Every couple has disagreements. Sometimes those disagreements can become heated.

We may not be able to avoid the tense times, but there are ways to diffuse an argument before it ignites.

Imagine an argument is like a bundle of dynamite. It is always has the potential to explode, but the fuse has to be lit first.

#1 – Listen

We’ve all seen the old westerns where a fuse is lit and the flame winds its way through rocks and up the side of a mountain. The good guys are frantically trying to put the flame out before it is too late.

We breathe a sigh of relief when the good guys get there in time.

Listening to our spouse when we disagree is like lengthening the fuse attached to the dynamite. Talking together through hot topics before the heat is on helps us add distance between the start of a disagreement and the explosion of anger.

#2 – Lower Your Voice

My husband has said this to me over and over, especially when raising teens. But as I’ve grown older I’ve found my voice is stronger towards Tom than it was when we were younger. Many equate this to hormones, but I’m sure God doesn’t give me that excuse. Rather, He uses my changing hormones to continue sanctifying me more in His image. But I must cooperate.

Our current struggle is not hearing each other clearly. I may react to something and only discover this isn’t what Tom said at all. Whoops! It’s embarrassing to admit, but I must be honest if I am to change.

The next time your spouse says something where you want to explode, try this…think the best, ask more questions and talk like adults face to face. We should not be surprised that we disagree, but we should be when we explode about what we think is our spouse’s motive. That is God’s department, and I can rest that He will take care of convicting my spouse where needed.

The Bible says, “A soft word turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” Proverbs 15:1 ESV

#3 – Admit When You are Wrong

Finally, there will be times when an argument is warranted. Your spouse, friend or counselor calls you out on it and you react. How is reacting with anger going to build a stronger marriage? If your spouse is seeing it, there is a reason.

Defending yourself only reveals pride.

Tom often says we all have blind spots, areas where we don’t realize how our actions, words or decisions are hurting our spouse. We must realize God will use anyone He can to get our attention. If you don’t heed His conviction, there may be a day when God gives you over to the consequences of your decisions. This should frighten every true believer of God.

When was the last time you told your spouse, “I was wrong. Please forgive me.”?

These should be said often if your marriage is growing in the right direction. If you can’t remember the last time you genuinely repented, we encourage you to ask God to remove the scales or logs from your own eyes in order to repent.

“Do you suppose, O man—you who judge those who practice such things and yet do them yourself—that you will escape the judgment of God? Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance? But because of your hard and impenitent heart you are storing up wrath for yourself on the day of wrath when God’s righteous judgment will be revealed.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭2‬:‭3‬-‭5‬ ‭ESV‬‬

We implore you to blow up your pride instead of blowing up at your spouse. The former is following the lead of the Holy Spirit known as the “narrow road”, and the latter is following the wide path to destruction.

Your marriage is worth protecting and it starts by diffusing all weapons formed against it—dynamite included.

Thank you for reading and welcome to all our new followers. We pray that our posts help you grow a healthy marriage for God’s glory. He is worthy of it all!

Blessings,

Tom and Debi