Today is the first day of our vacation, and we have a special treat for you. We have asked some of our Marriage Blog friends to write guest posts for us this week on the topic of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage. This will enable us to not think about anything else, but us. 🙂
We are so very grateful for the relationships we have established through the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association. You can read more about it by clicking on the CMBA button on the right.
And now for our first guest post by Brad and Kate Aldrich of One Flesh Marriage. We have had the privilege of getting to know this dear couple, and we know you are going to be greatly blessed by their wisdom and ability to communicate it through what they write:
Brad and Kate say . . .
Date nights are a very big deal in our marriage. Finding time to get out and connect without the distraction of kids is something we need and love. We tend to go out to dinner and then find somewhere to walk around; it is just what we like to do. We have certain restaurants that we like to go to. Yet while we go to many of the same restaurants, we have a very different approach to the “menu”. Brad likes to be adventurous and try new things each time; I prefer to go for the same standby that I know I will enjoy greatly. Brad and I always chuckle at this side of our personalities, and over the years we have grown to love it!
Are you are the more “adventurous” try something new type or the predictable, stick with the same thing type? Everyone has some of these tendencies and they don’t only apply to the restaurant menu. Have you ever stopped to consider how these tendencies play a role in your sexual intimacy? Would you prefer a bedroom menu to be full of variety or do you feel warm and comfy with more of the same? Understanding how this is impacting you and your spouse can give you great insights and encouragement in the bedroom.
The Benefits of The Adventurous Type
You have the unique opportunity to bring spice and the surprise menu item that your spouse never knew they liked until they tried it. The predictable type may not suggest change, but as long as that warm comfortable place is nearby they probably won’t be opposed to a little spice added to their usual.
To be clear, we are not talking about anything unbiblical or anything that your spouse is not comfortable doing. All things shared in the bedroom, during sex have to be mutually agreed upon.
What Adventurers Need To Learn
Since you are the type who enjoys variety and trying new things you can start feeling blah when your spouse wants to do the same thing every time. It is easy to slip into thinking they must not be enjoying sex because they just do the same thing, but that isn’t true. Keep in mind that they are not doing this to be boring; they are repeating the things that they truly enjoy. Like their favorite cake that they just can’t get enough of. The sameness brings them joy! Keep being your adventurous self; yet try to find ways to incorporate your spouse’s “usual”. Talk to your spouse about how you like to try different things, but also make sure you listen and understand what your spouse truly enjoys.
The Benefits of The Stick With The Same Type
Since you are the one who likes things predictably the same, you know what you like. You have the unique opportunity to clearly remind your spouse what menu items have brought both of you some great pleasure in the past. As you discuss your favorite sexual menu items you can bring new excitement to the same dish.
What Same-rs Need to Learn
Try to remember that although you have found something you like, you won’t know if you like new things until you give them a try. Does that mean you have to try all new things-NO! It only means that you should be willing to try new things here and there and be a blessing to your adventurous spouse. You never know, you just might find another favorite to add to your menu! Talk to your spouse about what they would like to try and sharing why you really love what you do. If you love a certain position, share why. Your adventure seeking spouse would love to know why that particular position is so top notch for you.
For those of you who are both adventurous types you still have to talk about what your next adventure is and if you are both on the same page.
For those of you who are both like to stick with the same you have to discover if your sames are alike. If they are different you get to discover how you can incorporate each of your preferences and then build your menu from there.
Knowing how each other approach the menu is a very good thing. Enjoy that discovery and knowledge. Keep talking and sharing your likes and dislikes, keeping the lines of communication open! Doing so will bless your marriage and intimacy greatly!
About Brad and Kate Aldrich
Brad and Kate Aldrich write and speak on all things marriage. In 2009 they followed God’s prompting and founded One Flesh Marriage Ministries, a blog based on their marriage journey and God’s word in Ephesians 5. Brad is a Pennsylvania Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and the director of the Family Resource and Counseling Centers. Kate is a homeschooling mom and a family portrait photographer in her free time. God has given Brad and Kate three amazing blessings, two biological and one adopted who have enriched their life and marriage. They live in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania where the Amish buggies roam. You can find their blog at www.onefleshmarriage.com
We can relate. We tend to be different when it comes to choosing from the menu and this is a great reminder that it is our differences that make intimacy great to begin with.
Brad & Kate – what a great balanced approach to this delicate topic! It sounds like we are similar to you guys in our differences. Thanks for sharing!
Pingback: Sexual Intimacy – a series « Fountain Family Blog
My husband and I literally just had this conversation yesterday. I figured we had a formula that worked *perfectly* so why change it up. Thanks for the encouragement. I’m glad to have found a blog that deals with this topic in a biblical way. =)
Only the Fields – We’re so glad you found this post helpful and encouraging. We love the feedback. You may want to check out Brad and Kate’s blog – One Flesh Marriage too. They provide regular posts like this one for the good of your marriage.