For the past month we’ve been busy, but haven’t gone anywhere. Tom has been fighting the flu and bronchitis which has been a bear to defeat. I have worked hard to make sure he’s comfortable, well-fed and well-hydrated. Thankfully, he’s been able to sleep at night helping him be more comfortable with all the other discomforts of such an illness.
Our lives have been put on hold–at least the life we live outside of the home. We have missed being with friends. We have missed going out for a normal date night. We have missed being able to have a conversation without interruptions of chronic coughing. And we have missed feeling normal.
But on the other hand, we have enjoyed quality time together. Being able to show my love to Tom in such practical ways by making something for dinner that actually “sounded good” to him took thought, research and planning. We saved a lot of money just staying home. Our lives slowed down to a snail’s pace, and I realized how tired I was as well. If he needed a nap in the afternoon–he took one. If he needed fresh air, he would walk out our back door for a small dose. All in all sickness serves a good purpose in helping us slow down and take inventory of our love.
During sickness we discover:
- How unselfish our love is–showing a willingness to serve without being served in return.
- How strong our friendship is when nothing romantic is able to happen.
- How much we enjoy just being together doing nothing, as opposed to always having to do something to find our time enjoyable.
- How far we’re willing to go to prove our marriage vows are still true.
- How much I’m willing to be inconvenienced for the good of another.
- How grateful I am for time together.
This week of Thanksgiving is a great time to assess the quality of your love.
If you haven’t been tested in the area of “in sickness” in your marriage yet, be assured you will be at some point. Investing your time during the healthy years will go a long way in helping you love well during seasons of sickness too. This is why we provide “Healthy Marriage Tips” on a daily basis on our Facebook page. It’s like a constant reminder to be at work building your marriage, so that when sickness and hardship comes you’ll have a deep well of wisdom from which draw.
What things have you discovered about your relationship during times of sickness and difficulty? How did God help you learn and grow as a result?
I have had a hard time in my marriage in the last 4 months. I found out my wife was in a romance scam and she said she was sorry and I forgave her but now she is in chat rooms talking to guys! It bothers me but she promises me it is nothing just likes to chat and will never get caught up in what she got in to before. Should I trust her? I am very religious and have put my faith in The Lord but she will not go to church with me! I love her and do not want a divorce and I am letting God lead me in my life and I am losing my patience with her! I have sat down with her and tried to talk to her about all of this but she just tells me they are just chat buddies and nothing more! Any suggestions how I should handle this?
Don, you’re right in believing your wife’s behavior is bad for marriage. But if she isnt a Christian there is no foundation for her to resist such temptation. Our encouragement to you is to tell her how this makes you feel and what your convictions are about casual relationships with the opposite sex. Then, consider doing the 40 Day Love Dare. You can find them under our tab titled: Fireproof Your Marriage. And don’t discount the power of orayer. We can’t imagine how difficult this road is, but God is right there with you helping you and giving you wisdom.
May you sense His nearness,
Tom and Debi
When times of sickness or recovery have taken place it is a stretching time. a time to renew ‘love’ and compassion and also a time to receive. Those times will happen at some point in time the issue is ‘what will become’ of those moments? we can enjoy them and allow the process to happen or we can fight it and be bitter. Which is in the end NO help.
Sharon, you are so right about the danger of becoming bitter. Thanks for commenting!
My DH has a chronic illness that goes through times of flare up and times of remission. He is also sole breadwinner, so when he is ill it is a LOT to bear. We lose income, sometimes up to 6 months worth. By God’s miracles we havent lost our home, though we likely will should he fall ill again. His illness is high maintenance and scary, often requiring er visits and long hospital stays. It requires a lot from me in caregiving. On top of it, it kills his sex drive for a while.
However, it has made our marriage stronger.
I have empathy for you having been doing this for 6 weeks now. Its not easy to watch him suffering, especially when there
Is nothing I can do to make it better. Thank youfor sharing your story and how such trial has made your marriage stronger.