For my birthday this year Tom has committed to work out with me at home. He went so far and quit his gym membership too, so I knew he was serious. I am excited for this new chapter in our marriage. We are starting to do something together we have done apart or sometimes not at all.
Gary Thomas shares in his book, Cherish, how important it is for us to lean-in to each other in all seasons of marriage. This may sound simple, but it’s not easy. Especially in our activity driven culture. Our schedules keep us from having time to connect with each other.
A few minutes to connect with your spouse each day is not adequate for cultivating a lasting marriage.
It may seem harmless to go different directions and have separate priorities. Especially if what you’re doing is for the good of your family. But one day your children will grow up and live lives of their own. It’s easy to think that day will never arrive, because the days move slow, but the years go fast.
We often spend more time charging our phones than we do our marriage.
We have talked to couples who have different interests. It is difficult to find something they enjoy doing together. Don’t let your preferences keep you apart. If you enjoy reading and your spouse enjoys fishing–do both together. If you like to watch one program on TV and your spouse prefers another, compromise. At least do so a couple of times a week and lean-in to what interests your spouse. Such gestures speak more love to your spouse than words ever could.
Don’t allow your relationship to drift into being comfortably apart. This is a dangerous drift found in many marriages. We must be intentional if we are to avoid it.
In what ways are you leaning in to each other to avoid the drift?
Your idea reminds me of something a lawyer — and also friend — said recently. He said he sees far too many marriages ending in divorce that began the slippery slide when one of the spouses joined a health club or fitness center, met someone new and “fresh”, and let temptation take over. The cost of a membership, over weeks and months, could possibly be better spent purchasing some simple exercise equipment for the home; 8-12 hours a day spent apart in an atmosphere away from our spouse is plenty. Different interests are fine, but they don’t always have to take us out of our home. Be creative and committed to the marriage before the individualism.
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You are so right! Oftentimes we don’t realize the drift has happened until we look up and no longer recognize the scenery. Marriage takes intentionality over individualism. I have become a better Me because of the way Tom loves me.
I’m so glad you commented! Excellent advice!