Tom was two badges shy of becoming an Eagle Scout when he quit, a choice he regrets to this day, yet what he learned during his Boy Scout training is so valuable. I have benefited from his knowledge and skill in a variety of situations. The most important one he learned was to never panic. He is rock solid when it comes to emergencies and I am so grateful, since I tend to operate on the other side of the panic spectrum. He calms me and reassures me that things will be okay.
We were at our cabin last week when the temps dropped into the “let’s build a fire” zone. It got me thinking about how building a fire relates to building intimacy in marriage.
I asked Tom if he had ever started a fire using flint rock. To my surprise he had. He went on to explain how it works…
I watched this video of the whole fascinating process. Seven steps to build a successful fire from nothing more than a knife and flint rock.
If building such a fire works, how many steps does it take to build intimacy in marriage? I wish it were always this easy, but if given the right preparation it can be.
Anyone who has been married more than a few weeks knows that husbands and wives are completely different when it comes to intimacy. It is helpful to understand and appreciate the differences in order to build a lasting fire. Like the flint and the knife which are two completely different things yet when they each do their part, sparks ignite!
Many couples are surprised by the differences and spend much of their first year trying to figure out the how’s and why’s of it all. Some even try to change their spouse which never works. God created us different for a reason. It’s the differences that make our marriage unique from all others.
We encourage you to spend some time talking over the differences you’ve discovered when you’re both in the mood to think objectively. Discuss how you might grow together towards intimacy rather than letting the cool winds of indifference snuff out your passion. Here are some good questions to get you started:
- What does intimacy mean to you?
- In what ways do I encourage our intimacy?
- In what ways do I hinder it?
- If I could focus on one area to improve in our relationship, what would you want it be?
- What do you love the most about us?
- What in our marriage causes you to long for change? The thing that makes you say, “If only he/she would do ‘this’?”
We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again, in order for our marriage to continue growing in all areas we must be intentional. Keeping the home fires burning is no different. Is it time for you to stir the embers and add some fresh wood to get yours burning hot again?