Curiosity Kills Assumptions

Photo by Elisabeth Wales on Unsplash

I’ve been thinking about the importance of curiosity in marriage. Curiosity is what keeps us inquiring about something. When we’re curious we want to know more and don’t assume we’ve discovered all there is to know. Curiosity kills such assumptions.

In marriage curiosity has a huge impact on the continued growth of a relationship.

I’m curious to know why my husband does what he does in the way he does it. Many times I discover he has a very good reason for the systems he has in place. Sometimes he hasn’t given it much thought. But being curious reveals things I don’t know about him.

A child is naturally curious. It teaches them how to talk, walk and explore the world around them. It is a healthy aspect of childhood. A child who is prevented from following their curiosities will be stunted in their growth and knowledge, and feel unloved.

To be curious means to have an active desire to learn or know.

Did you catch that? An ACTIVE desire to learn more about our spouse. Most couples begin with lots of curiosity. We can’t get enough of each other and when we are together we talk incessantly. Once married and the burden of careers and parenting take over, we forget to make this a priority. We no longer seek to know more. Life is too busy to be curious.

How do we maintain this curiosity in marriage? I believe it begins with listening well to our spouse. Most times it’s a spontaneous conversation about something they did, read or heard. You may or may not be ready for this conversation, but there it is. You have a choice to make–put the phone or whatever you’re doing aside and listen.

  • Find out what has excited your spouse enough to tell you what they’re thinking.
  • Ask more questions.
  • Realize that your questions may help them understand themselves more too
  • Don’t assume they’re telling you the whole story at first.
  • See this experience as a curiosity worth the detour, rather than an interruption from your own schedule

Doing this will benefit your marriage in ways that may surprise you.

Our spouse should be our highest priority, even over the kids. One day our children will grow up and move away to live their own lives. You don’t want to realize how much your spouse has changed because you failed to be curious about the changes as they were happening. We all change through the years. What we once loved may no longer be our favorite.

A friend recently shared that when they were first married she loved yellow tulips. But she didn’t like how quickly they faded. She no longer enjoyed them because their beauty didn’t last long enough to make it worth the money. She never thought of telling her husband this fact. So he continued to buy her yellow tulips for her in a way to bless her, but it was no longer a blessing. Her preference had changed as we all do over time.

Photo by Denis Lesak on Unsplash

Do you know how your spouse is changing? Being curious will help you stay current with all of the changes.

“We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things because we’re curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.”

– Walt Disney

Look back on your marriage 5, 10 or 15 years ago. What were you like then? How much have you grown and changed? Imagine the next 10 years. Where do you want your marriage to be? Let curiosity be the fuel that gets you there.

(Resource for this post used from an article on Huffington Post by Dr. Harville Hendrix & Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt)

About Debi Walter

Tom and Debi have been sharing encouragements through their blogs for many years. Marriage, Reading God's Word and documenting family history is our focus. Growing in our relationship with the Lord is primary in all we say, write or do. We are grateful for all who desire to join us in the same endeavors.
This entry was posted in Cherishing, Christian Marriage, communication and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Curiosity Kills Assumptions

  1. Vickie says:

    I really like and appreciate this encouragement to stay curious. With 42 years together for us, this is a great reminder to stay learning about my spouse as life for sure changes us on a regular basis. Thank you, Debi.


  2. Angi says:

    My husband says it’s not his responsibility to know what’s on my mind if there’s something that he needs to know I should tell him and he has no guilt and should not be made to feel any guilt or carry any guilt for this. He does make quite a few assumptions daily a lot of assumptions daily when I bring it up to him that he’s made an assumption about me he says oh no I haven’t I’ve made no assumption I just made a guess. ….. at this point I’m ready to spit nails and pull my hair out yes my dear husband you did make an assumption a guess is an assumption~~~~~ i’m admitting 20 years with a lazy self centered selfish man if that’s what you wanna call him. this is not how marriage works. this is self-centered lazy and whatever he wants goes otherwise pouting starts or name calling selfish selfish. Selfish selfish


    • Debi Walter says:

      Angi, This is such a hard place to be. When a marriage is out of balance, one spouse wanting to make it better and the other wanting to do nothing, it is a heavy burden. I’m not sure of your relationship with Jesus, but He can walk with you and show you what’s needed. We encourage you to seek help to deal with the pain and hurt. There is hope for change, and I would focus on you and what you have control to change to strengthen yourself. Our spouse was never meant to be our source for happiness and joy. These are gifts given by the Holy Spirit. Find your joy there and you’ll be content regardless of what your husband does or doesn’t do.
      Blessings on your marriage and on your pursuit of Jesus.


Comments are closed.