Lesson Learned


There was a time in our marriage when Tom said something that hurt me deeply. It wasn’t the intent of his heart to hurt me, but because of the verse above I insisted that something was in his heart that he insisted wasn’t. We had stalemate for the first time in our marriage and it was stifling. 

This cloud of suspicion and angst followed me everywhere I went. I had opened the door to a very ugly side of me and I didn’t know how to close it. 

Thankfully, the Lord in His faithfulness led us through that very difficult year. And the best of news–He changed me!

A few mornings ago I awoke with this revelation about that season of our life. 

God revealed to me how I had used this verse wrongly and because I did, it led us down a very dark road. He reminded me of this parable Jesus shared during His Sermon on the Mount…

“”Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭7:1-5‬ ‭ESV‬‬

It is dangerous to think we know what is in our spouse’s heart by the words they say. How often have I said something and regretted it the moment it left my lips? What if a guard was standing there not ready to help me, but to judge me and slap a sentence with no mercy? 

God doesn’t treat us that way. In fact, through Christ He did the opposite.

“He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭103:10-12‬ ‭ESV‬‬

It is my responsibility to guard my own heart and what I speak. I realize now that if I had used the verse in Luke to judge my own heart I would have discovered the lesson God was teaching me right away without having to drag Tom through the mud with me to get there.

I am grateful for that year and what God showed us, but I am even more grateful for how God allowed me to reflect back on what happened to show me there was a better way. 

The moral of this story is: Don’t assume that the verse that comes to your mind during a conflict is for your spouse. It may be the Holy Spirit trying to get your attention before you say something you’ll regret.

Lesson Learned ✔️

About Debi Walter

Face it, marriage is hard work. But when cultivated daily the fruit produced will satisfy for a lifetime. We're here to help with ideas and encouragement along the way. Having been married 36 years and counting, we share what we've learned with practical tips, Biblical Truths, Date night ideas to help you plow your own vineyard for God's glory.
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