We want to “Join The Conversation,” from time to time of other marriage bloggers that we respect. We are part of a greater community called the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association (CMBA), and there is a wealth of wisdom being shared via these blogs on a daily basis. By linking up with them and adding our thoughts to the posts we believe are important, we hope to accomplish two things:
1. Help marriages get the information and help they need to live out what they’ve vowed to do.
2. And introduce you to other marriage blogs worthy of your attention. So…
Today we begin with the To Love, Honor And Vacuum blog.
Our friend, Sheila Gregoire, recently posted an excellent article titled, Countering The Drift. We highly encourage you to take the time to read the entire article, and then come back here to read our part of the conversation. Sheila writes:
Too many of us drift through life. We figure our spouses are always going to be there, our kids are always going to love us, and our jobs are always going to be secure. So we don’t put in the hard work of keeping lines of communication open, or building up goodwill, because we’d rather concentrate on ourselves, and what we want. We are, after all, selfish beings, and most of us, if we can get by with laziness, will try. We’re naturally drawn to drifting.
Having sent off two of our three children to a marriage and family of their own, we’ve learned the lesson of life with how our children change and how this impacts our marriage. And when Tom lost his job last July that we hadn’t seen coming, suddenly he was here all the time. We have a strong marriage, but this shift in time together put a strain on us. We weren’t used to doing life together all day, everyday.
Gratefully, we have adjusted and resisted the drift, but it wasn’t easy.
We have had to have many long, heart-wrenching conversations where you know what you’re saying could potentially hurt the other. But not saying those things, could do even more harm, even though it would have seemed easier at the time–like those two bottles drifting miles apart. We can’t let drift happen no matter how strong the pull is to let go and ride the currents.
We affirm the point Sheila makes about us all being lazy at heart.
It’s true. Sometimes the laziest person can be the busiest. How you ask? By staying busy doing the things they WANT to do, so it leaves no room for someone to ask them to do something they DON’T want to do.
I remember doing this at work in my earlier years. Whenever my boss would come roaming near my office I would pick up anything to make me look really busy. I knew if he saw me idle, he would give a job to do I might not like. This is laziness (and selfishness, I might add) on full display!
You may not have ever thought of laziness in this way. But think about how you spend your time. Is your focus on relieving the stress of your spouse by helping in whatever way you can? Or is your focus on avoiding being asked to do something by them that you really don’t want to do. Ouch! That question hurts if you’re guilty of this habit.But be encouraged.
Our convictions increase based on the level of knowledge we’ve received.
You may find yourself noticing this tendency in your heart more now because you’ve read this post or Sheila’s post. If you do, then please respond to that conviction. To ignore it is to slowly harden your heart towards growing in godliness. No one can help you grow in this way but you. And it happens as we listen to our convictions and respond in a way that glorifies God.
What is one thing you can do today to fight this tendency? Maybe it’s doing the one thing your spouse has mentioned to you over and over again, but you’ve continually hit the snooze button! Ask God to help you fight the laziness and selfishness and embrace what it means to lay your life down for another. Our spouse is the closest one to us, and they should receive the most help from us on a daily basis.
You’ve heard Smokey the Bear say, “Only you can prevent forest fires!” Well, only YOU can prevent drift in your marriage. Do the hard thing. Do the right thing, and we are certain your marriage will grow stronger as a result.