Originally posted in April, 2019, this is a good word worth repeating…

Erasers are used to take away errors giving an opportunity to make corrections. Highlighters are used to emphasize something you don’t want to forget. In marriage we can use both to either help or hurt our relationship.

How are we to use erasers in a way that will benefit our marriage most?

Proverbs 19:11 says, “Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.”

Do you find it difficult in the heat of the moment to choose to not make a big deal out of something your spouse did that you don’t like?

Let’s look at the positive ways we can be an eraser:

• Choosing to overlook when our spouse irritates us.
• Thinking the best of them when something happens we don’t understand.
• Focusing on the good we love about them, rather than the areas that still need attention.
• Not venting to others about their struggles and/or sins.

Being an eraser requires a commitment beforehand to do this. Otherwise we are caught up in the emotions of the moment and will most often react.

How often Christ has modeled this for us in our own lives. He doesn’t nit-pick every mistake or sin. He gently chides us in the areas where change is needed. And He patiently forebears with us as we struggle. He remembers what we are made of. We would do well to aspire to treat our spouse with such kindness.

Highlighters are the exact opposite. They emphasize something to make it more visible.

How can we use a highlighter in a way that will benefit our marriage most?

Jesus tells us this analogy that will point us to part of the answer.

“Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” Matthew‬ ‭7:3-5‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Realizing our sin and how it impacts our spouse will help keep us from being quick to judge our spouse–highlighting our own failures and sins, rather than theirs.

I learned this the hard way, and the lesson will never be forgotten. God didn’t make me the standard-bearer for how my spouse should live. That is God’s job alone, and He is jealous to do His work.

Highlighters are also used to remember something we love in a book. How important to make much of those things we love about our spouse. Quips we can easily recite to ourselves when we are tempted to highlight the negative.

Positive ways we can be a highlighter:

• Be quick to confess your sin to your spouse when necessary, and ask forgiveness. (This is highlighting your own need to change, a healthy habit in marriage).
• Think often on those things you love most about your spouse. (Highlighting their strengths).
• Communicate to them those things. Be specific.
• Commend your spouse and their positive character to your friends and family. Especially your children. Let them hear your accolades of affection.
• Remind yourself daily of the Gospel and how Christ’s finished work has informed your life and impacted your marriage to live this way.

We are all a work in progress. Our highest priority is to come alongside each other and help us each be the best version of ourselves we can be, for the glory of God.

Erasers and highlighters are common tools found in every marriage. Let’s not allow our marriage to be one that highlights the bad and erases the good. If this is an area in need of change, plan a night together to talk about it.

Welcome to our new followers. We are thrilled you are seeking to grow a healthy marriage for God’s glory. We also welcome your comments as we read and respond to them all.

Blessings,

Tom and Debi