Valentine’s Day is typically either an annual event in your home—one focused on the kids giving cards and conversation hearts to their schoolmates, or it’s a token holiday including a card, flowers or chocolates for your wife. We can take part without much thought, and your marriage is no better on February 15th.

But what if we put more thought into this day? What if we asked intentional questions with the purpose of encouraging our spouse?

Have you ever been asked a question where your response was, “I don’t know I’ve never thought of it.”

This is a good question for it leads to a part of your spouse’s mind where they have not explored. You are both embarking on uncharted territory, an adventure together.

Learning how to ask these kinds of questions takes practice.

But we have a God who is the best at asking probing, heart-revealing questions. Consider a few…

To Adam and Eve, “Where are you? Who told you that you were naked?”

To Hagar, Sarai’s servant, “Where have you come from and where are you going?”

To Moses, “What is that in your hand?”

And finally to Job, “Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?”

All of these questions aren’t asked by God to discover something, for He knows all things. These questions are asked to show those being asked something they haven’t discovered.

When we ask our spouse a good question and it helps them see themselves more clearly, we have entered into a realm of intimacy that is precious.

This has happened in our relationship when it wasn’t planned. It was as if God intervened leading us to ask the right question at the right time.

One I remember well. We were on a date enjoying dinner when I asked Tom, “On a scale of 1-10 how is your relationship with The Lord right now?”

His response, “Probably a 6 or 7.” Immediately He felt The Lord say, “Really, I’d say it’s a 10, because I can’t love you anymore than I do right now!”

It was a godly moment that we’ll never forget.

How do you cultivate such a moment?

It starts with prayer. Ask God to help you enter into deeper emotional intimacy.

Consider one of these three questions to ask this Valentines Day:

1. What is one accomplishment in your life you are proud of for the confidence it gave you?

2. If you could do over one day in your life what would it be and why?

3. Has God ever asked you a question where you felt His nearness and His love?

Or maybe a question comes to mind right now. Write it down and make time to ask. Maybe both of you can answer the same question.

Valentine’s Day is an opportunity to draw closer to each other, and it may be as simple as asking a good question.