Trials In Marriage – Miscarriage: A Hope Deferred

After 2 years of marriage we decided we were ready to start a family. When my pregnancy test came back positive we couldn’t have been more excited. So much so that we announced it to the world!! And this, before social media, was quite the fete!

A week later Tom had to go on a business trip to Tampa and asked me to go along with him. I was looking forward to the time away to relax and soak in God’s blessing on our lives.

The hotel where Tom’s meetings were being held didn’t have any rooms available, so we ended up at another hotel a few miles away. I had no idea how this one detail would impact me the next morning. I’m thankful Tom happened to mention the name of the place where he would be.

The next morning Tom left quietly so as not to wake me up. When I finally got out of bed I realized something was terribly wrong with my pregnancy. I panicked and called Tom who immediately came and took me to the hospital.

We ended up losing our first baby to miscarriage, and we were heart broken.

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.” Proverbs 13:12 ESV

 I didn’t realize the waves of emotion that were about to sweep over me–but come they did and I wasn’t prepared for the questions:

  • Would I ever be able to have children?
  • What if something is terribly wrong with me?
  • How do I face all the people we’ve told?

It was a dark night of my soul and I didn’t think anyone could understand what I was facing.

Grief is like that. It tries to isolate you and tell you you’re the only one who has ever faced such a trial. I knew that wasn’t true, but my emotions didn’t stop trying to convince me otherwise. I didn’t know anyone who had experienced a miscarriage–at least I didn’t know I did.

One by one friends began sharing with me their stories. Women whom I had no idea had gone through the same loss. Their stories helped me realize I wasn’t the only one, and this one miscarriage certainly didn’t guarantee my infertility. They had children. Life had continued on for them, so I started hoping it would be the same for us.

I’m not sure why God has brought this all back to my memory 34 years later. Maybe it’s because I know of two young couples facing similar losses. One, it’s their first baby. The other it’s their third, but no less difficult to face. Maybe it’s because we’re awaiting the birth of our eighth grandchild who is the fourth baby of my son and daughter-in-love.

God is the Giver of life and He’s also the Taker of life. He has already chosen the days marked out for us even before one of them has begun. And I have learned that He can be trusted, even when I don’t understand.

Pain is difficult. 

When both of you are grieving at the same time it’s important to have friends who can help you and be there with you as you grasp for hope in God.

But know this…God will supply for every need in every season of your marriage. Encourage others when they are in need so you too will find the comfort you need when faced with trials on every side.

If you have a story you would like to share of how God helped your marriage through a dark season, please email us at theromanticvineyard (at) gmail (dot) com. We will keep your names confidential, but let’s make much of what God has done for the encouragement of others. Thanks!


Walking Through The Dark Valley Of Miscarriage

About Debi Walter

Tom and Debi have been sharing encouragements through their blogs for many years. Marriage, Reading God's Word and documenting family history is our focus. Growing in our relationship with the Lord is primary in all we say, write or do. We are grateful for all who desire to join us in the same endeavors.
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