Our church is going through Proverbs and today was chapter 5. Loving marriage the way we do, we have committed our lives to encourage intimacy on emotional, physical, intellectual and spiritual levels. But there is a fifth aspect of intimacy we all have vowed but may not realize. It’s when we vowed to love AND cherish each other.

Gary Thomas’ book, Cherish, has been the tool used in our marriage to bring understanding to what it means to cherish each other. It’s basically an unselfish love that seeks to build up and strengthen your spouse without regard for your own need. If both are cherishing each other, intimacy can’t help but grow.

Love flows through open doors.

If either spouse is shutting the door of communication, listening or repenting, the marriage will suffer. It may even die for lack of love and care.

Imagine a parent who has a newborn baby. The needs are great and without the needed care the baby would die. It’s the same in marriage. Your spouse’s affections will suffer if you are only thinking of yourself.

Selfishness has no place in a healthy marriage.

How can you tell if you’re being selfish?

1. Ask those who know you best. Most likely they’ve observed your self-focus in how you relate to your spouse.

2. Ask your children. You may not realize it, but they learn more from your example than they do your words.

3. Ask your spouse, but do so with ears to hear them. Resist the desire to defend yourself, even if you don’t see it the way they do; pride rarely agrees with being challenged. It requires a humility to hear correction from those closest to you.

“Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭12‬:‭9‬-‭18‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Marriage, in order to grow through the years, requires a willingness of both husband and wife to grow and mature. The only way this happens is to each prefer the interests and desires of the other.

Let’s pursue what cherishing looks like in our marriage. It will be different for every couple, but it is what all marriages need.

Thanks for reading and welcome to our new followers. We are glad you’re wanting to grow a healthy marriage for God’s glory. If you haven’t yet, you can sign up to receive our posts via email. We’d love for you to join our vineyard.

Have a blessed week,

Tom and Debi