Valentine’s Day was different than any other year for us. Normally I post ideas for how to make your time together romantic and memorable, all while planning a special at-home date for us. But I didn’t this year. I didn’t even buy Tom a card. My mind was distracted with other pressing needs. This has never happened and it made me sad.

But one thing did happen that I want to share.

Tom bought me a card and flowers. Before I opened it he explained that he wanted to buy a card that celebrated how he sees me, yet most every card expressed how the wife made the husband feel. While there is nothing wrong with this focus, Tom wanted the card to highlight my strengths that he loves.

Hearing the story of him doing this small thing for me was actually a very big thing that meant more than the card itself.

Paul Tripp, one of favorite authors and teachers, has said that many couples love how their spouse makes them feel, but fail to love their spouse for who they are.

This is a much needed examination to make in our relationship.

If we only love how our spouse makes us feel this can be a form of selfishness we should confess to God. Only God knows our heart, but many times He won’t reveal what’s needed unless we have eyes to see and ears to hear. Even the disciples struggled to understand what Jesus was saying. We must ask God and be humble to hear the truth. This is how change happens—asking, seeing, confessing, changing, repeating.

Tom demonstrated his unselfish love for me by expressing how he sees me through a not-so-cheap Valentine card. And I will forever cherish him for his thoughtfulness and care.

For Further Study, we highly recommend Paul Tripp’s book, What Did You Expect?