Doors can welcome you in or shut you out. What determines one over the other is who is on either side of the door.

If it is friends coming over for game night, you gladly open the door for them and probably with a huge smile on your face.

If it is a solicitor or a bill collector, you may hide from the door hoping they do not see you are home.

If it is a thief checking to see if you answer, it can be alarming and frightening.

But what about the door of your heart?

We most likely offer access to those we love and trust; or at least we should. Does your spouse have access? If not, why?

– Do they say things that are hurtful?

– Do they manipulate your response to serve their preferences over yours?

– Do they not even bother to knock—either avoiding you or out right ignoring you?

If any of these three questions resonate with you, please seek help. This is not how a healthy marriage works. If a marriage is strong you will welcome their knocks any time. You will benefit from their perspective and grow as a result.

Cultivating a strong marriage is hard. If yours seems easy right now, know that hard times will come. When two different people with a sinful nature make a lifelong covenant there will be friction. But this friction can be good for our heart.

“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” Proverbs 27:17 ESV

Cultivating the trust required to benefit from your spouse’s perspective will grow over time. Each conflict should bring greater understanding of how you both think and thus, how you relate.

Tom is a steady influence in my ever distracted heart.

In our 45 years together I have grown in trusting his advice. He has been the safest relationship I have ever had. And I believe it is because God has led us through every difficult misunderstanding, argument or disagreement. We don’t have to be alike to have a strong relationship. We only need to glean from each other’s perspective.

This is how his iron sharpens mine and I am better me as a result.

Do I enjoy conflict? By no means.

Compare it to a surgeon who has the ability to repair what is ailing me. I have to trust his hand to make me better.

So it is with conflict. Something is off in your communication and needs to be repaired. Trust is needed for this to happen and that is acquired with practice. James says:

“What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?”
‭‭James‬ ‭4‬:‭1‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Marriage is a one of the best ways to discover what is at war in your own heart.

God will use this relationship more than any other to make us better than we could ever be alone. But we must invite our spouse through the door of our heart; Welcome their perspective or advice and see how God uses them to bring lasting heart change.

I know it happens because this is what Tom and I have experienced and it is good.

Thanks for reading and following. We pray your marriage is helped and given hope today.

Blessings,

Tom and Debi

Photo Credit: Aaron Burden on Unsplash