sound humble. ‘Oh, really? It was nothing’, or ‘Anyone could have done it.’ We cast our eyes down and shrug our shoulders or maybe even blush. Of course, we don’t really mean it – inside we’re congratulating ourselves for how humble we look and feel. We want the reputation but don’t know how to get to the reality. Like children playing dress-up in their parents’ clothes, we’re only acting humble, none of it really fits us.”
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I’ll share another example. Our church produced a Christmas production for many years called, The Bash. I was on the Bash Team and had spent many months writing, directing and rehearsing with the cast of the finale. When it finally came – it was a huge success! The cast did a great job – and the audience was moved to tears mainly because the focus was on saying good-bye to those who would be leaving our church for a new church plant in January.
The following Wednesday was our home group meeting. Tom became very sick and said he didn’t think he’d be able to make it. I told him that I thought maybe I should go anyway, since we were fairly new to the group, and we wanted to show our support. Tom told me I could do whatever I wanted. So, I hopped in the car and was on my way – leaving my sick husband to fend for himself!
I got about two miles down the road when the Lord asked, “Why are you going to home group and leaving Tom at home?” I thought the answer had already been determined. Then, He answered His own question, “You are determined to go tonight only because you want to hear the people commend you on the Bash!” Ugh! So strong was this craving in me that I was willing to leave my sick husband. Needless to say I turned around, went home and repented to Tom.
How did I know that this was God speaking to me? Because I wouldn’t have had this thought on my own. It was a small voice that nudged at my conscience. I could have easily blown over it and justified my actions, but because I had been praying for God to show me this sin, He was allowing me to see what I had been blind to for years–the motives behind my actions.
Only God can Himself or through others, reveal to me the pride that grows in my sinful heart. I am incapable of seeing it on my own. And only God has made a way for me to change. He knew before I ever took my first breath what a proud piece of work I would be, yet He still chose to lavish His grace on me. He desires to walk with me daily helping me to change, one confession of pride at a time. Why? Why has He been so kind to me…to all of us? The answer is simple, yet profound–because He loves us. What a Savior! Because of Him, we have hope!
Has there been a time in your life when God was pursuing your heart with such intensity? How did it effect your growth in godliness? How did it effect your love for the Savior? For your spouse? For others?
The Romantic Vineyard 
So encouraged and challenged by this post Debi. This is an area of great struggle for me and I do long to have it uprooted in my heart. Grateful for God’s truth and power to defeat our pride.
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I will pray for you, Beth. What a great truth to build a new marriage upon.
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I will carry this post with me today….tomorrow and ask the Holy Spirit to keep it close to me throughout my days. This is a message the runs deep and wide……and I am grateful that we have a redeeming, graceful Father. Thanks for sharing Debi.
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Thanks for sharing this with us, Renee. It is a lifelong journey, that’s for sure. Where I would be without a “redeeming, graceful Father” is a scary thought. Have a wonderful day.
Blessings,
Debi
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I had a similar experience several years ago where God revealed to me my sins of pride. It was quite freeing and exhilarating at the time, though it has been an ongoing process as the roots of pride are often deep in the soil of our lives. A particular book has helped me recently, “Humility, True Greatness” by C. J. Mahaney. I will look up the book you mentioned by Andrew Murray. Thanks for sharing!
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We love C.J.’s book. Another excellent resource–thanks for sharing that.
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I have learned much through this series. I didn’t think I had an issue with pride. But your examples have made me ask myself questions. I hope that I can work through issues and come out a stronger Christian because of it.
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Your honesty in confessing this is a great start. We pray you’ll hear God speaking to you in your everyday moments. It is a lifelong pursuit for we’ll never be rid of this sin completely until we are glorified. What a day that will be. Can you imagine relationships with NO sin? Ah.
Blessings to you,
Debi
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Thank you!
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Debi,
I could be writing these posts. The first two I shared with a friend and my sister. I also went to my husand and asked for being so resistant to his correction. I was almost afraid to open today’s. I’ve ordered the book. Now to Really let God have his way.
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Ruth,
That’s excellent! Thank you for sharing your struggle with us. It helps to know we’re not alone in this fight against sin. It really provides strength to continue fighting when we know we aren’t the only ones doing it, doesn’t it? You’re going to love this book, well, I hope you’ll love it. 🙂 I re-read it every July (my birthday month) just to help me remember. Writing these posts have helped too. Tomorrow you’ll hear from my husband on how my sin and this whole process affected him.
Blessings,
Debi
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Debi, I am so thankful that I found a quiet moment to sit and read all of this week’s posts. Having been priviliged to be your friend through this time, it is even more encouraging to read your account as I remember you sharing things with me. God is so good. I would like to say I fight with the same kinds of things, but the reality is that all too often I don’t fight at all. I can think of specific instances this week. Thank you for your transparency. I believe God will use this week’s lessons in a mighty way in many, including myself.
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Thank you, Bonnie. Mostly for being my friend in spite of my sin. I love and appreciate your comments as always!
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Great posts this week, Debi! Your words are definitely getting to the heart of so many of us. I love that we get to fight this fight together! Thanks so much for being willing to open your life and thoughts to encourage others. What a gift!!
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You are such an encourager to me. Thank you! And thank you for helping me and loving me through all these stages of my life and marriage. You are a gift!
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God is good, and His goodness and light are finding new ways to pour out in you. I’m praising Him for your heart. God has been working on fear and perseverance for me, I think like pride fear is something that is both deep and wide.
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