We just finished going through the book, Cherish, by Gary Thomas, for the umpteenth time. And that is no exaggeration. You would think we wouldn’t need to read a book like this over and over. Especially since we’ve been doing marriage ministry ourselves for the better part of two decades, but…you would be wrong.

We love being in a Cherish group where couples share their perspective on what they’ve read. It makes us consider it afresh ourselves.

One night I shared how there are times when I just want to do things around the house the way I’ve always done them. Tom offers to help me and I resist.

As I shared this frustration, one husband in the group said, “I do the same thing. And you know what? It’s nothing but pride, wanting to do it my own way, right?”

I felt as if I was the only one in the room. The conviction of the Holy Spirit hit me square in the face, and regret followed.

Hadn’t I testified to the change in my heart after reading, Humility by Andrew Murray, years ago? Wasn’t humility the virtue I asked God for often? And yet I had missed this obvious fact in my selfish response to Tom.

Every marriage goes through seasons which require attention. If the attention isn’t given you will find yourself in a serious drift. And here I was. Thankfully, what used to take me months to see in my heart is now easily identified and repented of to Tom and God.

“Humility,” Andrew Murray says, “is the only soil in which the graces root. Humility is not so much a grace or virtue along with others; it is the root of all, because it alone assumes the right attitude before God and allows Him as God to do all.” pg. 12

I am grateful to be married to a humble spouse. Tom is quick to lay his desires and plans down to serve me. He is ready to do whatever he can to make my life easier. Yet, I resist. I don’t want to be this way. I desire to be more like Christ in His humility and treat Tom the way Christ treats me.

“Such humility is not a thing that will come on its own. It must be made the object of special desire, prayer, faith and practice.” pg. 13.

I am glad we were a part of another Cherish group. I didn’t know what I needed until God revealed it through a brother. It’s the same with all of us. We don’t know what our marriage needs unless we are willing to expose ourselves to this kind of introspection.

When was the last time you and your spouse took part in a marriage group or class to help your relationship grow and change?

If a class isn’t available to you, why not read Cherish together out loud and talk about the parts that draw your attention? Reading out loud really makes all the difference too. It is a tool to help you both talk about things you wouldn’t think to talk about otherwise. We have heard this from countless couples as we watched their marriage go to the next level of intimacy as a result.

Ask yourself, “Am I a humble spouse?”