How would you fill in the blank? What is the one area in which you wish your spouse was different? Most likely we all have an answer. Those who don’t are either not married yet, or they haven’t been together long enough to see what’s lacking.
The truth is your spouse was never meant to be perfect, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t perfect for you. God led us to each other, and we obviously had faith that this relationship was the one He desired for us to have for the rest of our lives. As a result we got married. And that was only the beginning.
Now that we’ve established the fact that no one is perfect and that most of us are disappointed in one way or another with how our spouse really is, what are we supposed to do about it?
1. Talk about it. Sometimes we need to have a long heart to heart talk about our disappointments in marriage. It doesn’t mean we’ve given up on it ever being better. It’s just the opposite. Talking about it proves that we are willing to do the hard things to help fill in the missing pieces. And talking about such emotionally charged subjects is not easy. If you’ve tried you know what we’re talking about. It may be that you’ll need a good friend, mentor or pastor to help you do this if you’ve never attempted such deep conversations before. But please do it.
2. Do what you can to help. Sometimes what our spouse is lacking is an area where we are strong. Rather than demand them be like you, why not fill in the gap and help them in ways they can’t do on their own. For example, if your spouse needs to complete a task that they aren’t confident, or lack the skills to do, and you know how–why not do it for them? Making them look good by coming alongside them in such circumstances is a great way to lay your life down for your spouse. It’s a way God desires us to complete each other. Or you might…
3. Overlook it and pray. Sometimes the things our spouse does or doesn’t do is meant to help us grow. Think of how patient Christ is with us in our weakness. He doesn’t tell us to get our act together and come back when we can do such and such better. No, He is willing to love us because He knows He will be faithful to complete the work He’s begun in us. Are you willing to love your spouse through their weaknesses? Or do you demand them change or get angry when they don’t?
These are hard questions to ask, but if a marriage is going to grow they are necessary.
Plan some time this week to talk with your spouse about this topic, and commit to do what you can to change. Wouldn’t it be great to no longer have this issue or these thoughts looming in the dark corners of your marriage where they stifle the freedom God desires you both to enjoy in your own home? We know it’s possible. God is our strong tower and our refuge in times of need. Run to Him for the help and hope you need to go after this issue. It will make all the difference!